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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smoking Partner

12 replies

Mumoftwo0920 · 10/04/2023 09:10

I would like to know if I'm over reacting here?

So my partner smokes, always has in the time we've been together (9 years) I've always accepted that, so him being a smoker isn't the issue.

We used to live in an upstairs flat, he would smoke at the bedroom window, if I complained he would say I was nagging and there wasn't any harm as he was hanging out of a window.

Now we live in a house, since living here he's always gone to the back and smoked with the door closed so it wasn't entering the house. Recently though he has started just smoking at the front door and standing so he's in the house but leaning out the door. We have a 2 year old and he keeps trying to follow him, so he always ends up near by when my partner is smoking. Not to mention the smoke that then comes in to the house.

I have asked my partner to stop and to go back to going out the back to smoke. But this is me just nagging and it's doing no harm, he doesn't want to go out the back. Anyway yesterday he did go out the back but then he took the 2 year old with him, so he was smoking at the back door with our son with him. Again I said please stop smoking around our son, told him to go out the back on his own like he was before. But then he's telling me again I'm over reacting it's not going to harm our son, he's not smoking directly at him.

So am I over reacting? Cause I'm pretty sure just cause you aren't directly aiming the smoke at the child, it doesn't mean it's not reaching them.

Obviously when I am aware he's going for a cigarette I am making sure our son doesn't follow him but it's driving me insane that my partner won't listen and just keep it away. Our son currently has a chest infection and I'm sure smoke isn't going to help with that.

OP posts:
LaaaDaaaDeee · 10/04/2023 10:04

Smoking is disgusting and stinks. I used to do it and it clings to your clothes.

He's an idiot and has no consideration for you or your son.....Bottom line.

Put your foot down, tell him you are not nagging. My mum has had to smoke outside for 30 years, even in the rain. She has never smoked in the house or hanging out a window or door.

You are not AIBU. Find an article about second hand smoke / passive smoking.

He's an idiot and I'm pretty sure in this day and age he knows about passive smoking.

blebbleb · 10/04/2023 10:05

It's disgusting. Cancer is caused by passive smoking. I don't understand int his day and age people are willingly putting themselves at risk of untreatable cancer. He's bloody selfish exposing his family to it.

blebbleb · 10/04/2023 10:06

It wouldn't surprise me if the chest infections your son has are caused by your husbands dirty habit.

Seeleyboo · 10/04/2023 10:44

Apparently, your partner would have to shower and wash hair as well as clean teeth and change clothes and stay away from your son for over two hours to minimise risk. Even then, he is still a risk because of his breath. Plus, it's rank.

Dutch1e · 10/04/2023 10:56

I'm a smoker and yes he is being unreasonable. All smoking needs to be outside, especially when you share a home with non-smokers (and kids are the most important non-smokers)

Original poster
Mumoftwo0920 · 10/04/2023 11:02

Thank you for the responses. I am pleased to know I am not just some nagging maniac for feeling like he's risking our child's health. Although of course not pleased it is such a risk. So something more definitely needs to be done here, cause I'm not putting up with it any longer and he sure as hell isn't listening and is happy to continue putting us all at risk.

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/04/2023 11:02

DH is a smoker but not ever in the house, around DS or in the car. If I ever found out he did I would leave him and he knows this.

I have no problem with him being a smoker, I used to be one too, but never in the house

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 10/04/2023 11:07

Wasn’t there a study years ago about children seeing smoking as normalised so increasing their uptake?

to clarify, not the 2nd hand smoke being the issue but your child watching and learning it’s ok.

how you broach that one without it ending in world war three I do not know though

Whammyyammy · 10/04/2023 11:23

Smoking it disgusting and your house will smell disgusting because of it.
He's being selfish and needs to go outside

Xztop · 10/04/2023 11:37

I smoke but think he's being unreasonable. It stinks and is disgusting.
I don't smoke when dd is here but even when she is at her dad's I go into the garden and shut the back door behind me.

Soproudoflionesses · 10/04/2023 12:34

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 10/04/2023 11:07

Wasn’t there a study years ago about children seeing smoking as normalised so increasing their uptake?

to clarify, not the 2nd hand smoke being the issue but your child watching and learning it’s ok.

how you broach that one without it ending in world war three I do not know though

I was going to say this too.
When will people learn their behaviour is the main influence on how their kids turn out?

Whammyyammy · 10/04/2023 15:11

Not only is it a disgusting smelly habit, it's bloody expensive. My neighbour smokes and always tells me it's £15 for a box of 20 cigarettes (he hints for me to bring back duty free ones as I travel a lot).
A 20 a day smoker will spend £450 per month, or £900 for a couple. That's nearly a mortgage for most

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