Can’t decide on how to get married

[howcanIdothiss]

I’m getting nowhere quickly with planning and keep reaching a brick wall with each idea.

Unfortunately my sis and MIL are quite manipulative in their own ways and I’m not confident that either or both of them would be nice on the day. We have little to do with them but there’s no way we could cherry pick our other lovely relatives and leave them out of it despite how they’ve both been. We are fairly introverted people anyway so a big day with all eyes on has never been the appeal. We also don’t like the idea of spending so much on one day and would rather put it to a holiday. No real rush to marry, but we lost an unplanned pregnancy some months back and do want to try again soon and my fiancé has said he would rather we are married first before we do

We are stuck between 2 ideas really

1. Elope, with a good photographer, hire a hall/venue to throw an ‘engagement’ party when we get back which upon arrival people would discover is actually the wedding reception. We have my parents’ blessing to do this.

2. Registry office locally with the people we want there, meal after then straight off to honeymoon.

We can see pros and cons to both, don’t want loved ones to miss out altogether but I do think its one of those all or nothing situations!

We're doing option 2. Registry office and meal after (just parents and sibling and 1 friend each).
Then booking a party for in a couple month but it won't be a formal do with seating plans and that

What about doing the official stuff just you 2 + witnesses/eloping and then organising
something like a picnic on the beach/nice park so it’s a celebration but you don’t have to organise much - just invites and potentially a celebrant to do a mock ceremony.
People can bring their own picnic - you could have an ice cream van visit or something if you wanted to treat (obviously would need a wet weather contingency). (Or could be at a venue like a village hall with a nice garden.)

A lady in our village had a christening for her daughter and they got surprised married after the christening (obviously the vicar was in on it). I love that.

I'd do option one of ur 2 options def. It's your wedding don't worry about anyone else. Sounds fun!

Elope. It's the easiest one.

No they don’t, are you 16?! I think what’s more ridiculous is to start off your married life with a day you don’t want, just to please other people. We eloped, everyone was happy for us. We’re lucky our family members are lovely, reasonable and respectful people. We chose our friends so no luck required there.

We had the best week of our life, great wedding (we hired a photographer who doubled as a witness). Had a fancy meal, and as we were abroad it was our honeymoon too. I have great memories from that day, would do the same again in a heartbeat.

We eloped. Was the best decision for us. We had a party after. Was about 8 weeks after due to covid restrictions. We had the best day, no drama, was just about us.

We did option 2 but I wish we'd just eloped to be honest. Don't try and do a half arsed event to make other people happy, you can't please everyone, just elope.

And sorry for your loss

Go on lovely holiday and get married while your there.

I wouldn't even have a wedding reception. Just tell everyone you got married

Elope / party but for Heaven's sake invite sis / MIL - too cruel not to. If things get out of hand, you & new DH can just leave them all to it.. ;-)

I officiated yesterday at a ceremony just like this 🥰 My couple wanted to avoid all the fuss and falling out often caused at a traditional 'big wedding' so did their legal paperwork with just two witnesses a couple of weeks ago. Nobody knew!

They arranged an Easter Picnic for friends and family at a local beach, and then surprised everyone with their Wedding Celebration, which I led (I'm a celebrant).

It's not a 'fake wedding' though...this is perfectly normal in most other countries (including Scotland). Just think of it as separation of the legal paperwork and the celebration of marriage...like buying a house, legally completing on the sale, then having a housewarming party to celebrate. In America and other countries, the marriage is registered before the ceremony, which is why on TV they say 'I Do' and walk straight out...the paperwork has already been signed days before.

OP...I'd go for either option...it's your day, so do it your way ♥️ Congratulations to you both xx

We eloped! And then had a party for family when we got home.
Wedding and honeymoon absolutely wonderful, no terrible MIL who to this day 13 years later is just as terrible and we didn't really care how the party went because in our eyes we'd 'done' the wedding.

Btw side note that I always say now. I wish very much I'd married someone with a nice mother. I do love my dh but when I had dc she was so awful and still is and I truly envy those with nice MIL. I know it may not change anything but I was always taught you're not marrying his mother but I really feel like I did. She still gets to me and I'd had LTR without any sorts of drama with ex mothers in fact quite the opposite I really got on with all but MIL. My SIL also loathes her.