AIBU to consider a fwb

[TisTimes]

Im divorcing my abusive stbx. No sex for the past two years.
I've done a lot of inner work on myself, and whilst im not ready for a proper relationship (for the time being) i miss sex! What do i do? Im a mum of 2 in my forties. Where do i even begin? And would anyone even want me with my cellulite, c-section scars, stretch marks etc.. I would love a fwb...another grown up to talk to and have sex with without the complexities of commitment. But i have no single male friends, and am scared of tinder..

I met mine a few years ago online. We stayed FB friends even though I got back together with my ex, and had never actually met. When I split with my ex for good I spent a few months getting over him, then when I was ready I actually had a saucy dream about FWB guy and sent him a message saying so. And that I was now single so if he was ever over this way we should meet up for a drink.

We did, he was lovely but totally unsuited to me for a relationship (10 years younger, bit of a party guy, not very generous financially as he saves all his money for partying!) but I felt a buzz so we got together for a second ‘date’ at his house!

Have done so a few times now, whenever I don’t have a dating prospect on the horizon and need some sex. He’s said he’s more than happy to be my back up guy, and he’s always been lovely about the way I look despite being old and fat, with stretch marks and cellulite! I turn the lights down and pick my positions carefully 😂

it’s really boosted my confidence and tides me over so o don’t settle for the wrong relationship looking for sex! Thoroughly recommend as long as you can trust yourself not to fall for him!

Tinder is shit imho - I use bumble.

I met mine in pubs. It lasted for two years, until I decided that I wanted a relationship again.

I live in a small town where everyone pretty much knows each other.. can't pick anyone up in the pub without ex finding out. I dont want him to know cause he's toxic.. I'd love a set up like you ladies have!! I also dont want to get involved with anyone only because i want sex. I want just the sex and chats for the time being.

the trouble with old is most of them will only want the sex and not the friendship

On you go but don't set your age preferences too high. I went online looking for a FWB a few years ago when I was 49. I got nothing but utter rubbish, worn out men who wanted someone to tolerate their 'windsock'. So I lowered my age pref from over 45 to over 30. I figured if I was going to be shameless then I might as well do it properly. The result was amazing. It would appear that young men really like the middle aged ladies & not a windsock in sight.

I'm now in a long term relationship with my FWB.

If you are traumatised and need to do a lot of ‘inner work’ on yourself, no, I’d suggest you invest in a vibrator instead.

If dating properly and having a meal or a cinema trip with a man seems too much, then I don’t suggest you throw yourself into what can be an extremely messy and angsty fuckpie of no strings sex.

@Suprima i have a vibrator. I dont want a ltr because i don't want my kids to have to deal with a new adult in their lives right now. I also want it to be 'real' love if i ever have a relationship again. I wont settle ever again just because i might be lonely/horny/scared to be alone/for status etc etc.. Only true, honest, love for each other, which i think is difficult to find because i've never had it.

I meet men about 10 or more years younger than myself on Tinder. I am 48.

Men in their 30s love women in their 40s. We have our shit together, relatively drama free, not needy and don’t want children 🙌

I had a few awesome FWB when my kids were young and I was not menopausal. It stopped me looking for live where I might have compromised and settled for less because I was horny lol

@TheSlowRush that's so interesting! Im 42, so i guess i should look at 32 😂 (Seems too young tbh)

Get on fabswingers

Your OP suggests you are quite vulnerable, whether you intended that or not. NSA sex can be just as messy as an actual relationship. It doesn’t matter if there are no labels.

I’m not suggesting you go out and find a long term partner and introduce them to your kids. Quite opposite. The ‘inner work’ should really be coming first. What I meant was, if you’re not in the place to be having a drink with a bloke and getting to know them properly- letting a stranger literally inside you probably is a step too far right now.

Seems like you’ve made your mind up. However, NSA stuff only works if you are a confident, secure, ice queen who can assert your boundaries and listen to your spidey senses. I would be extremely wary of letting a man into my life (doesn’t matter if they aren’t your ‘boyfriend’- your address, social media, phone number) if I recognised that I didn’t have my shit together and was going through a turbulent time.

Same situation here. I went on bumble, and I'm meeting with a fantastic man having incredible sex. I've never been happier.
Do it!

Omg
im the same
in 44 and went on a date with a guy who said he was 37.

we went for a drink and he definitely wanted sex and I said I don’t sleep on first dates.

anyway forward to now he still wants a FWB but I questioned his age as he definitely was younger. Turns out hes 28! But absolutely fucking delicious 28

i would put him in the same rank as rege Jean page! I’m so torn!

I haven’t had sex in 4 years - 4. YEARS!!!

I don’t know what to do

I've had two amazing FWBs. They both drifted off because that wanted something else. Funnily enough they've both come back. One after three years. I'm happy to be "Mr fallback guy". As long as they tell me what's happening and do things the right way. I'm happy to go with the flow.

Go for it!

You KNOW what to do alright 😁😁😁

Enjoy!

My man is 15 years younger than me. It works very well indeed.

I really need to know what you do now, & how it goes!

@User556 go for it! He's a grown up and can choose his sexual partners and so can you.

@Suprima i don't want 'a stranger' inside me. That's a one night stand in my opinion. I want regular sex, chats and maybe a glass of wine with another grown up every now and again without any obligations of a relationship. Why not? Im in my 40s and have been without sex for 2 years!

If I was in your shoes OP I'd go for it.

A fwb sounds just right. No strings, just adult company, nice times and sex.

Don't be nervous about going online. There are loads of people looking for the same.