Upset by mums comments

[hedgehugsandkisses]

I have recently moved in with my parents on a temporary basis following the breakdown of my relationship.

Youngest is 18 months. She's at the stage of grabbing everything is sight, putting everything in her mouth. My mum had her laptop on charge, DS(6) was in my arm reading and I had a cup of tea in my hand so I didn't have time to get to DD before she grabbed the laptop.

It was fine, no damage luckily. I said to her "I think when DD is here and not at her dads we're going to have to put everything valuable out of reach, or if it's not out of reach make sure it's not something that can be damaged etc"

Mum replied "nope. Not in your own house you shouldn't have to do that"

I just said thanks for making me feel welcome mum. So I can't relax and I'm on edge all the time as to what she's going to grab next.

I'm looking for a council house asap but AIBU to have been a bit upset by that comment. She makes them quite often and gets drunk on an evening quite a lot and can be quite nasty with what she says.

In your mums position I'd be quite narked. I'd have had the shock a 'near miss' with kid damaging my laptop then I'd have looked at you with a child on your lap and a cup of tea telling me how I should consider health and safety in my house! I'd be annoyed.
Bleach in the bathroom, unattended irons, etc I'd be mindful of but no, I wouldn't be putting my laptop away if I was 'dipping into it', I'd be expecting you to watch your kid, much more carefully than you would in your own home.
She did invite you but I doubt she wants you there. No more than you will want her living in your house, but she loves you and she won't see you homeless. She's doing you a favour and you're making yourself sound quite entitled.
You've both had a scare. Emotions are heightened. Come up with some rules together including an end date. This will involve establishing how realistic it is that you'll get housed by the council anytime soon. You need a plan B

If this is the most thing you have to worry about about the moment then I don't see the issue, she should not have to change her house

I'm so sorry OP. I babyproof if a small child is visiting, let alone a grandchild.

Did she actually raise you or were you always in nursery/grandparents etc? Either she's forgotten or doenst know what an 18m is like. My friend had this when she was temporarily staying with her parents for a few weeks, Dad kept on making comments about her baby, he was totally clueless not being around when she was the same age. In saying that, unfortunately it is her house so not much you can do, although I suspect of something valuable breaks she'll be annoyed. Perhaps best to ask her what the alternative is in a nice way

I'd just say back, "well if DC breaks anything don't blame me." It's her choice, isn't it.

YANBU my mum would baby proof no problem because she's generous and kind, and loves my kids.

I think your mum's being petty. She's offering you somewhere to stay but making sure you don't feel comfortable, it's rude of her.

Exactly this.

It’s her house and the way she probably sees it is control your own kids I’d be looking for anything! Council properties are rarer than rocking horse shit tbh.

I would never want to make my kid feel shit for having to move in in your shoes. She was mean. You were being sensible.

Mmm. For me it kind of depends on what you mean by 'baby proof'.

If you mean putting locks on cupboards, moving all ornaments up a level, stair gates everywhere I'd say YABU. I never did that for my small kids - just kept an eye and firmly told them 'no' when they went near things that they shouldn't touch. Even a 1year old can understand a no.

If you mean safety measures like keeping dishwasher tablets and medicines out of sight and reach, not letting saucepan handles stick out. Not leaving hot drinks in reach (scalding is biggest reason for A&E admissions in small children ), being careful not to leave tiny batteries in reach. Cutting up grapes before feeding to avoid choking (2nd biggest cause of hospital admission for toddlers) , then YANBU

For me it's a conversation about that balance. You need to compromise, but your parents need to be safe around your children as they would be devastated if they were responsible for an injury or worse. You need to help them understand the risks and work out together what is reasonable.

And if your mum can't protect her laptop from a marauding toddler then hey Ho that's on her.

Good luck with finding a new home.

My DPs and DPIL automatically did this when mine were little and I have done the same for family visits. That is just common sense. She is being a bit daft.

Toddler proof home

I think it's an odd attitude. Our house is no longer baby proof. When a little one visisted we moved all the things they could reach that I was bothered about and put dangerous things away. Just seems logical to me.

I think she's saying it's down to you to supervise, she shouldn't have to have her life turned upside down. I'm not like that around my grandkids but a lot of people are.

How bad was the relationship break up? Are the children your ex’s? Is there no way at all you can go back to your old home and he move out or share the house till something else is sorted?

‘Kid’ is her grandchild she could try helping with the baby instead of being a pissed narky moo.

You really need to supervise the 2 yo. Not sure why she was running around pulling wires in front of you & it took you so long to react

I'm sorry you're feeling unwelcome and under the pump to move out so that you can give your mum back her space. You'll get there, it maybe a struggle but you'll find a house and you'll settle into your own

Little ones think anything they can touch they can have and in time they learn what they can and can't touch... in time.

When I visited parents as a single parent with 18 month twins and a 6 year old id generally do a bit of a sweep myself and move things to higher shelves but I also watched my kids like a hawk - relaxing? No! But at the end of the day it's her home and your kids and she's doing you a favour here

@Itsbritneybitch22 ‘Kid’ is her grandchild she could try helping with the baby instead of being a pissed narky moo.

Yes,the kid is her grandchildren and I'm sure she is trying to help. I mean she's put up with far more than anyone would normally do so for a random 'kid'. Unfortunately mum has abused her kindness. Maybe gran would be happy to have the child provided she was in charge. Maybe there's no need for them both to leave.
As for pissed narky cow, I feel she's quite entitled to be both pissed and narky. Cow I'm not sure of, but all j see is a mum/grandma laying down boundaries. You see cow, most of us see assertive.

You sound really passive about finding alternative accommodation, perhaps your mother noticed this and is starting to feel a bit resentful?
You need to make a plan instead of just waiting for a council house.

Well probably because her mum is still better than her ex, and certainly better than being homeless? Not everyone has a loving family home to go back to if their relationship doesn't work out, in fact more often than not the people who had a tough childhood are the ones that make bad relationship decisions (sorry OP, I don't want that to sound like I'm blaming you, I was exactly the same). Sometimes it's the lesser of two evils.