How to make a marriage work when DH sulks?

[fedup20231]

He’s moody, sulky, keeps secrets snd priorities his family over my feelings. Never steps in when he needs to do makes things worse than they need to. One example of thousands: MIL kept letting herself in when I’d given birth all hours if the day and just taking my DD off me even mid feeding. I got depressed and HV said something needs to be done. He always says he would have a word but never did. This continued till I went to work when DD was one years old.

he refuses to acknowledge the hurt his dusters and mum have caused.

anyway to get to the point: anytime I try to initiate any healthy boundary he sulks and acts immature. He hasn’t spoken to me for 2 days now over something minor. How to handle? I will leave at some point but not in any position to right now. How can I handle him and engage him in conversation?

I’m so sorry for all the typos! Wish there was an edit function! Obviously dusters = sisters

I posted on her 4 years ago looking for the same answer, I also saw a counsellor for several years to try and manage my reactions to exh's sulks but in the end I realised with the help of the counsellor and mumsnet that the relationship was abusive and there was no "handling" it.

But if you need somewhere to talk things through while you decide what's best, there is no better place than here and you will get amazing advice, knowledge, and support.

It gets turned on you, as if you’re being controlling. Best to move on, life’s too short.

You start planning your exit meticulously and when you're ready, drop that divorce on him.

This is emotional abuse. You need to call it out and leave him if he can’t recognise it and change. I doubt very much if he will admit what he’s doing to you- the arrangement is beneficial to him. Sorry OP.

My ex husband was a champion sulker, nothing will change unless he wants to

You start planning your exit meticulously and when you're ready, drop that divorce on him.

This. He will never change. Plot your route to freedom (in secret) and then - Go. You and your DD deserve so so much better.

I would probably call him out on it, calmly. Just tell him his silent treatment is pathetic and childish. If he’s got something to say then behave like an adult and let’s discuss it. Do it every time. This worked for my DH and he stopped once I held the mirror up. He’s a good man though and just had huffy learnt behaviours. Occasionally he relapses but I pull him up.

Sulking is actually grounds for divorce..
Take that opportunity op. He won't ever change for the better..

It's emotional abuse.

My knee jerk response would be "stop behaving like a six year old", but in reality I know that isn't the answer.

You need an escape plan. This won't get better.

And get locks on your doors so your MIL can't let herself in.

My DH used to sulk when we first got together. I told him he either told me what was wrong so we could resolve it or grow up but I wasn't pandering to it. I wasn't a mind reader after all.

He stopped sulking.

Anyone who carries on is doing so deliberately.