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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm so insecure

1 reply

pinkshoes87 · 11/04/2023 21:55

Posting for help as I'm genuinely needing advice.

I'm 36 not 16 so I hate feeling this way...

Been with partner for 2.5 years and was friends for a while before that (online). During the course of conversation with friends, OH described his type, his ideal woman.

We then got into a relationship. He moved to be with me, gave up everything for me and even proposed.

But I can't get it out of my head that I'm not his type. Our sex life has never been great, he often loses his erection when he touches me, he doesn't seem into me. He says it's because he feels insecure and has abandonment issues (only had 2 relationships before me and both cheated and left) so he figured I would leave too...

Basically he's an ass man, likes brunettes, skinny, tattoos piercings and dressed down casual type...

I am boobs, curvy blonde, the dresses/skirts type and very pink... girly girl.

I feel I am ruining our relationship... I ask stupid questions like "in a room full of girls your type would you have picked me?" And he says no... then I'm upset.

He told me he was attracted to me when I met but he wouldn't have picked me for my looks... didn't think I was hot but he was attracted...

I hate the fact he thought other girls were hot but not me.. feel like he is always going to be looking around for someone who looks how he wants.

I am ruining us both and I genuinely want to know how to stop.

He tries to compliment and reassure me, but it doesn't help. I'll always be asking him "do u prefer her" "oh she's more your type" stupid things like that...

He tells me I'm his only type... I know he loves me...

I was never like this before him. But that's because I was my exes type!

I don't know how to change, I feel I should let him go... but then AIBU to leave the man who loves me?

OP posts:
Number0ne · 11/04/2023 22:45

I've been married for 15+ years and I know my DHs type is dark hair brown eyes. I'm blonde with blue eyes. My type is tall, dark, handsome. My DH is short, dark and handsome.

We are totally into each other and love each other more than anything. You have to stop ruining your relationship, but him telling you he doesn't think you are hot is harsh!! You not being his type is no biggie, but the fact that he said he didn't think you were hot is a little tough to take. You should really be wanting to rip each others clothes off.

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