To say no more?

[annmre]

OH and I have been together for nearly 3 years now, long distance (Spain-UK. He isn't Spanish but has lived in Spain for 15 years) and the last year or so has been tough. He's emotionally immature, I think he needs to work on his relationship with my kids, as well as his relationship with me and our sex life which is dire.

We have been living together for around 6 months now. It hasn't been great. He tells a lot of stupid lies, he's very immature and he doesn't show any sexual interest in me so we hardly ever have a sex life ( which he says is due to his insecurities but I'm not so sure, it's only me he's been like this with apparently).

Pert of me feels we need another 6 months to work at it.

Part of me feels it's time to say goodbye.

I'm 36. He's 32. It's not like we're kids anymore.

I have trust issues - I doubt I'll trust him when he goes back home, and I think that will cause issues. I am working on it but fundamentally I don't trust him. Which is also partly his fault (albeit mostly my issues) and I think it will be tough to be apart when we aren't as strong as we should be.

My kids are difficult. They can behave like absolute brats and him being around in theory would be helpful but in practice hasn't been. He is too strict whereas I am too soft.

Lots to work on.

He's happy to move to the UK but we'd need a spouse visa for that. We were engaged but it's not something I'm considering until we are in a better place. He helps pay my bills even when he's home, he has a lot of savings so it doesn't cost me anything to have him here, but it's not all about money and responsibilities...

I don't know what to do for the best. I don't know how to make this kind of decision.

Do I say goodbye or do we try again? WWYD?

AIBU to call it a day? AIBU to try to make it work?

I just don't know how to make this decision. How do you even think about stuff like that?

A good old pros and cons list?

The whole thing sounds like an utter waste of time.

He sounds like hard work in the extreme.
Do yourself a favour and cut him loose, so he can be a dreadful boyfriend for someone else.

He's emotionally immature, I think he needs to work on his relationship with my kids, as well as his relationship with me and our sex life which is dire.

We have been living together for around 6 months now. It hasn't been great. He tells a lot of stupid lies, he's very immature and he doesn't show any sexual interest in me so we hardly ever have a sex life

From what you have said, it all sounds absolutely hideous! Might be an idea to mention anything that's good about this so-called relationship.

From what you have said in your OP I would advise a 100% end the relationship. He's not good enough with you or your kids. He tells lies for god's sake. End it!!!

Do you really need to ask op?
Dump him

You say it's not all about money and responsibilities but it sounds like that's the only two reasons you're still together - because he pays your bills and you want him to help look after your difficult kids.

I'm inclined to agree with @GoodChat
You haven't listed anything about him that sounds like a positive quality.

I don't quite understand how you can 'be in a relationship' with someone who ilves in a different country, when you aren't both young, free and single and able to fly over on regular basis, or you didn't start off with a solid relationship and then one of you has had to move abroad for work or something.
Why would you start a relationship (at the start of covid) with a person that lives in a different country ?

It sounds miserable and like time to day goodbye so you can focus on your kids (and making sure they aren’t ‘absolute brats’) and finding someone that suits all of you. Don’t waste your time on something that wont work.

We met online and were friends for a while. He doesn't have kids so he did the majority of flying, although post covid I did fly to see him.

There are good things. He is very affectionate and this is important to me. He cares about my kids, he makes me laugh. Things are very equal with us, he helps as much as he can with whatever he can. We have been through a lot. It's been hard work maintaining a relationship.

However he is very immature and I think this is his first "real" adult relationship. He had 2 relationships before me and one of those was when he was 17/18 so obviously a long time ago!

I'm a "sit and talk" person whereas he avoids. He's willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, however I'm not sure if it can or if it's even worth trying.

I just don't know.

And I think part of my kids behaviour is due to him moving in, it's a big adjustment for us all.

I also think he should be free to move on and meet someone he has sexual chemistry with and can start a family with (I can't have any more kids)

He is flying back next week, I just don't know what else to think

What nationality is he ? How much did you see of each other over the 3 yrs .

The sex issue alone would make me end it. What’s the point?!

I’d call it a day

There’s way too many negatives.

Also please don’t say you have “trust issues”. You say he tells lies. Therefore he is untrustworthy. Saying you have trust issues makes it sound like your problem to deal with when it’s not. It’s all on him.