Modern dad

[Ukrainebaby23]

Aibu

Back story DH has an ongoing serious but not life threatening illness which causes him pain. He finds mornings difficult as the pain relief wears off overnight.
I do almost all child care, except for a few hours in the evening mostly when DS, 8m is asleep, and odd 20 mins here and there.
Am currently mat leave. I love DH dearly but I think we're out of balance.

Weekend mornings look like this, DS wakes around 6am if I'm lucky so we get up while DH sleeps on.
I feed Ds then he rests/plays quietly maybe naps til about 8.30. I give him breakfast around 9am if hes awake later if longer nap.
About 10am I take drink to DH who is usually awake, then entertain DS/clean/bottle prep til Dh appears around 1145 usually.
Then I'll try to get dressed/washed make brunch for DH while he minds DS. Followed by me feeding DS lunch, etc etc til evening when I might go to bed around 9.30 and DH will look after DS if he's sleeping downstairs, though lately II take DS to bed and read. Dh does diy jobs for a few hours in the afternoon so I look after DS if we don't go out for a walk together etc.

AIBU to expect that DH could at least get up at 10am and look after DS for a couple of hours to give me a break?
Am feeling hard done to as Ds been unwell and I've had less than 2 hours sleep, DH meanwhile has been in bed on his own since midnight and its now 10.15am.

He needs to sort his pain out so he can father his child, has he been to a pain clinic ? What would he do if you weren’t there ?

Yes he needs to get up earlier and in fact I think 10am is ridiculously late. You could stop bringing him drinks and making his brunch for a start.

He isn’t a gamer or cyclist/golfer by any chance is he ?

Can he not take pain killers in the morning?
Does he work?
Do he go out and do things?
What is he like after pain reliefe kicks in?

If he can function after pain relief then he can take some first thing in the morning, wait for them to kick in and then give you some help.

Yes he works term times, gets up at 6am approx but struggles to get put by 7.15 due to the health issues.

He is waiting for decision on treatment plan, been ongoing since last May so not hopeful of any speedy resolution. He can't take anything stronger for pain as he wouldn't feel safe to drive etc. After pain relief mobility is limited, bending really hurts so he can't pick stuff up, but he does manage to lift quite heavy stuff for essential DIY. But I know he's not faking the pain.

Ever since we got together I've taken him tea in the morning, I guess I could take it up earlier. We both have brunch with DS so I wouldn't expect him to make it, though sometimes he does, bagels, or buns etc.

Not a gamer as such, but he does a couple of tablet games, like water sort when the pain is bad 'takes husband mind off it'.

He's not stupid, I just can't see why he thinks it's OK for me to have so little sleep/time even at the weekend. I put up with it during the week as I feel its only fair as he's going to work despite health struggles. He's in the gig economy, doesn't get sick pay, so no work, no money.

Sorry didn't reply sooner but he did let me sleep yesterday after lunch and I didn't see the reply notifications.

He can do DIY for a couple of hours but can't look after his own child for an hour or two?

Conversation is needed OP!

It would make sense to let him have one almost complete recovery day at the weekend - i.e. the format you describe in which he sleeps as late as he wants and only contributes for an hour or two.

The other weekend day he can treat a bit more as a work day rest wise and parent his child for 4 hours in the morning while you have your long lie in to make up for very little night sleep, then you can take over mid day and he can rest then take over again while you have an hour or two to yourself in the afternoon, at least for as long as you are having broken nights and doing all parenting and childcare during the week.