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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being rude to guests?

34 replies

DeedlessIndeed · 09/04/2023 13:50

Okay, so I'll preface this with the fact that I'm quite shy and find guests exhausting, so am willing to be told IABU. I also struggle to judge social situations so don't really know if I would be considered rude or if this is a complete non-issue.

Anyway, a childhood friend of DP is visiting our part of the country with his new partner. They have lots of friends to see in the area, so only stayed with us the 1 night and will be leaving early afternoon today to the next set of friends.

After they arrived we chatted, had drinks, went out for dinner and then back home for more drinks / games etc. It was a really pleasant evening. I'm an early riser, so by 11ish I was knackered, made my apologies and went to bed. The rest carried on into the small hours.

This morning I was up much earlier than everyone else (not a problem) so popped out and sorted some pastries / bread for breakfast from the local bakery. It got to 11 this morning and there was no sign of anyone stirring, so I made myself some breakfast and continued to potter about and got on with my day.

When everyone got up I sat with a coffee for a few mins whilst breakfast was being made, and had a brief chat. However since then I've been doing my own separate thing in a different part of the house (i.e. on mumsnet) and don't really want to join back in - I feel my social battery is just dead.

Am I being really rude? Ending the night "early" last night and now this... I don't want them to think they aren't welcome. My OH is very much a natural entertainer, and from what I can hear is taking care of them well - lots of laughing etc.

I don't think I would add much by being there, but maybe I should just suck it up?

OP posts:

DashboardConfessional · 09/04/2023 15:58

Oh god, I hate this. When my friends come for a few days they come on their own, so DH will stay behind and look after DS while we do something like go for lunch and catch up. DH's friends always bring their partner or wife, who I then have to make small talk with.

I'm glad you rejoined but you're not alone!

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2023 16:00

It's fine! They're your DP's friends. My DH will chat for a bit with my friends but will often retire to the study to 'work' (or play a computer game...). Nobody cares.

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 16:05

DeedlessIndeed · 09/04/2023 14:07

Ahh really? Okay, well I'm glad I asked.

I'll go in and offer some tea/refreshments as a "way in" so to speak.

Gahh it's ridiculous but my heart is pounding at the thought of walking into the room. I really need to get better at this whole socialising thing.

Thanks for giving me the push I needed!

I feel for you as I would be the same (no more social battery left) but I would spend time with them especially knowing they were heading off soon anyway.

watcherintherye · 09/04/2023 16:44

I haven’t put yabu, because you sound a lot like me. I do often have to force myself to be sociable, even with delightful and welcome family members, because I think the recharge I crave after a couple of hours would probably come across as rude.

I remember going to visit (quite a long drive) dh’s brother and now ex-wife. Lunch was fine but part-way through the afternoon, with no preamble, she absented herself upstairs never to be seen again (by us, that day, anyway!) I don’t think we outstayed our welcome - arrived 12.30, left about 5 - and I’m sure she had her reasons, but we were a bit wtf?

Beachbodyready · 09/04/2023 16:45

If I was an old friend of your husband’s I’d find it difficult if you joined us. I’d want to catch up on our shared history which you wouldn’t know so it would slow the conversation down or we’d accidentally exclude you. You were sociable last night and then left space for old friends to catch up today. I’d say that’s perfect hosting.

Phos · 09/04/2023 16:59

I don't think its rude in this situation. Its a childhood friend of DP so they're here to see him, not you.

MaydinEssex · 09/04/2023 18:03

I don't think you was being rude. I'm pretty much the same, I'm quite happy to have people over for drinks etc, but prefer them to go home at the end of the evening, if they do crash at my house then ideally they will have left before I get up! I never used to mind, but I do nowadays. Think it stems from having some absolute piss takers staying the night and who showed no sign of going well into late afternoon the next day, literally just laid around on the sofas so there was no where for my partner or I to sit. Proper put me off having house guests!

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 18:04

not your friends i thin you done enough

i think its rude to stay in bed till 11am in someones house unless it was my bestie i wouldnt dream of doing that

KarmaStar · 07/05/2023 17:52

Last night fine.
The morning thing,you were rude!
However I've just seen the date so it is all over now.

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