Was anyone rejected by a parent?

[Mooshamoo]

My dad was in my life till I was aged 5. Then my parents broke up and he met a new woman. Once he met the new woman that was it , he didn't want to see me again. He moved to a different country. He sent me a letter when I was a teenager saying he didn't want to see me again.

I naively thought he couldn't possibly mean it. And I went over to see him once when I was an adult. And he told me face to face that he didn't want to see me again. I didn't try again.

He is dead now. I just still feel such burning rage over it.

Me and my brother were in poverty when we were young. I've seen photos of my dad and his girlfriend at this time going off on lovely holidays.

My brothe spent a lot of his teenage years in a psychiatric hospital after cutting his wrists because he was suffering so much. My father was told about this , and he still didn't see my brother at all.

There was a time when we were in temporary emergency accomodation between houses when I was young because I was so poor. He never once asked if we were ok.

I have to accept that my own father didn't give a shit about my poverty and suffering and he didn't give a shit about me.

It's hard to bear. It makes me feel worthless and angry all the time.

I was reading a book about man called Wayne dyer. Wayne dyer had a similar father. Wayne's father left his mother. She had three small boys. His father never contacted them again, and the three boys were so poor that they ended up in foster care. Wayne said he was full of rage to his dad all his life and when he found his dad's grave he went to spit on it.

When he got to the grave he said he had an epiphany, he actually managed to feel forgiveness for his father.
And then his own life improved vastly and he went on to live a good life, and write beat selling books.

I feel like I can't forgive my dad, he let us suffer. It feels hard to get over.

Has anyone been rejected by their parent. And how did you get over it.

Had this all my life. Eventually stopped trying to be what they wanted, whatever that was, and found it made no difference as they didn't even notice.
I don't care any more.

Yeah my parents split when I was 1. I saw dad on and off until I was 6 then he disappeared.
He turned up at his uncles when I was 13. It was arranged for me to go visit him. He fucked off the night before knowing I was coming.
He died when I was 17.
I've had counselling. It's left me with that core belief that I'm worthless. If your own parents can't love you then why would anyone else.

Now I'm older I can see it's probably a good thing he wasn't in my life as a kid. He was an alcoholic and unstable.

I can't forgive but I try to believe that he knew he was crap and that the alcohol took over his life and therefore he probably made what he thought was the best decision - not to fuck my life up.
It's taken 48 years to get to this point though and I don't really think about him anymore.

Yes. I was four when my mum kicked my dad out and told him to take me, too (but not quite so politely!)

I can hand on heart say my life was shaped significantly by having an amazing father more than it was for having an absent mother. So there was nothing really to 'get over'.

I sporadically saw my dad (it's very odd referring to him as 'dad' as he's basically a stranger) until I was 8 then he disappeared from my life except for pushing £100 through the letter box every christmas. At 14 I wrote a letter asking to see him. He picked me up in a lovely car - there's such a theme on this thread of how these men live relatively moneyed lives, leaving their kids and women in financial despair - and took me to his house where he lived with his current wife and daughter who was about 5 years old. My dad and I had nothing to say to each other, the other daughter clearly had no idea who I was but I was sent to her bedroom to get to know her.

It occurred to me he disappeared from my life around the time this other daughter was born. I chose not seen him again but a few years ago I tracked him down on Facebook. He's with another woman now and the other daughter is nowhere to be found on his page. I wonder if these women have been told about me.

I've got an amazing husband and a son who I know I've brought up well. But I've always been quite suspicious and distrustful of men.

HI im 52 male. I was rejected by both parents. My mother had me very young She didnt bother telling the dad as their relationship was casual and she ( rightly so ) didnt think she would get anywhere. THis was 1971 so im not sure how things stood re paternity tests. He found out about me from age 10. Despite living in the same county he never expressed any desire to know me He was just married, had a business and i think his life was mapped out, No room for another life he had brought iinto the world. I wrote to him at 20 , no reply. Finally in 2010 i messaged his sisters and one of his sons (24) . THey had no idea of my existence. THe were welcoming initially but despite even this, my father would not me , even once. By this time he had a very successful business and was on the board of directors of a football club his lifes passion. I was one of those kids, overweight , no good at sports, a ' sissy'' to use old terminiology. Id have been an embarassment so its just as well he didnt know me. He died of heartfailure in 2014 age 63. Im now estranged from the family. I found out the real reason for him never wanting me in his life. He didnt deny my existence but if he had normalized me as a son he might have been obliged to do for me what he did for his other 3 sons when he died. Leave large life insurance policiies. I never wanted his money but when his sister told me all this and it fell in place i was devastated. After his death, his partner ran his business into the ground before selling it at an undervalue.
Now to my mother, at 12 she had qualified as a mental nurse we had a home and finally i had safety as living with my grandparents was a tinderbox. Her number 1 priority was findinng a man to marry , she had turned 30 and single. A man did come into her life .He has two daughters and his wife had left him. THere was something off about him , He had this vibe that he could snap a babys arm and smile while he did it. A therapist in more recent years suggested malignant narcissism and low grade psychopathy. When they married in 1984. my lifei went from miserable to unendurable. First thing was my beloved book collection vanished. We had only moved two streets away. He hadnt really wanted to marry my mother and as soon as the ink was dry , the mask came off and to say life was hell on earth is understatement, He resented the fact he had to work so s schefule was devised where the girls and myselff were treated as unpaid skivvies. Anyone else heard of a schoolboy up until 3 in the morning ironing girls clothers? He has pornography which though legal was stomach churning, My mother awlways aprioritised him above me. He could tell the wickedest of lies about me, refer to me as big pansy and big girl in front of a room of company she would get angry with me if i complained. My schoolwork went to shit but i was apparently just bone idle. by middle age i called my mother by her first name as i couldnt call her mother. She is still married to him, In recent years she has turned against him and is for me now. ARent i lucky. WHen you betray a child, its for life , THey never forget. I think now i miss a father figure in my life more than anything, no man has ever put his arm around me and said im here ffor you son. you are safe and ill teach you to be safe without me. Sorry for the long story . Last year i slashed my neck and wrists as i felt i had nowhere else to go. I survived but still feel the same. Best wishes to all.

an2024 · Today 14:58

HI im 52 male. I was rejected by both parents. My mother had me very young She didnt bother telling the dad as their relationship was casual and she ( rightly so ) didnt think she would get anywhere. THis was 1971 so im not sure how things stood re paternity tests. He found out about me from age 10. Despite living in the same county he never expressed any desire to know me He was just married, had a business and i think his life was mapped out, No room for another life he had brought iinto the world. I wrote to him at 20 , no reply. Finally in 2010 i messaged his sisters and one of his sons (24) . THey had no idea of my existence. THe were welcoming initially but despite even this, my father would not me , even once. By this time he had a very successful business and was on the board of directors of a football club his lifes passion. I was one of those kids, overweight , no good at sports, a ' sissy'' to use old terminiology. Id have been an embarassment so its just as well he didnt know me. He died of heartfailure in 2014 age 63. Im now estranged from the family. I found out the real reason for him never wanting me in his life. He didnt deny my existence but if he had normalized me as a son he might have been obliged to do for me what he did for his other 3 sons when he died. Leave large life insurance policiies. I never wanted his money but when his sister told me all this and it fell in place i was devastated. After his death, his partner ran his business into the ground before selling it at an undervalue.
Now to my mother, at 12 she had qualified as a mental nurse we had a home and finally i had safety as living with my grandparents was a tinderbox. Her number 1 priority was findinng a man to marry , she had turned 30 and single. A man did come into her life .He has two daughters and his wife had left him. THere was something off about him , He had this vibe that he could snap a babys arm and smile while he did it. A therapist in more recent years suggested malignant narcissism and low grade psychopathy. When they married in 1984. my lifei went from miserable to unendurable. First thing was my beloved book collection vanished. We had only moved two streets away. He hadnt really wanted to marry my mother and as soon as the ink was dry , the mask came off and to say life was hell on earth is understatement, He resented the fact he had to work so s schefule was devised where the girls and myselff were treated as unpaid skivvies. Anyone else heard of a schoolboy up until 3 in the morning ironing girls clothers? He has pornography which though legal was stomach churning, My mother awlways aprioritised him above me. He could tell the wickedest of lies about me, refer to me as big pansy and big girl in front of a room of company she would get angry with me if i complained. My schoolwork went to shit but i was apparently just bone idle. by middle age i called my mother by her first name as i couldnt call her mother. She is still married to him, In recent years she has turned against him and is for me now. ARent i lucky. WHen you betray a child, its for life , THey never forget. I think now i miss a father figure in my life more than anything, no man has ever put his arm around me and said im here ffor you son. you are safe and ill teach you to be safe without me. Sorry for the long story . Last year i slashed my neck and wrists as i felt i had nowhere else to go. I survived but still feel the same. Best wishes to all.