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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Car accident

22 replies

Bishbashbosh123 · 10/04/2023 20:27

Hoping someone can make me feel better.

I've had two minor accidents in the last 2 months 🙈. First one, I reversed into a car in a supermarket carpark (they were reversing at the same time so shared responsibility). The second one happened earlier today, I opened my car door and it was really windy (like ridiculously windy) and it flew open and hit the car next to me (I left a note on the car and we exchanged details). Both times I was in a rush with baby or toddler crying in the back.

My husband thinks I get too stressed when they are crying and that both accidents are my fault, I need to be more careful, pay more attention etc. I know that technically they are my fault, but I feel he could be a bit more sympathetic to the situation. I should say that prior to this I've never had an accident and been driving for over 10 years.

AIBU to expect a bit more support/sympathy?

Also is there something wrong with me? Has anyone else had this many accidents in as many months? Why can't I be a mother that has my sh*t together?!?

OP posts:

20painauchocolats · 10/04/2023 20:34

These things happen! Just unfortunately it’s happened twice to you. Sounds like it could happen to anyone

dietcokelime · 10/04/2023 20:39

Both were entirely preventable with paying due care and attention tbh, the first one both of you should have been paying attention, the second one is all on you.

I think perhaps if both times you had a crying DC in the car, perhaps you can not start to drive off / so things when it's happening if you know it makes you pay less attention to what you're doing? It's a quick fix surely, 2 times in 2 months is a lot if they both have the same cause (crying children), so just don't do anything when they're crying if that's possible?

Alarae · 10/04/2023 20:40

I had the windy door thing when I was pregnant. The passenger was still in the car which was horrendously awkward!

We exchanged information and I paid the garage for the repair directly. The driver of the car kindly looked for a refurb part as their car was old anyway to save on costs.

These things happen. Just hold your head up high and take a second for yourself in those situations.

wehavenotomatoes · 10/04/2023 20:52

I had a similar accident recently with a screaming child in the back. My husband made a similar comment to yours. All I will say, this is probably outing, is your husband should be careful how caring and understanding he is to you, within a week of mu accident, my had a virtually identical accident to me, not caused by a screaming passenger. It cost a lot of money. I made a point of not being a dick about it.
Anyone can have an accident and it feels like shit. You're already beating yourself up so you'll be more careful next time, you don't need help with the self flagellation.

drpet49 · 10/04/2023 20:55

dietcokelime · 10/04/2023 20:39

Both were entirely preventable with paying due care and attention tbh, the first one both of you should have been paying attention, the second one is all on you.

This. I’d be pissed off if my partner did this.

Usedtobecool · 10/04/2023 21:08

Accidents are accidents and that's what insurance is for. I get a bit on edge when the children are screaming in the back too and have made a few clumsy mistakes when that happens (fortunately no other cars involved, but could just have easily been). Can't really offer any advice but just wanted you to know you're not alone!
I guess we just have to learn to tune the noise out a bit and keep our focus.

I feel like my husband gets a bit annoyed when I ding the car but his commute is very easy, he doesn't have to cope with the added stress of nursery run and extra stops in the day. I'm sure if he was struggling to find parking spaces and manhandle small children on top of the normal work stress then he'd have a few mishaps too!

Don't beat yourself up, no one hurt

Iamintochampagne · 10/04/2023 21:18

I mean he’s an arse

but reversing into another car, that could of been a person! and I’d be questioning myself if I was that distracted I didn’t see another car

is he correct you get stressed and distracted? If so perhaps think about different ways of managing that because these are fairly minor but preventable

SunnySaturdayMorning · 10/04/2023 21:25

If you reversed into another car you are aware you should have replaced both car seats, right?

PickledPurplePickle · 10/04/2023 21:57

This does seem careless - you’re lucky you didn’t reverse into somebody rather than something

Equalitea · 11/04/2023 07:51

I think it’s very lucky that it wasn’t a person that you reversed in to. If it was my DH doing these things then I’d be very cross, aside from the fact that it could be a person next time not a car, at the money they’d cost because they sound preventable. Stop the crying, stop the rush 🤷‍♀️
Perhaps in future reverse park into a bay so that you don’t need to reverse out?

BitOutOfPractice · 11/04/2023 07:57

All these holier than thou posters. Have you never had a dink? Could’ve been a pedestrian? Except it wasn’t!

op you know it’s not ideal but these things happen. Try not to let it spook you.

the only vaguely useful suggestion is to reverse onto spaces. It is safer (and, imo easier) though I know it’s a pain getting shopping in the boot.

MaverickSnoopy · 11/04/2023 08:03

Why can't I be a mother that has my sht together?!?*

Totally side stepping your question but are you OK? Do you feel like this off the back of these accidents or are there other things going on? Sorry you feel like this.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/04/2023 08:07

It happens OP. I don't know a single person who's never bumped their car into something at some point in their lives.

Please don't feel bad - nobody got hurt after all. Damage on cars can be fixed 🥰

Sirzy · 11/04/2023 08:14

These things happen but if the circumstances which led to both accidents where the same then your husband probably has a point and it’s worth thinking about how you react in these situations to ensure everyone is safe.

LakieLady · 11/04/2023 08:27

The wind catching the door thing barely counts as an accident imo. You have no way of knowing when a sudden gust is going to catch your car door so hard it pulls it out of your hand.

The reversing one is a bit different, but I bet you've learned your lesson and will make sure that you're looking at what's behind you from now on.

Supermarket car parks are a nightmare imo, people, trolleys and cars coming at you from all directions, and often small children running along behind cars and are invisible because they're below the level of your rear window. I'm amazed there aren't more accidents, tbh.

A guy hit me when he reversed out of a space when I had stopped behind him to wait for a driver who was reversing out of a space further along. I was right behind him, he just didn't look in his mirror, the twat. It was someone I knew, too.

Don't beat yourself up, OP, these things happen and I'm sure you'll be more careful now.

thefamous5 · 11/04/2023 09:18

The wind one is something that is generally difficult to avoid - I haven't had it happen but very nearly many times, so that one I couldn't get annoyed at.

I would be a bit 🙄 at the other one though. That's perfectly avoidable and is careless, and it could have been a person. If having crying children in the car is causing you so much stress you are making silly mistakes that could be much bigger I'd be considering whether you are safe enough to be driving. I have four children and have never had a bump. I shut off the crying and tantrums when driving because safety is key.

Original poster

Bishbashbosh123 · 12/04/2023 08:29

Thank you for asking if I'm OK. That's so lovely of you! I am generally and overall feel like I'm coping with two alot better than I thought I would, but in other ways I'm making silly mistakes bumping cars, forgetting things (we have come for a week away and I've forgotten to pack any socks for me and DC 🙈). Those things are getting me down - I feel like other mothers wouldn't make these mistakes!!

OP posts:

AtomicBlondeRose · 12/04/2023 08:32

I went away for a few days last week - just me and 9yo DD who is perfectly able to think and pack for herself, and didn’t bring any socks for her! You always forget sonething, that’s the law - and our joke is always “I wonder what we forgot this time”.

Soozikinzii · 12/04/2023 08:39

My DH isn't Mr perfect DH by any means but when I've had a bump over the years all he's ever said is o well you're OK that's the main thing . The windy door thing was random and how would you know she was going to reverse at the same time ? YANBU

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/04/2023 08:59

OP - I'm a grown adult with no children and I'm always forgetting things when we go on holiday - it doesn't make you a bad mum because you didn't pack socks!

Forgetting to pack the child would be different though

SunnySaturdayMorning · 12/04/2023 10:23

Bishbashbosh123 · 12/04/2023 08:29

You may be playing it down as “bumped cars”, but your car seats still need replacing.

Original poster

Bishbashbosh123 · 12/04/2023 10:54

Wow! No downplaying here, it was literally a bump - we were both going at about 1 mile an hour - if that - literally both reversing slowly in a busy car park. I would describe that as a bump, is it not? What would you describe it as then? I've actually read the guidelines - they suggest they do not need replacing if a very low speed impact and this is exactly what that was. We actually have two cars and therefore two car seats per child - since the bump I haven't actually used that car or those car seats but thanks for your concern.

OP posts:

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