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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ex-wife

24 replies

Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:18

My boyfriends ex-wife's daughter got married this past weekend. They've been divorced awhile and she's been in another relationship for 4 years and I've been with him almost 3. She made her profile picture a pic of her and her daughter on her - the ex wifes wedding day in the dress she married my boyfriend in 20 years ago - and then another as her cover photo. Is that not odd that she would post a pic of her at her own wedding dress when she is divorced from and they have both moved on? I personally would never do that so I don't get it.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 11/04/2023 23:36

Why are you giving this so much headspace?

Wishitsnows · 11/04/2023 23:38

You sound a bit unhinged. He’s with you now, what’s the problem

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2023 23:42

She can use any picture she wishes to. It has zero impact on you so stop obsessing about it.

WineIsMyMainVice · 11/04/2023 23:42

That’s definitely weird.

Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2023 23:45

Sorry but she can use any picture that she likes, she’s probably wanting to feature her daughter on her wedding day as a little turn around since she was just at her own daughters wedding. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it unless your partner has been in lots of contact with her and you’re worried about ir.

Twonewcats · 11/04/2023 23:47

Not really. Her daughter has just got married, and she's posted a nostalgic photo from her own wedding with her daughter. It seems fairly logical to me, but I can see why you'd feel differently. I wouldn't read into her feelings etc though, she's prob always just liked the photo

Original poster
Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:48

Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2023 23:45

Sorry but she can use any picture that she likes, she’s probably wanting to feature her daughter on her wedding day as a little turn around since she was just at her own daughters wedding. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it unless your partner has been in lots of contact with her and you’re worried about ir.

She is definitely very much in love with him. He wouldn't look at her when she walked down the aisle because she got teary eyed and he didn't want to trigger her to cry.

OP posts:
LittleRedRoses · 11/04/2023 23:48

Why are you stalking her FB? I assume you’re not one of her friends?

Original poster
Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:50

Wishitsnows · 11/04/2023 23:38

You sound a bit unhinged. He’s with you now, what’s the problem

I don't think I'm unhinged. She is definitely very much in love with him. He wouldn't look at her when she walked down the aisle because she got teary eyed and he didn't want to trigger her to cry. I have children and if I'm in a new relationship I wouldn't personally put a picture of my wedding day up of my ex. I'm also the person who when I break up with someone delete them off of my social media completely. I just feel like you wouldn't have it up in your house why keep pictures up where really everyone can see. That's just my personal opinion.

OP posts:
flutterbyebaby · 11/04/2023 23:50

Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:48

She is definitely very much in love with him. He wouldn't look at her when she walked down the aisle because she got teary eyed and he didn't want to trigger her to cry.

Show quote history

He sounds caring towards her too

Original poster
Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:51

LittleRedRoses · 11/04/2023 23:48

Why are you stalking her FB? I assume you’re not one of her friends?

She tagged her daughter in something and I saw the pic of her in the wedding dress.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2023 23:55

How do you know she’s still in love with him? My mum cried when she walked down the aisle for my wedding, it’s an emotional day. I would say it’s more confusing the fact that he didn’t look at her.

Not everyone needs to delete their ex off of social media, I think it’s good they still have each other online, especially if they have children together as it shows they are amicable and can mature about things.

A wedding is a significant part of someone’s life, even if it later ends in divorce. To me, it depends on why the divorce happened- if it wasn’t a nasty divorce then I wouldn’t be jumping to bin wedding pictures. My friends have pictures of their wedding uo even though they are divorced, simply so their children can see the pictures of when mum and dad were together.

I think she posted a picture as she was feeling nostalgic about her daughter getting married.
Are you worried about your partner having feelings for her?

Original poster
Lee2323 · 11/04/2023 23:59

Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2023 23:55

How do you know she’s still in love with him? My mum cried when she walked down the aisle for my wedding, it’s an emotional day. I would say it’s more confusing the fact that he didn’t look at her.

Not everyone needs to delete their ex off of social media, I think it’s good they still have each other online, especially if they have children together as it shows they are amicable and can mature about things.

A wedding is a significant part of someone’s life, even if it later ends in divorce. To me, it depends on why the divorce happened- if it wasn’t a nasty divorce then I wouldn’t be jumping to bin wedding pictures. My friends have pictures of their wedding uo even though they are divorced, simply so their children can see the pictures of when mum and dad were together.

I think she posted a picture as she was feeling nostalgic about her daughter getting married.
Are you worried about your partner having feelings for her?

I didn't notice that he didn't look at her , he told me he didn't want to trigger anything so he looked away even though he wanted to see his daughters. Because she walked in with his other daughters. She called one of his friends last year and asked his friend to see if he would get back with her and one time when we were on vacation she sent him some meme about how he was young and messed it up with the girl who was meant for him or something. He showed it to me.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 12/04/2023 00:01

Why is that weird? It's a mother and daughter moment

FiddleLeaf · 12/04/2023 00:05

If you trust him then why do you care?

Hiddenvoice · 12/04/2023 00:06

I still think it’s a little confusing that he didn’t want to trigger her. It shows he cares for her which is good, he should care for the mother of his children but it seems odd. To me, it would feel like he didn’t want to trigger himself as he purposely decided to look away and not watch his other daughters walk down the aisle. He could have easily gave his daughters eye contact and not looked directly in his exes eyes.

I think you’re looking too much into this. She is entitled to feel any way she likes, it’s how you and your partner move on with your life which should be your main focus. She hasn’t tried to split you up, she asked a friend about the chances and left it there.

Is he making you feel worried about it?

Original poster
Lee2323 · 12/04/2023 00:07

Hiddenvoice · 12/04/2023 00:06

I still think it’s a little confusing that he didn’t want to trigger her. It shows he cares for her which is good, he should care for the mother of his children but it seems odd. To me, it would feel like he didn’t want to trigger himself as he purposely decided to look away and not watch his other daughters walk down the aisle. He could have easily gave his daughters eye contact and not looked directly in his exes eyes.

I think you’re looking too much into this. She is entitled to feel any way she likes, it’s how you and your partner move on with your life which should be your main focus. She hasn’t tried to split you up, she asked a friend about the chances and left it there.

Is he making you feel worried about it?

No he's definitely not making me feel worried about it.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 12/04/2023 00:09

Then I’d focus more on your relationship and leave her be.

Original poster
Lee2323 · 12/04/2023 00:09

Lee2323 · 12/04/2023 00:07

No he's definitely not making me feel worried about it.

Show quote history

Maybe but I don't think that he would've said that to me if he did it to not trigger himself. I'm sure he cares about her. They were together 20 years. I care about my son's father as well but he definitely cares for me more emotionally than I for him. In a romantic way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee2323 · 12/04/2023 00:10

Hiddenvoice · 12/04/2023 00:06

I still think it’s a little confusing that he didn’t want to trigger her. It shows he cares for her which is good, he should care for the mother of his children but it seems odd. To me, it would feel like he didn’t want to trigger himself as he purposely decided to look away and not watch his other daughters walk down the aisle. He could have easily gave his daughters eye contact and not looked directly in his exes eyes.

I think you’re looking too much into this. She is entitled to feel any way she likes, it’s how you and your partner move on with your life which should be your main focus. She hasn’t tried to split you up, she asked a friend about the chances and left it there.

Is he making you feel worried about it?

Maybe but I don't think that he would've said that to me if he did it to not trigger himself. I'm sure he cares about her. They were together 20 years. I care about my son's father as well but he definitely cares for me more emotionally than I for him. In a romantic way.

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 12/04/2023 00:15

You need to look to yourself, your feelings about his ex and her actions. She's well embedded in your head and this will not end well.

Original poster
Lee2323 · 12/04/2023 00:18

Murdoch1949 · 12/04/2023 00:15

You need to look to yourself, your feelings about his ex and her actions. She's well embedded in your head and this will not end well.

What do you mean "wont end well."

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 12/04/2023 00:23

I think they mean that you're obsessing about the ex and your jealousy could possibly drive your OH away. Stop looking at the ex's SM, grow up and either concentrate on your own relationship or acknowledge that you have doubts about your OH's feelings for both you and his ex, which is making you feel incredibly insecure, cut your losses and move on.

JudgeRudy · 12/04/2023 00:28

Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2023 23:45

Sorry but she can use any picture that she likes, she’s probably wanting to feature her daughter on her wedding day as a little turn around since she was just at her own daughters wedding. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it unless your partner has been in lots of contact with her and you’re worried about ir.

And maybe everyone said "Oooh Exy, doesnt your daughter look the double of you 30 years ago"
Maybe she looked pretty in that picture, maybe she had a similar dress to her daughter...

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