Abroad Hen Do - 32 Weeks Preganant

[AHotBrewWillDo]

I have an abroad hen do coming up at which point I will be 32 weeks pregnant. This was booked weeks ago when I already knew I was pregnant but felt pressured into booking on to it as not many people are going and it's for my SIL. As it gets nearer and nearer the time I am feeling really uncomfortable about it.

I would absolutely love to go under normal circumstances but I just don't think it's appropriate as there will be a lot of drinking involved. And I would have to leave my LO at home for four days which I have never done before.

How do I get out of this without being the bad guy?? Or AIBU? Should I just go and suck it up?

I wouldn't want to go either! Just be honest and say that you weren't prepared for how uncomfortable you would be feeling - you don't want to bring the mood down etc

Make sure she's not out of pocket. Not one penny. Give apologies.

Why didn't you just refuse at the point of booking. Was your pregnancy public news then?

You should have just been honest at the time, but you need to just be honest now.

If this isn’t your first then surely you would have realised?

The only thing that you can do is apologise and reimburse for any expenses.

I wouldn’t go (I had my son at 35 weeks so there’s no way I’d be doing unnecessary flights/trips abroad that late in pregnancy).

I’d let her know that you really wanted to go, which is why you agreed but you hadn’t anticipated how tired and uncomfortable you’d feel.
If you can afford it then I’d offer to treat her to a celebration near home instead (nice dinner, pre-wedding spa, afternoon tea etc).
I think the key to not looking like the bad guy is to make sure that no-one else is out of pocket because you’ve decided not to go (which might mean you end up still contributing to accommodation or activity costs).

You're a muppet for being suckered into this.

I personally would never have agreed to it in the first place.

Is there anyone else going that won't be drinking?

I'm assuming it's too late to get any refund, so you might just either have to accept you wasted some money and not go, or just go anyway then have your own chilled out time!

I went on a hen party when I was about 28 weeks, but paid for a separate room as I didn't want to share with drunk people! I went clubbing, but wasn't allowed to do the go kart racing!

I wouldn't go.at 32 weeks pregnant ,I was like a beached whale at that stage anyway ,can you not be vague and say your midwife has advised against it?

This is too much - one night at a local venue I would say go on and leave early. At 32 weeks pregnant I would want to be close to home and (given LO) resting as much as possible to keep blood pressure down.

I agree with PP - sort the money offer a sincere apology but I would completely understand someone in your situation saying "I'm out!".

I hope the rest of your pregnancy is comfortable and healthy.

Thanks everyone.

I am all paid up, everything is covered so that's not an issue. My previous pregnancy was really easy but this one is just hitting harder and we didn't know how far along I was at the time of booking but not public knowledge so there would have been people asking why I wasn't going etc.

I'll pluck up the courage and tell them asap, just don't want to upset anyone!

I think you should have been honest at the time, but that ship has sailed. Drop out asap, don't string it out any longer, and make sure others aren't out of pocket due to your cancellation.

Would you be allowed to fly by then? Some airlines insist on fit to fly note after about 28 weeks or may refuse to take you.

I would definitely want to check with midwife too and any concerns, not go...

Honestly to save an argument, I'll tell them that your doctor has told you not to fly .