Not an AIBU, just require a handhold.
A bit of background - I’m from an Asian background so we have some cultural norms when it comes to marriages/divorces so it’s normal for family involvement/mediation.
I’ve been married 4 years this August. It wasn’t an arranged marriage. We met in 2018, married in 2019 with both families on board. We are both in our mid 30s, no children. He was married before.
I discovered in Feb he was having an affair with a married woman. The affair apparently started in September but I suspect it was earlier as OW had given him a deadline to give me an Islamic divorce by December. I had no reason to suspect an affair until Feb as he was very good at hiding it from me. There were no obvious signs and anything which I did feel was out of the ordinary, he had an answer ready for it.
The affair ended because I believe OW didn’t want to go ahead with it after I contacted her and we spoke at length. She told me he had painted a very isolated marriage and complete separate lives when in fact that wasn’t the truth. She felt she had been deceived by him so told me she was done. His reasonings for ending it was because of some of the comments she made to me weren’t true, but I suspect it was because he was found out. Families were informed of this affair and due to cultural norms, everyone spoke about it, he assured me he made a mistake and I forgave him. I didn’t trust him 100% but he showed me he was ‘trying’.
The past week he has been staying out until late and being very secretive about his phone. I asked him if he was hiding anything, he said no. Yesterday he went with his friends to the city OW lives in. I have confirmation he was with his friends but where there’s a will there’s a way.
Tonight he stayed out late too until 2am. I had called him earlier and he had turned his phone off. When he came home we argued and he stormed out at 3am and then didn’t come home until 5am.
I asked him where he had been and he was getting aggressive and swore at me. He kicked me, pushed me, spat in my face and threatened to kick me out. He was getting into my face and threatened to hit me in my face. He mentioned how the OW was submissive and she was better than me in every way. He said this over and over again.
I live 300 miles away from my family and my parents are on holiday right now. I called them and they contacted my FIL who lives a few minutes away.
He’s in the spare bedroom and FIL said he will come in the morning. As I said before as we are Asian it’s ‘normal’ to inform families in situations like this.
I think this is the end of my marriage. I should have walked away when the affair came to light but I blamed myself for it. Even today he said to me it was my fault for ‘pushing’ him to have an affair.
Just wanted a hand hold. Nothing else really.