Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Was she rude or was I?

75 replies

AccidentalEyeContact · 11/04/2023 05:17

Or maybe both?

Yesterday I was walking through a city centre when I saw what looked like a woman in a brightly coloured bandana coming the other way to my right. I did a slight double take and made accidental eye contact and she gave me a half annoyed, half quizzical sort of glare.

So, who was rude - or ruder?

YABU - you should have taken more care not to make eye contact with a stranger;
YANBU - she was dressed in an eye-catching way and shouldn't have been irritated about a slight double take.

OP posts:

Chuckydidit · 11/04/2023 07:25

My theory is that she was trying out a new thing with the bandana stuck on her head. You know how it is when you think you look great & someone gives you the look which tells you otherwise. The double take may have shook her confidence.

I used to know a man who was going bald & he had an elastic band around his head to try & cover this up. All he did was draw attention to himself. Although most people have had, have got, or will have cancer, he did not have cancer!

Ellie1015 · 11/04/2023 07:29

Usually if i make accidental eye contact with someone I smile or nod hello.

Either she glared because you looked puzzled/confused/weird or she didnt glare and you are overthinking it.

SherbertDabs · 11/04/2023 07:36

I reckon you’ve downplayed your part. You did a massive comedy double take and she thought you were a bit strange. And then you start this thread which is .. a bit strange.

user1492757084 · 11/04/2023 07:41

No one was rude - unless she gave you the grim look because she did not like what you were wearing.

Two people approaching each other looked at each other - no big deal at all.

One had bright head gear which caught the other's eye - no big deal either.

Why stew over this detail?

JenniferBarkley · 11/04/2023 07:55

Oh I had this once. We were on holidays, packed for sun but the weather changed so it was cold and grey, and I had a headache. Walking to a nearby restaurant for breakfast and feeling a little grumpy. Grimaced to myself, then noticed a teenage girl let go of her girlfriend's hand - only put it together once we were all past each other that she'd thought I was frowning at a lesbian couple, not my less than perfect day. Felt awful but nothing to be done.

Moveoverdarlin · 11/04/2023 08:07

If I was walking though a busy city centre this would happen about 10 times in a typical day. You make eye contact with some people and they smile, some scowl, some look away, some do a double take because they think they know you, some hold your gaze a bit too long, some say to the people they’re with ‘ahh look at the ladies dog.’ Doesn’t this happen all the time? How does anyone on here know what she was thinking? Neither of you were rude, it was just a split second exchange that means absolutely nothing.

LuvSmallDogs · 11/04/2023 08:07

If I catch an adult giving my unusual headwear/chemo-thinned buzzcut a look, I give them a good look back. If it's okay for me to get gawped at, it's okay for them to get gawped at too. :)

FabFitFifties · 11/04/2023 08:14

If I wore a scarf on just the very front of my hair, you'd think I had a head of thick shiney hair. I don't.

furryfrontbottom · 11/04/2023 08:25

AwaaFaeHom · 11/04/2023 06:25

I saw what looked like a woman in a brightly coloured bandana coming the other way to my right

What I really want to know is .. if it looked like a woman in a brightly colored banana, what was it really?

A shapeshifting alien, presumably. You may have had a narrow escape from being eaten.

MasterBeth · 11/04/2023 08:29

AccidentalEyeContact · 11/04/2023 05:17

Or maybe both?

So, who was rude - or ruder?

YABU - you should have taken more care not to make eye contact with a stranger;
YANBU - she was dressed in an eye-catching way and shouldn't have been irritated about a slight double take.

Neither of you was rude.

People on Mumsnet take imaginary sleights from the smallest of things. Eye rolling. Huffing and puffing. Looking at me in a funny way.

Nothing happened. Let it go.

ShowUs · 11/04/2023 08:30

Fandabedodgy · 11/04/2023 07:13

A thread about a glance?

Honestly - this is not even a thing.

Tbf it doesn’t actually sound like just a glance.

OP said she did a double take and then the woman gave her a look.

It sounds like OP did a double take and then continued to stare at her blankly and so of course this woman is going to think she’s odd.

MasterBeth · 11/04/2023 08:33

ShowUs · 11/04/2023 08:30

Tbf it doesn’t actually sound like just a glance.

OP said she did a double take and then the woman gave her a look.

It sounds like OP did a double take and then continued to stare at her blankly and so of course this woman is going to think she’s odd.

Show quote history

It wasn't a glance, it was a look.

Mad Mumsnet nonsense!

Dguu6u · 11/04/2023 08:36

You are worrying about making eye contact in the street??!

PalmtreesAndChampagne · 11/04/2023 08:40

You probably upset or annoyed her. A double take is unnerving like wtf are they looking at me like I have two heads?! A colourful bandana is hardly exotic.

butterpuffed · 11/04/2023 08:42

Bonbon21 · 11/04/2023 07:07

Just sad that neither of you smiled.

That would probably have been misconstrued as well 😆

Arapawa · 11/04/2023 08:43

Are we not supposed to make "eye contact" anymore? That probably explains why this neighbourhood is so unfriendly.

PalmtreesAndChampagne · 11/04/2023 08:54

I think eye contact is fine if you smile, nod or say hello but just blanky staring, double taking without smiling or clarifying why is threatening and uncomfortable. A casual glance once is not like intentionally double taking probably with a strange facial expression, let's be honest!
If you have a resting bitch face you need to be more aware how it comes across to people when you look at them. Ditto if you have a squint it looks like grimacing at people.

WonderingWanda · 11/04/2023 08:56

If you did double take to look at it then that's gawping or staring and it is generally considered a rude. It doesn't matter your reasoning, she didn't know that.

PalmtreesAndChampagne · 11/04/2023 08:59

butterpuffed · 11/04/2023 08:42

That would probably have been misconstrued as well 😆

Show quote history

Most people would take it as friendly, maybe flirty (!) but some people and I'm sorry t say this, they don't have the nicest smile like down turned mouth corners and look like they are sneering at you. Some people's smile ends up like a smirk or psychotic. I think it's just good to be aware how your facial expression and default body language comes across to people. I used to frown a lot when I'm in deep thought it looked like I was annoyed. I've been told I look anxious or worried and that was when I genuinely was thinking about stuff not even aware of my surrounds.

I have known ND people and sometimes the eye contact is so intense it's unnerving. So just being aware of how we come across because even though my initial reaction to op just let it go! The more I thought about this the more I remembered there were times contact with a passer by or someone opposite me on the train made me think wtf is going on there. I think it's human nature to wonder.

CallintheClownies · 11/04/2023 09:03

In the nicest possible way @AccidentalEyeContact if you are filling your time with these thoughts, you don't have enough real stuff to worry about.

Who on earth goes to a forum to ask if someone they passed in the street gave them a rude look?

Bonkers.

Zola1 · 11/04/2023 09:05

This is such a nothing. I look at people all the time, the thoughts vary from 'she is beautiful' to 'I wonder where she bought that' to 'that's unusual dressing' or 'I could never pull that off'.

Magnoliainbloom · 11/04/2023 09:12

Was she wearing it for cultural reasons?

This is the most banal thread ever created on MN and you even went to the effort of creating a username to match.

Devoutspoken · 11/04/2023 09:14

Tattooed faces?

ShimmeringShirts · 11/04/2023 09:52

I didn’t realise it was rude to look at strangers (so long as you weren’t staring). I thought it was called being aware of your surroundings…

mondaytosunday · 11/04/2023 14:17

Well if you caught my eye you may think I was giving you a disagreeable look as I may well have been thinking: ouch my feet hurt in these shoes - I really don't like the way the stylist cut my hair yesterday - did I leave the iron on? - darn I forgot to order new printer ink...
you are massively overthinking this.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread