Can a young child really dislike a parent?

[Rosebel]

Do you think it's possible for a young child, say under 4, to really dislike their close family?
Perfectly aware that older children, especially teenagers will say regularly they hate you but I'm taking about a young child showing they don't like you. Do children that young really dislike a parent or am I being totally stupid?

You're not being totally stupid, so don't put yourself down
Hmm, it would be unusual, and it's not something I personally have experienced or heard of. But it surely must happen, or at least a preference/closeness to one adult in particular.
Is the child in question close to anyone, or are they indifferent to all? ASD could also come into it.

He's very close to Dad, a real Daddy's boy. I went back to work virtually full time in July and ever since then I get the sense he really doesn't like me much.
No reaction when I drop him off. He smiles at pick up but cries by the time we're leaving but is happy when he sees Dad at home.
I usually get him up at weekends but no real reaction. He just wants to go and see Dad. If I take him downstairs he cries. He wants Dad for everything.
I get really depressed. Everyone said it was a phase but it's going on since July. It's a long phase!
I did have a couple of nice days with DS this week but when he worked out Dad was home too I just wasn't good enough.

Oh sweetheart, that sounds so tough. I have 3 daughters, all older than yours. My middle one (now 16!) was a real daddy's girl when she was wee. Dada was her first word and she wanted him to do everything for her. She was even his spitting image!
It's totally different now, and it's me she's closest to just when she's at her most challenging
I promise you that it's all just phases. My eldest was always closest to me because I was home with her, but I'd gone back to work when middle one was young, so it was hit or miss as to who her favourite was going to be!
My biggest piece of advice - and it's so hard, I know - is not to take it personally. And just carry on being the best mum you can be. And you sound pretty awesome to me!

perfectly normal with a lot of children this age. Don't take it personally OP.

Both of my DC were/are the same at that age! DD only wanted DH, unless he wasn't there in which case she was fine with me. As soon as he was there I might as well have been invisible! Now she's 9 and says she loves us both the same, wants to be with us the same amount, etc. It certainly seems to be the case, and she goes go us for different things, which is nice.

DS is 4 and has only just started wanting DH a bit more in the last few weeks. Prior to that he was stuck to me 100% of the time. Even now he only wants me to do certain things, unless I'm not there in which case he has to put up with Daddy! He's getting better at that but it can be a pain sometimes.

It can be quite wearing to be the "wanted" one all the time, but equally it can hurt when they don't seem to want you at all! Try not to worry OP, your DC loves you very much

Thanks for the replies. I'm just not entirely sure what to do. As in do I keep doing things for him or just leave it to Dad.
We had this a little bit with our eldest two. DD1 was a Daddy's girl and DD2 was a mummy's girl but neither were as bad as DS.
As in both would let the other parent change nappies, do bath time and bed time but this is so new.
I was separated from DS when he was 2 weeks as I ended up in hospital with blood clots but he's nearly 3 now. He wouldn't remember that. I don't think it helps he's still non verbal so can't actually ask for Daddy but screams at me but laughs for Dad. I'm so ashamed. I'm a nursery nurse so can't talk to people at work about it because I'm supposed to be great with children. I seem to do absolutely fine with other people's children, just not my own.

Do you think he might have any additional needs OP? Children who are autistic sometimes show a very fixed preference for one person

If you’re a nursery nurse, then you’ll know kids can be little shits for absolutely no reason ;-)

In all seriousness though, kids having a preference for one parent is fairly common, often a phase, and (although easier said than done) shouldn’t be taken too personally. Even if it’s a painfully long phase. Just keep showing up for your DC in low-pressure situations and things are likely to turn around eventually.

My DM also works with children and is amazing with them. She was a SAHM when I was little, and then worked very part time when I was older. My DF worked long hours and travelled frequently. So of course, I adored my DF and made my disdain for my DM extremely clear (huh???).

I’m deeply ashamed of this in hindsight, but literally from birth (I’m told) I didn’t want her to hold me, to touch me - ANYONE was fine but her. I honestly thought she was cringeworthy and pathetic. I assure you, she is neither of those things!

I’m now 30 and she’s one of the first people I call when anything is on my mind. We’ve had a strong relationship for a decade, and especially since I had my DCs. I genuinely enjoy her company. (I still like my DF too!)

I have no idea what changed. But when I’ve mentioned this guilt over how I used to feel about my DM to therapists in the past, they have told me it’s a pretty common feeling and not to read too much into it. I hope that this is a (frustrating) “little nothing” for you too. And I hope that it changes soon! But try not to feel too rubbish about yourself or about the fact that you work in the meantime. You could be a SAHM like mine and still be in the same situation, but with less income and more risk!

On a side note, might be worth talking to your GP about your DS still being non verbal at nearly 3. Could be something to watch out for. Also, you might find that you have more in common with him once you start having conversations. My DD and I have always been close, but it’s really in the last year (age 5) that we’ve started having mounds of fun in each other’s company.

My 2 year old used to push me out of the room when he was playing with his dad. He's still very much a daddy's boy at age 8, but he's had (short!) phases when I was the favourite too. I work full time but my DH doesn't so he sees a lot more of him.

I just think that as long as he's happy and secure then I don't mind being the less favoured parent. It has sting a bit at times in the past though, I just had to smile through it

He's certainly got development delay and I'm pretty sure he's autistic (DD2 is so I'm noticing some similarities. Senco at nursery has also hinted at that). Seeing paediatric doctor next month and he is on the long waiting list for speech and language and physiotherapy.
It just hurts. I see him at nursery and with dad and he's so happy and sweet. It's okay if I'm at a distance but too close and he cries. He even seems to prefer his grandparents, my sister and his sisters to me. Hurts.
Absolutely, I see kids being litte monsters all the time, especially for their parents. Still hurts when it's your own child.

It's a phase OP. My two nephews were Daddy's boys, especially youngest DN. He'd openly say he loved Daddy more and wanted Dad for everything. I'm not sure when it changed but he's almost 8 now and although he loves his Dad his preference is more for mum. In fact I was at their house today and it said on his door - 'Only Odhran and Mummy can come in, everyone else needs a password'. 😆

I think it is normal, but of course it hurts. I had long stages where my DD very overtly preferred my DP, and I read everything I could find about it and concluded it wasn't unusual at all ... but it still hurts! I don't think it is 'dislike' at this age. It's not that your child doesn't like you. So don't think that.

Something I found helpful was that someone told me children at this age often test boundaries because they are feeling secure. A child who is not feeling loved will not express a preference for one parent over the other. But a child who feels well loved will test out the boundaries of that love by (say) asking for daddy not mummy. Its a way of demonstrating that you have done a good job in making your child feel secure.

Please don't feel ashamed.