Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I Too positive?

20 replies

TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 13:34

My DP has started a new job with ridiculous shifts. Every week for 22 weeks is different. He works two weekends in and two weekends off and can't use annual leave if he is in.

I have been very negative about this as his starting line means that he is on work for everything we were hoping to do this year. I won't see him at all for 8 days while he is on nights shift etc.

So yes I have been moaning and he pulled me up in it quite rightly. I took on board that me being negative is dragging him down and I wax at fault.

So today he emails me from work, how is you bank holiday going?

I replied, really good thanks, had a great session in the gym and lamb is in the oven. What more could a girl want.

And now he has seen his arse because I said what more could I want.

It's a stupid phrase! I could want loads of things obviously, like a million quid or a chocolate cheese cake or a puppy.

I was just trying to be upbeat!

AIBU to be positive like he wanted and say I am having the time of my life. I don't know what he wants me to say!

OP posts:
CindersAgain · 10/04/2023 13:36

What does ‘seen his arse’ mean? Had a grump?

Throwaway0323 · 10/04/2023 13:40

Oh yes sorry it means had a grump.

He just replied back - what more could you want yeah.

With no kisses, ignored me asking how work was going and my reply to him comment about going the gym after work.

Had ignored my reply email although he could be busy at work and not replied for that reason.

MedievalNun · 10/04/2023 13:40

he's probably feeling a bit fed up that (a) he's in work and you're at home! Email him back and make a joke or tell him what you have planned for when he's next home.

The shifts sound awful tbh and he's probably struggling a bit too; it's going to be an adjustment for both of you.

At least you didn't tell him you were searching for an overseas break.

HandbagsnGladrags · 10/04/2023 13:40

CindersAgain · 10/04/2023 13:36

What does ‘seen his arse’ mean? Had a grump?

In a strop.

He's a grumpy twat - enjoy your day to yourself.

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 13:41

Perhaps he thought u were being sarcastic after all thr negativity about his job

Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 13:42

Throwaway0323 · 10/04/2023 13:40

Oh yes sorry it means had a grump.

He just replied back - what more could you want yeah.

With no kisses, ignored me asking how work was going and my reply to him comment about going the gym after work.

Had ignored my reply email although he could be busy at work and not replied for that reason.

Name change fail there 🫣 but yes in a strop basically.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 13:43

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 13:41

Perhaps he thought u were being sarcastic after all thr negativity about his job

Actually that's a possibility, you can't really convey tone over email so maybe. I have been making an effort to stop moaning though.

He loves the job and I am really pleased for him, just missing him being around so much. We both had 9-5 so saw each other every day so it's a big change.

OP posts:
BabaBooPuffinsRock · 10/04/2023 13:52

He wanted you to miss him and "what more could a girl want" implied you didn't miss him.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 10/04/2023 13:54

Your reply sounded sarcastic to me so if that’s exactly the way you wrote it that might be how he read it.

Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 13:57

Ah - I didn't mean it to come off sarcastic, I was going for relaxed and content. Maybe I have missed the mark.

I think if he suspected sarcasm he would have replied differently though, it feels like he is upset that I am not bothered he's not here as PP suggested.

Again though written communication is a minefield without tone for context.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 14:00

Just to add - that paragraph was part of a longer email where I asked about his day and replied about his training session tonight and ended with lots of kisses as is our usual.

Just not sure I made that clear in the OP.

OP posts:
Londontoderby · 10/04/2023 14:07

LTB. And don’t have kids with a night shift worker, you might as well be a single parent!

Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 14:12

Londontoderby · 10/04/2023 14:07

LTB. And don’t have kids with a night shift worker, you might as well be a single parent!

I already have my kids, they are all older teens so pretty self sufficient now.

I see what you mean though, he is in bed for 8.30 every night regardless what shift he is on because he is so tired. Our sex life has vanished, we don't train together anymore.

Everything has changed and I just have to plaster a smile on and be happy about it....... but not too happy apparently!

OP posts:
thegrain · 10/04/2023 14:14

I'd stop emailing him at work tbh can you not text instead?

Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 14:18

thegrain · 10/04/2023 14:14

I'd stop emailing him at work tbh can you not text instead?

He can't take his phone into work.

OP posts:
thegrain · 10/04/2023 14:20

TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 14:18

He can't take his phone into work.

Show quote history

Oh right. He's clearly feeling touchy about it so I'd try to tread carefully while he settles in a bit.

Turnipworkharder · 10/04/2023 14:35

Just ignore any contact when he's at work.... you can't get it wrong then.

ittakes2 · 10/04/2023 14:54

your comment was passive aggressive.

Tandora · 10/04/2023 15:01

I read your comment as sarcastic and passive aggressive. That’s probably how he interpreted it as well

Original poster
TurnipSurprise · 10/04/2023 16:58

It genuinely wasn't intended as passive aggressive and was part of a longer email. I can see how that bit on it's own looked snipey but in the context of the rest of the email with the kisses etc it shouldn't have read that way. He knew I was really looking forward to the roast lamb.

It clearly could have come across that way if several of you would have took it that way though. Still no reply so god knows what mood he will be in when he finishes.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page