Once again posting here for more/faster responses

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

Had a disastrous morning with soon to be exDP with him having a meltdown because of mobile network issues which I put down to the bad weather overnight.
Soon to be exDP was adamant that that wasn't the case and insisted that the phone network had cut off his phone and were scamming him and they were dirty p* words and n words, he also threatened to physically assault the phone network staff.
This man truly frightens with how irrational he gets and the solid belief that he's always right and I'm always wrong.
I phoned the network to find out what's going on and I find out that he's racked up charges of £250 on the phone bill so that's why they've barred the line. The nice lady unbarred the line and I have to set up a promise to pay on the billing date and then pay it as the contract is in my name. I feel totally sick over it as I'm dependent on PIP and Universal Credit.

I made an online police report yesterday about the other abuse that has happened and I'm waiting for a safe time to respond to the email asking me to phone 101 as soon as it's safe and convenient.
I can't wait to get away from this man. I know for a fact he's not going to bother with getting access to my DS once I've moved away as he doesn't drive.
I just want to escape.
Please you wonderful ladies, keep me strong and advice me till myself and DS are safe and free.
I'm 27 so I'm willing to bet that there are enough mumsnetters that could actually be my mum in real life

Why is the contract in your name? Can you set a £0 spend cap on the contract?

Why have you promised to pay?

This is not common sense OP. Tell him you have run out of money and are too in debt to pay. Do you have a lot of debt he has accumulated? You urgentl need to extricate yourself from all financial arrangements with him. Call back the phone company and tell them you want the call limit capped at £0, tell exdh you can’t afford his phone and he’ll have to port his number to a sim-only plan of his own.

First of all, stop paying for his phone. Deactivate it entirely, immediately. What is the situation with your housing? Who owns the home?

I promised to pay because I'm worried about it adversely affecting my credit score and it was partly panic to be honest. I nearly fainted. My phone bill comes in at around £40-£50 a month.

I can't cap it at £0 because he'll go mental and rage at me.

Meant to add that before I met him he had no ID despite being a British born person

Let him rage at you then call the police on him and have him removed

I wouldn't say that I have a lot of debt because of him but his spending puts me financially on the back foot and under pressure every month because I pay all the household bills and food. So that leaves me no money for outings or doing nice things for myself.

Yeah I plan on doing this as soon as I'm physically free of the lunatic.
It's a council flat and we are joint tenants but I'm going to speak to the housing officer discreetly about how I can get out of this mad house ASAP. I've pulled my head out of the sand and I've realised it's not getting any better

I would but I don't want to cause trauma to DS as he's only 20 months old

Does he know your leaving him? You need to cap the spend on the phone and just tell him the network did it due to the charges of £250 that haven't been paid. Who's name is the house you live at in? If he gets abusive with you then the police will have to deal with him. Stay strong

I have been through this, I had to go into the bathroom and call the police to come and remove him and help me safeguard my children, they came and took my keys off him and told him not to come back, he did harass and stalk me but I called social services off my own back asking for there help to safeguard my children against him and they did come and speak to the kids and look around my home but they helped me move out of the area and now me and my children are safe. You may have to go into temporary accommodation as I did but we are safe now and the kids and me are happier than we have ever been, your lucky in the way that your son is young and won’t remember if you do it now speak to refuge and and woman’s aid and domestic violence helpline too. I wish you the best

No he has no idea and I want it to stay that way until I'm actually out of here.
It's council and we're joint tenants.
I know the sensible thing is to just not pay it but his rages terrify me. I'm living on eggshells all the time.

This is really encouraging. Thank you. I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but it seems so far away. Hopefully I can escape soon. I'm taking the steps to get out as soon as I can.
I will reach out to women's aid and other groups too in the coming days.
I have to get out soon because my dad is close to losing his cool and nothing good comes from that

Can you stay with your dad for a bit? If he's violent then you need to contact women's aid asap. My ex once started throwing things at me and the police removed him from our house and told him if he did anything like that again then he would be getting arrested and I could get a restraining order, that helped as any kind of arrest on his record would mean he'd lose his job. I hope it all turns out ok for you xx

He's not physically violent but very verbal and he uses his size as intimidation. I'm 5ft 5 and he's 6ft 7.
Staying with my dad could be an option but then I have to work out what I'm going to do in terms of furniture because everything in here was paid for by my dad and knowing soon to be exDP he'd smash everything including stuff for DS because he's a spiteful narcissist.
In an ideal world a homeswap will come up soon and my folks come down with a van and empty the place after another family member drives off with myself and DS

It's like he's waiting for me to lash out at him so he can justify beating me or turn around to people and say 'hey, look, I told you she was crazy.'