To just want to escape somewhere with my kids

[CookieMonsterMummy]

I’m just so unhappy and planning my exit. In a really unhappy marriage and have posted about him yesterday so don’t mind if anyone wants to read that too. If I do leave him I can’t stay in the UK as it will be too difficult, I was born here so only country I’ve known. Family will not take it well as no one has ever divorced and I will bring Shame onto the family. I know I can’t overnight just go as I need to get back into work (teaching) and save up enough. Also need to do it when it will impact kids less if that’s possible. DH has made it clear he won’t give a shit if I take the kids and won’t try to get custody or try to find me but his mother is a different story but legally she has very little right from what I’ve researched.

How do I do it? Where can I actually go. I know I’ll have to lose contact with friends and family here for a short time at least till I settle but plan for it not to be forever just long enough for no one to guilt me into getting back to my dysfunctional marriage and for my mum not to manipulate me into saying my dad has had a heart attack due to the shame I’ve caused. I won’t contact a Womens shelter - I don’t want to get into it as don’t want other women reading this and be put off if they need to contact a shelter but my experiences are not good. I tried 2 different faith based shelters in my 12 years marriage and both let me down horribly. The conditions were not where I want to live with my kids, that would mess them up even more and would be better for them if I actually stayed in the marriage than live in a shelter. I need to find a home with a job preferably in another country. I’m hoping I can use my teaching degree to some extent - any ideas?

It sounds like a difficult situation for you, I don’t have any experience, maybe repost this in relationships. There are lots of very knowledgeable posters on there who will be able to give you advice.

With respect I think you’re going to find this impossible. Setting up a new life in a new country with your children is a fantasy. You would need his consent to move abroad for a start. Much better to stay in the Uk where you have access to housing/ social security system.

Despite there being long waits for council flats in many parts of the UK there are places without waiting lists. See if you can get a flat somewhere, apply for universal credit, sign up to do supply teaching and look for a permanent job.

Can you not stay in the U.K. but far away? Say you're in the Midlands, then go to Inverness? Or Belfast? Or even Newcastle. You don't need to tell them where you are. And it can circumvent problems caused for you by MIL convincing "D"H to go to the police and say you've kidnapped the kids and taken them abroad. If you legally take them abroad, you'll need proof that he's agreed and usually that involves providing a location. But if you stay in the U.K., it removes the international kidnapping issue which can be extremely problematic.

I haven't read your other post, but it sounds like you have evidence that he's abusive? If you don't, it may be worth speaking to Women's Aid to ask about legalities of disappearing with them, IF he's convinced to put in a report by his mother.