Don't know what else to do. Can't sleep. Anxious.

[RicciardoPerez]

Posting here for traffic.

Can't sleep - getting myself anxious.
I suffer from anxiety and currently in a job which makes me anxious and I really am not happy there. Colleagues are not supportive, it's a very blame orientated environment. Some colleagues ignore me, some talk to me one day then ignore and bitch about me the next. Raised this with my boss who refuses to see the wrong in anyone - says I need to stop letting things get to me, but it's so much easier said than done.

She's referred me to occupational health as my migraines are getting more and more regular. I fully think it's stress related.

I've been off since last week with back to back migraines and headaches. I'm so stressed out with my job.

I've applied for everything I'm suitable for. I either get rejection emails, or where I have interviews, there's always someone who scores just slightly more than me. I'm still applying for everything I can.
Can't go part time - need the money and got a 1 year old so child care to pay.

I can't go on like this.
My husband says I need to get on with it, I need to stop letting my anxiety win and just go to work and ignore everyone around me but it's not as simple as that. I can't cope. No one is listening to me. No one.

I wouldn't be supported by husband if I was signed off. He and my parents would make comments about it how I need to get on with it.

What can I do? Getting so anxious now. I don't want to go to work tomorrow to face the horrible colleagues. I'm always so pleasant to them, never show they get to me but I just can't cope now.

Have you talked to your GP about your anxiety? They may help with some medication to lessen it. Have you suffered from anxiety in the past or is it totally due to this work situation? Is there any way you could work from home?
Your own health is the most important and anxiety is a horrible struggle so do what seems right for you no matter what your family think.

Also since you had a baby pretty recently would there be any way you may have post natal depression? How was your maternity leave?

@junebirthdaygirl
Maternity leave was wonderful. I didn't want it to end as I just loved the bubble with me and my little one.

I keep saying I'm going to speak to my GP but then I chicken out and worry I'm time wasting.

I have had issues with my anxiety in the past - 2019 was a bad year where I was signed off for a month. I was in a different job but it wasn't work related. It just came on out of nowhere. Since then I've managed it well, I'm bloody amazing at putting on a brave face, but I'm struggling now. I'm in a job where I can't progress in my dept unless I move elsewhere (which I'm trying). My boss doesn't want to see or acknowledge any wrong doing from my colleagues (even with evidence). Just says it's my fault for allowing them and my anxiety to feel the way I do.

Hey OP, sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. I’ve also been desperately unhappy in a job before, so I can empathise with what you’re going through.
can you speak with HR and raise specific points and provide evidence of how the culture is affecting you?
also, have you spoken to your GP as with a one year old, you could still have undiagnosed PND which they could help you with.
when I went back to work after DC, I was the only one with a baby and I had a couple of colleagues who made comments all the time (leaving so soon?? Er, nursery pick up…). It is hard to manage the transition, more so without support, and you have my total sympathy.
I eventually found a job that was more flexible and life settled down. You will get there, it does get easier. It sounds like a lot of things on your plate: new baby, difficult work environment, anxiety, a DH who should be more supportive and migraines (I get these too) are the manifestation of all this stress.
please see your GP. Do you have family who can offer some help to give you a rest every now and then?
long reply, sorry. Just wanted to say it’s hard, you’re not alone and you will get through this xx

My family help out with childcare 2 days a week and I know they would take baby overnight if I needed it (they have done so in the past).

I'm going to speak to HR too and yes I will speak to my GP in the morning, well at least try to make an appointment. I'm struggling to think it could be PND. Days like this I think so, but I do have good days too (usually weekends when not at work). Would that still be PND?

My mum made a comment earlier when I said I had a sore head today. She said well you better be back at work tomorrow. I'm mid 30s and still feel I have to hide it from my parents if I'm struggling with my anxiety as they don't get it.

@Wishiwasmycat I also wish I was my cat! Sleep all day, eat when I want, pay no bills lol!

It’s good to hear that family will take your LO for you, now time to focus on you.
Your mum’s comment is exactly like something mine would say. I like to think it comes from a clumsy attempt at reassurance. Drives me nuts!
please, please speak to your GP. I had a time in life where I plate span myself into the ground and one day couldn’t stop crying. Your MH is your top priority. Make some notes about how you are feeling, so you don’t forget to mention things and DO NOT think you are wasting their time.
As for your job. If your boss won’t listen, document that too and take the lot to HR. There is no place for shitty behaviour in the workplace. None at all. The stress is not helping.
also, once the dust has settled, your anxiety is less, your migraines are fewer and you have some time to think, why not speak to a careers coach about other avenues. You could have a whole new path out there that you’ve not even considered yet.
you have got this. X

@Wishiwasmycat thank you for your kind words. I just hate feeling like this. I am anxious like 2019 but it's a more intense feeling and I am wondering if it could be PND.
My last attempt at speaking to my boss was done via email in writing to detail exactly how I feel and how I feel let down by her. I will forward that email to HR too so they know how I'm feeling. I've reached breaking point at work. I feel so guilty when off sick yet I shouldn't be made to feel like that. I'm also worried as I've breached a trigger point for my absences since I returned last summer - I've had migraines like every month and I was off work wed and Thurs last week with one. Bank holiday Friday, felt ok, just worn out, Saturday had a headache, Sunday ok and spent bank holiday today in bed with a headache. It's defo stress related as I've been worried about being off work and breaching the trigger period etc.

Do you think you’re able to go into work today? See it as a means to an end with dealing with your worry over the trigger point issue? Then use the time to get a meeting booked with HR? Also, might be worth speaking with an HR law expert as sounds like the job is causing this vicious circle.
i don’t know what field you work in, but I’m guessing it’s quite pressurised? You probably loved it before but now your priorities have changed and you’re maybe feeling torn between work and home and that’s so understandable.
I wish I could offer more advice. Mine are much older now and it does get easier eventually. X

NHS - project officer, so yes very pressurised for results and reports etc. I do want to go into the office tomorrow, but I physically can't. Its making me so anxious having to face the colleagues who are so horrible to me. But I don't want to deal with my husband moaning at me for not going in, nor my parents. I can't deal with that either.

Not everyone is a good fit for traditional employment. Could you look at starting your own business / going freelance? What sort of salary would you need to match?

I did look into it during maternity leave but it's not feasible.

I was in a similar situation.

Migraine frequency increasing = absence triggers being reached = deteriorating relationships with colleagues (no-one can have that many 'headaches' that keep them from work = stress = more migraine.

I requested a review of my migraine medication, was referred to a headache specialist (not a neurologist) and he recommended a new medication regime. Migraine reduced to its previous frequency meaning far less absences meaning far less absences triggers meaning better relationships with colleagues (as they no longer had to resentfully cover for my absences) meaning less stress.

It's worth a shot if the frequency has increased substantially. It may be time to be prescribed a preventative medication, or a different one if you are already on one.

As an aside this happened when my hormones were changing during peri-menopause. Pregnancy/birth may have altered your hormones?

Pretty much sums it up. I was on propranolol before but when the effects wore off, I would feel my heart pounding, so came off it. Was taking yellow and pink migraleve pre pregnancy but they don't help now so will see what the GP can do.

It sounds like you should have had medication a while ago rather than being told to suck it up by your less than supportive husband. Please speak to your gp.

I'll be phoning first thing in the morning. Hope I can get some help.

ask your GP for sertraline, the first two weeks will be difficult but a month in the anxiety should ease. Also mediation, yoga, walking, find a counsellor, keep applying for jobs but first get someone to review your statement.

I'm trying so hard to get to sleep. My mind just goes into overdrive and I'm just lying here silently crying whilst my husband snores gently.

I'm scared of going on medication. I'm scared the doctor will dismiss me. I'm scared of what my boss will say. I can't go in tomorrow, not like this, plus I have a slight headache starting again.

I say tomorrow, I mean today. I'm meant to be in work in 5 hours. No chance. I'm meant to drive to the meeting point to meet my dad so he can take my baby to their house for the day. I can't drive on hardly any sleep, especially when baby is in car. My mind won't shut the hell up

I'm up. I've emailed my boss to say I'll phone once I spoken to the doctor as I'm struggling big time. I got an out of office back :(

I would ask your GP to be referred to neurology. I was as a result of debilitating migraines and was prescribed topiramate. Absolutely brilliant drug in a couple of months it changed my life. I too have worked in environments that were horrifically blame orientated and understand how you feel.

Its good you've been referred to OH as they may suggest reasonable adjustments for work or other things that can help you mitigate the anxiety. In addition, they may actually recommend time off.

Also, if you have worked at your job for over two years you are in a safer position as it is in reality harder to remove someone.

Even if not, you absolutely deserve not to be scared to go to work and I'm sorry your family and partner are so unsupportive. Worst case scenario could you leave your current job and apply for temp work? I've found them useful in between studying and getting permanent jobs.

The last time I spoke to the GP about this, he said he would put a note to neurology to see if they wanted to see me. Nothing came from it so I assume they said no? Worth asking again.

Managed to fall asleep around 5:30am. Husband woke up and comforted me. Woke up and my heart is hammering in my chest. Going to phone the doctor when they open - I suspect it will take a while to get through as first day open after a long weekend....

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Anxiety is really awful and can be very debilitating. Your workplace sounds awful and I have every sympathy as my workplace last year was awful (slightly different reasons to yours but still awful) and I too found myself struggling with anxiety.

Definitely speak to your GP today and tell them everything. Also, please speak to HR/occupational health and again, be completely honest. Employers have a duty of care!

Keep applying for other roles - hopefully with help from your GP, you will feel more able to face things.

You mention you work in the NHS- can you ask HR/Occupational health about redeployment to another role/department? Even if you think there aren't any, there may be options.

I've asked about redeployment but was told (by HR) that it's only for people on fixed term contracts, those who are no longer capable to do a job (I.e, front line staff need to go to office based role after sickness etc), or organisational change, therefore it would not apply to me sadly.

GP opened at 8, 20th in queue and it keeps cutting off. Will try back at 9am when hopefully the rush tails off.
Taking the day off. Emailed the next in line in boss absence and will be phoning them after I've spoken to a doctor.

Heart is still hammering.

I'm sorry you are going through this, I felt just like this last year. I'd taken a new job, a sideways step not a promotion and it was the worst thing I did. Toxic boss, no structure but blame everyone when things were missed. I moved after a year to a promotion in a different trust and I am so happy! I'd speak to the gp. Start looking for jobs and take back control of the situation