GPs bday present

[Giveitarestwillya]

Been brewing in this a few weeks. DCs both had birthdays in the last few weeks. Every year the in-laws spoil the other grand children on their birthdays, one recently got £300 worth of riding equipment and the other equally expensive birthday gifts. My DCs got £20 in a card. Would this piss you off? Normally I’d think £20 in a card is very generous, but knowing how much they spend on the other DGCs ( because we were there when gifts were presented) just really pisses me off, especially when my DCs see the blatant favouritism. DH just says welcome to my world as this was his life and still is when it comes to being treat different to his sibling. For clarity all grandchildren between ages of 8-14 yo.

WOW.. I'm sorry, that would be the last they'd see of my kids..

Your dh needs to say something about favouritism. So cruel for your dc to see cousins getting such obviously different presents. He shouldn't stand by and let his dc be treated so horribly. My friend said to her inlaws...continue with this blatant favouring and you will never see these kids! And the GPS smartened up a bit.

Oh yes, that would definitely piss me off.

Are you in a much better financial position to the other DGC's parents? Do your children spend as much time with them as the others do? Have your children asked them for anything specific and been told no?

Your DH needs to go to his house are us m, and say

Why?

His parents not his house!! FFS

@GoodChat no, completely opposite, we are the poor relatives by a long way.

Ive put distance between us in the past and avoided attending family gatherings where my DCs can witness the favouritism. I’ve been reluctant to cut complete contact as these are literally my DCs only extended family and they love their cousins and grandparents.

I know DH needs to step up, it’s hard for him though, he has a lot of unresolved MH issues related to how he’s treated in the family.

yanbu it’s insulting. dh’s cousin got 3k as a wedding gift from his grandparents and he got £50 for ours. it’s not the amount is it, it’s the principle and the feeling of oh they must like us less or be trying to make a point etc

Sorry @GoodChat no nothing specific asked for and said no, I don’t like my DCs asking for expensive presents. Maybe I will let them in future.

Honestly I would. At least if they say no they might give an explanation that will force DH (although I understand why he currently feels he can't, that's awful) to stand up and defend his children.

Do the children realise the difference? Are they upset by it?

They are grateful for what they have, I make sure they appreciate everything they get given, as I said £20 is a very generous gift and they know that. They have seen the difference, whether they have registered what’s happening, I don’t know. I think my older one is picking up more on the differences in the way they are treat compared to their cousins but hasn’t said anything yet.

That's not fair at all . What on earth are the grandparents thinking .

Another thought OP... the children they spend the money on, is it their in law who's the wealthy one? Are they competing with the other grandparents?

Favouritism sucks and someone needs to put a stop to this.

My grandparents played favourites (my cousins got hundreds of pounds of gifts and we got cheap market toys to share that would never pass a safety inspection nowadays). It wrecks your self esteem.

Instead of your husband shrugging his shoulders and saying “welcome to my world” tell him to advocate for his kids before they pick up the same mental health issues he has. What’s he afraid of? That he might miss out on some inheritance? I can guarantee it’ll go to his sister anyway, he has nothing to lose.

OK I get people saying your DH should say something, but if he can't due to his mental health situation, then in your shoes, I would. There's no way I would accept my kids being treated as second rate citizens, and would tell my IL's in no uncertain terms that if this continues they can forget having a relationship with your kids. You say you're reluctant to do this as these are they are your 'DCs only extended family and they love their cousins and grandparents', but I simply couldn't let them be treated like this if they were mine.

Are the other grand children their daughter's children?

My PILs did this but with my children. One visit DS got £50 worth of presents and DD got a pen FIL got free from a client (had the company name on it). DD got £10 at her christening DS got £500. The cheque was returned. MIL now whines that she doesn't understand why her grandchildren don't go and visit her. I want to tell her it is because she is a cow.

My ex PIL were the same. ExH would never say anything. One of the reasons I started not liking him. Wasn’t just presents though, it was everything.
ExMIL DEFINITELY favoured her two daughters’ dc over her two sons’. And of those GC, the girls were favoured. Vile. And yes, my kids noticed.

I know DH needs to step up, it’s hard for him though, he has a lot of unresolved MH issues related to how he’s treated in the family.

And now his kids are being treated in the same way...

Thanks for the comments everyone. I’m glad I’m not unreasonable.

I won’t say anything to them, but I am going to manage contact and the situations my DCs are put in.

DH sees history repeating but he just isn’t in a position to deal with it head on. He’s come a long way since addressing his MH issues and one day I think he will be ready, but I won’t force it on him. I can however manage it for now and make sure my DCs are shielded.

I’m very different to DH, the reason my DCs don’t have any other family is because I walked away from mine a very long time ago. Even before having DCs I knew there was no way when I did they would be brought up in a family like mine. They have no idea who my family are. I think this is also making me reluctant to cut DHs family out of their lives. I have never looked back where my family is concerned where I don’t think DH could do that.