Potential ectopic pregnancy - trouble coping with restrictions (esp sex)

[libertybonds]

I am experiencing a very slow miscarriage/ potential ectopic pregnancy. At this stage, I am symptomless other than elevated HCG levels. No pain, no bleeding, no feeling of being unwell.

It has now been a few weeks of not being allowed to have sex or lift heavy things. I'm under medical supervision in case there is an ectopic pregnancy that hasn't been located.

This seems to be unreasonably difficult for me. My partner and I normally have a very active sex life. It's an extremely important part of our relationship.

I also feel utterly useless not being allowed to physically extert myself. It's like being a helpless invalid. The entire pregnancy and loss have been a huge shock and I just want to feel normal again.

Any advice on coping is welcome!

YABU: it's only a few weeks. You are lucky that you don't have any symptoms (yet)

YANBU: it's really hard and here are some words of wisdom to help

How many weeks pregnant would you be?? Surely it must be big enough to now be able to locate it on a scan?
I don’t really understand how they can’t know of you’re actually pregnant or not after several weeks?

Just do other stuff. Sex isn't just PIV.

@Smartiepants79 my HCG levels are higher than they should be. An ectopic pregnancy would not necessarily grow at a normal rate or it could be some retained tissue. I've had 4 transvaginal scans in the past 3 weeks and so far nothing identified.

@Oysterbabe this is not satisfying to me. I feel like a teenager. My partner is incredibly supportive and understanding, but I feel sad about everything and there is no replacement for that connection.

First of all, sorry that you are both going through this.

YABU totally and completely. While it's shit not to be able to activities you're use to. There's a reason for it.

Being put on pelvic rest sucks. Trust me, I ve been there far too many times. The risk of infection and complications are not worth getting your rocks off.

Also, has it been confirmed that you are definitely having a pregnancy loss? I currently am pregnant and due soon with what I thought was going to be another ectopic or mc. (Had bleeding and all the symptoms, trips to the epu and private consultations, scans and bloodwork) turns out I just found out I was pregnant super, super early this time around.

If intimacy is that important to you both (it was for me) you can demonstrate your love in other ways and if wanted help him out. (And, I'll probably get piled on for saying that. But, for me it was important that I could do that)

I hope everything turns out OK for you. Really am wishing you the best.

I think, unfortunately, you’re just going to have to ride this wave of sadness and restrictions

Sorry, was typing and didn't see your update.

I had this a few years ago, it took a total of 14 weeks to sort out. It was a ruptured ectopic in my case and conservatory management was used. Which included daily blood tests at one point, many, many scans and the bleeding lasted on and off for 10 wks. During this time I was on strict pelvic rest and limited working duties.

It's a long hard road but it sounds like you have a good supportive partner which always helps. Again, so sorry you're going through this.

Are you having regular bloods as well as the scans? When's your next scan?

I had an ectopic last year but was lucky as they picked it up on the first scan. I started bleeding on the Sat, scan on the Mon and EPU diagnosed an ectopic (7+2), went to A&E on the Tues pm with shoulder pain. Second scan on Weds pm found internal bleeding and I had emergency surgery within an hour of that.

So, I only really had one full day of feeling like a ticking time bomb.

How far gone are you? Apparently from 6 weeks an ectopic is usually large enough to detect. I've been told any future pregnancies will be scanned at 6 weeks to check in right location.

Hope they can find it soon so you can start treatment. I found waiting from Monday evening to Weds am for follow up bloods awful enough (although I ended up in A&E by then in the end). So, waiting weeks and weeks must be very difficult for you.

@OneMoreCookieMonster yikes, that sounds frightening. Glad that you made it through. Obviously my few weeks is nothing compared to what you experienced.

@DemelzaRobins sorry that you experienced that.

I found out that I was pregnant at 4 weeks (I had a strange feeling something was off and tested right away when my period didn't start) and started bleeding soon after. It's now almost 7 weeks in. Today they spotted what may be a tiny amount of retained tissue. The bleeding went on until yesterday and is now just spotting, but my HCG levels aren't dropping much (from 650ish last week to 550ish now). I am to return again in a week for another scan.

I think that they consider me relatively low risk, fortunately. I'm also very lucky to be able to access this kind of care.

Thank you, but to me now it's just thing that happened. I am one of life's lucky ones.

Yours sounds similar to mine. Bleeding stopped but then started again a week or so later, by the time I knew it ruptured it was too late to do (I ignored the pain and put it down to severe ovulation pain...proper moron moment) anything more except keep an eye on the internal bleeding which stopped on its own. Hence, the daily blood tests. I'm sure they have given you a list as long as your left arm about when to seek help. Please take it seriously.

Mine ended up resolving on its own but it takes a long time and no ttc during that time. Or at least that was the advice then. After it was diagnosed and resolved it took a further 3 weeks for my levels to go below 5. By the 14 wk mark I was given en the go ahead to come off pelvic rest and was pregnant the following cycle. Sadly, that one was a mmc. But in the right place!

It's a horrible process to go through.

@OneMoreCookieMonster that's terrifying! I actually told them today that I had what felt like ovulation pain a couple of days ago and they dismissed it as a bowel issue (??) though they did check out that ovary and it looked fine.

I will take the lesson from your cautionary tale and be grateful that I caught the pregnancy so early (rather than just assuming my period was late) so that I can be properly monitored.

@OneMoreCookieMonster would you mind telling me if you were already being monitored when it ruptured? Like did they give you the all clear and then you discovered that actually you were still carrying the ectopic pregnancy?

I've had four ectopics so far and the first one sounds similar to yours. Mine was monitored for about 5 weeks and then they suggested medication if levels kept bobbing up and down. We flew abroad for my wedding at that point, which scuppered their plans.
The copious amounts of alcohol seemed to help and my pregnancy test was negative when we got back home three weeks later.
You just have to ride this one out, I'm afraid.

The bleeding is starting again. Fingers crossed that this is the tiny bit of tissue that the consultant possibly spotted in my uterus.

I was being monitored but it happened in the week between scans. My hcg levels kept going up and down and meant that by the time it ruptured they were finally able to see it on the scan. I also, didn't have the typical pain everyone talks about. I did have a weird niggling ache deep in my right hip though.

Every cycle after ectopic whenever I was due to ovulate I'd have ovulation pain and the ache was there as well. Its never gotten any better

Even with this pregnancy, during the first 6/8 wks I had hip pain and was convinced it was another ectopic. I had several scans vetween 6 wks and 12 wks and have since been having 3 wkly growth scans.

If something doesn't feel right, follow your gut and go in. Better to seen than to leave it too late.

Fingers crossed your bleeding stops quickly and your levels bottom out as well. If you get a watery, syrupy bleed please go straight in or call 111 x

@OneMoreCookieMonster thanks - that's incredibly helpful information and I really appreciate your sharing your story. It does sound disturbingly similar to mine.

Best of luck with your pregnancy. Sounds like you are in the home stretch and so pleased that all sounds like it's going well x

Ectopic pregnancies can be life threatening, so without wishing to sound snarky- if going without sex for a few weeks is the most difficult part of this for you, you should probably thank your lucky stars it isn’t much worse.

@AngeloMysterioso - that's really unhelpful. I'm sure she is aware and it could be a mc with retained tissue. Which can aldo be dangerous. She doesn't know and neither do we. She is in the hands of the professionals.

The op is suffering from pregnancy loss and should be supported not chastised.

It's normal to still feel emotions and bodily emotions/functions. Going through my losses and there has been a lot, there was nothing more than intimacy and closeness to my partner that I needed. Its not just about climax it's also the emotional support and sharing that physical part of you.

Op I really do hope all is on the mend with you. Whatever it may be it's a long road to recovery both emotionally and physically. For me, there's absolutely no need to thank me. I share my experiences because I think it is something we often as women hide and bury. And, there's just not enough information or support available.

I am currently mid way to the home plate and will hopefully deliver soon without drama or trauma. It's an unexpected joy and privilege for us. Something we didn't think was possible.

This. Your life and health are more important than your sex life.

Can they not give you a methotrexate injection to speed up the process and bring down your HCG levels? This is what I had To have in the end

I feel you, OP.

You are going through something incredibly hard, and then to have to cut yourself off from an important emotional and physical connection with your partner too... I can see why this would be heartbreaking, all of it.

Ignore people telling you to suck it up. Nothing about this situation is easy.

Wish you all the best.

Now I have started to bleed small amounts of black stuff and some clots. Scan and bloods tomorrow. Will be interesting to see what they have to say.

Hope all goes well tomorrow and you get some answers. X

Thanks x

My HCG is now in the 400s. I couldn't go through with an MVA today but will do it next week if my levels don't go down more quickly.

The consultant said she feels like it's probably a slow miscarriage while acknowledging that it's impossible to know for sure whether it's this or ectopic.