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AIBU?

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Original poster

Constantly fighting with DH

2 replies

taupequeen · 09/04/2023 07:53

We just can't seem to get along. The resentment is strong on both sides.

He's just so messy. I feel like he walks past things that need doing / always needs to be told or reminded to do things and then acts like a teenager towards me reminding him. He just completely ignores / blanks me now. He minimises my feelings all the time.

I just feel that I'm always the one stuck with the kids, no matter what. When we go out, I'm always the one cleaning the house/ the kids / packing bags etc. all he does is get himself ready and moan that he can't find his stuff. I'm so sick of it and the fact that I complain about these things, is causing him to hate me.

I just don't know how to get through to him. Now when I tell him it's all not OK and he needs to step up, he completely ignores me. It's very frustrating.

I was awake all night with the baby last night and I'm absolutely shattered. My H would just never think to let me have any kind of lie in, but expects one himself regularly. I'm just so sick of it and I can't get through to him at all.

OP posts:
Desperado40 · 09/04/2023 08:07

I think the resentment comes from the fact that you'd expect him to step up and he doesn't. Did you try to start telling him what to do e.g. just letting you know Saturday afternoon, I am going for walk without the kids. Or I need a lie in on Sunday, please could you take the baby in the morning.
I know that this is far from ideal, but he clearly doesn't step up - if you start planning regular times where he doesn't have a choice but to do it, it might change the dynamic somewhat.
If it doesn't well... No point in staying with someone who does not pull his weight.

Original poster
taupequeen · 09/04/2023 08:11

Desperado40 · 09/04/2023 08:07

I think the resentment comes from the fact that you'd expect him to step up and he doesn't. Did you try to start telling him what to do e.g. just letting you know Saturday afternoon, I am going for walk without the kids. Or I need a lie in on Sunday, please could you take the baby in the morning.
I know that this is far from ideal, but he clearly doesn't step up - if you start planning regular times where he doesn't have a choice but to do it, it might change the dynamic somewhat.
If it doesn't well... No point in staying with someone who does not pull his weight.

I went out the other day and when I came back everything was a mess and he needed a break immediately ( I was out for 2 hours ). We then had friends visiting and I had to try and get everything cleaned up, while the baby wanted to be picked up the whole time and H just spent the entire time upstairs looking for clothes / shaving / moaning about not being able to find stuff. Very frustrating ! So yes sometimes I do leave him to it, but it descends into chaos.

OP posts:
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