Baby is driving us all crazy, help

[jazzyjo22]

I will preface this by saying I love my 13 month old dd to bits. She is gorgeous, happy (mostly) and very much wanted. But she is incredibly hard work and it's putting a strain on the whole family. She slept well up until recently when she started getting up a lot during the night and waking up other dc. So we moved her back in with us (in her cot) but she still wakes up multiple times per night. She rarely naps. I don't know how she keeps going on such little sleep.

She's been unwell a lot with lots of colds and chest infections since starting nursery in January. To the point where I think it's affecting her development. She doesn't eat when she's poorly and has to go back to bottles. It's also probably contributing to the sleep issues. It's no exaggeration that she gets rid of one illness and is poorly again in a few days. She's had endless courses of antibiotics.

When she awake she doesn't engage with anything and just crawls around the house raking stuff out of drawers. She doesn't play. I tend to spend as much time outside with her as I can - walking, play groups, soft play, even going to the supermarket just to be out of the house.

This all probably sounds very normal but our everyday life is just awful, chaotic and mundane. My days are spent not sleeping then chasing her from room to room. Dh and I are knackered and arguing. Older dc are being woken up at night. The house is a mess because I never get a single minute to get things tidied up and sorted. I just don't know what to do with her.

Sleep train her at night and let her roam during the day but put her in a play pen when you need to get stuff done

Omg I could have written this so understand how it feels and the feelings that come along with feeling that way 😂

our DS is nearly 13 months and I’ve only just started to enjoy my time with him as much as I’d thought I would in the last couple of weeks when his walking taken leaps. We have to get out of the house as he doesn’t “play” either, otherwise I feel like we’re stuck in a similar routine. Is she walking yet? We take him to parks, softplay, open spaces like shopping centres and supermarkets where he can just burn off energy.

What was your first like?

She sounds a bit like our third. Turns out she doesn't sleep well with company.

She now sleeps in the older kids' room while they sleep on their matrasses on our floor. Ridiculous, but everyone gets a lot more sleep.

The crawling and exploring sounds normal and like she is playing - by crawling and messing with stuff.

You should make a part of the room safe for her to explore. We bought a puppy pen because they were lighter, bigger and cheaper than baby pen. Ours is big enough that I or the kids go in with her from time to time, so she doesn't hate the pen.

She has a play pen but she hates being left in it. She screams blue murder. This is another thing we all struggle with - the temper. I know she's too young to be throwing tantrums as such but when she kicks off it isn't just a whinge or a cry, she goes crazy. It's awful to listen to especially at night time which is why I relented and brought her back in with us. Totally the wrong decision I know but at this point we all just need sleep.

My older dc were nothing like this. They just seemed to slot into our lives whereas dd has taken over it completely.

We do get out and she also goes to nursery two mornings a week (this was when the illnesses and the routine changes seemed to start). But I still feel like all my time at home with her is dominated by screaming, chasing her about and never being able to get anything done.

I do need to get her back into a good sleep pattern as I know with sleep I will be able to cope better with the rest. But she seems to hate being in her cot, she wants to be on me (another silly thing I did when she was poorly was let her sleep on my chest).

My youngest (2nd DD) was exactly like this. Very high needs compared to my laid back and chilled first born DD! Her tantrums were off the scale too, and still are but I learned the cues to distract her before she got into full swing. It didn't work every time but thankfully things are a lot better now. It has taken us time to learn her personality traits but things generally got a lot better once she could walk and talk. Looking back I think a lot of it was frustration on her part, she just wanted to be like her older sister (who she adored!) and once she could "keep up" more, she was a much happier child.
I know it won't help much now but it will hopefully get better in time, we did what we had to just to get through each phase (co-sleeping etc), and hoped for the best!

Can you afford more days at nursery? I had a mini breakdown at about 7 months for this exact reason and went back to work 4 full 9-5 days. They just seem to do so MUCH with them there, I couldn’t compete in honesty. We’re in a flat too with no garden. He has an absolute blast there

No help I'm afraid but my third who is now 14.5 months is exactly like this. Terrible sleeper, terrible temper, incredibly high needs and just into everything. Absolutely nothing like my older two. It's exhausting... solidarity.

Thank you for the comments and solidarity.

@flowagurl I can't really afford any more nursery and to be honest that seems to be where the problems began. While I was on maternity she had a great routine, slept reliably every night and was never ill. I know that couldn't last forever but since January life has been so much more stressful. Illness after illness. No sleep. Tantrums. Now she's more mobile she just never stops. It'll get worse when she's walking. I do think cordoning off and baby proofing one room may help so we will try that. I'm just shattered to be honest.

She’s ill because Covid means that everything is circulating in a more potent way this winter. Next winter she probably won’t be anywhere near as ill. Do you give her a daily multivitamin to top her up?
her daytime antics sound absolutely normal to me for her age.
I also think waking several times a night is normal at this age.
at this age we were co-sleeping after 3am each night just so we could all get a few more hours of rest in.
it’s a phase, it will pass

Yes she takes a daily multi vitamin and I try to give her a good balanced diet but the whole weaning journey has been interrupted with each illness as she totally refuses to eat and has to go back to formula. I'm also concerned that the amount of antibiotics she's had will be causing problems to her digestive system and development. It's all just been such hard work.

There definitely do seem to be some awful bugs around this year but to get them constantly like this doesn't seem right. She can finish a course of antibiotics and be unwell again a few days later. I am planning to ask for a referral if it continues.