I feel horrible saying this but I'm struggling with how smoothly everything in life is going for my friend. It's not because I want her to experience bad things and not have good things, it just constantly brings it home to me how tough I'm finding my life.
My friend has just had her first child in her late 30s. She conceived super quick, had the easiest pregnancy ever, birth was fine and baby is great. Her partner is absolutely lovely. Incredibly attentive and would do anything for her. I've never heard my friend say a negative thing about him. They have lots of family nearby who help out. Both have lots of friends and are very social. My friend did have some anxiety in the past but since meeting her partner and being pregnant, she's so calm and relaxed. She seems so strong as a woman to me.
My friend and her partner love a social media post. Lots of couple selfies and now couple/baby photos. It's not just the image they present, there live are seemingly effortless. Admittedly it's very early days with their newborn but they look so presentable and everything in their lives is so well organised.
I've got two young children. I have some health problems. My mental health problems are chronic and I'm constantly getting one form of treatment or another. I have adhd too. I had two traumatic and difficult pregnancies and births that were life changing in that I felt damaged physically and mentally by them. My dh and I love each other very much but our relationship can be very up and down and we're constantly working through different stresses. Our families are small and some aren't that local. One of our children has special needs. Our lives are busy and chaotic. We've both given up on our appearance, unless it's fir work. It's just all uphill.
I sometimes feel like a shadow of my former self. Our lives have been especially difficult since having our eldest 4 years ago. Maybe my friend is riding on the crest of a wave and I know everyone has ups and downs. I just feel like her ease into motherhood and her life in general is too much for me as it makes me feel so bad for struggling. I do feel awful for feeling this way. I don't want to lose her as a friend. I guess I need to just keep working on improving my mental health and suck it up.