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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you get behind the wheel again after a crash?

29 replies

olivejury · 08/04/2023 19:56

I was involved in a crash yesterday, with DM also in the car. We were both fine and so was the car that went into us.

I can barely remember how it happened but we were both changing lanes into the middle lane having each been in the first and third lane and had believed we had checked- clearly we hadn’t and resulted in a fairly low speed collision with impact to the side of both cars. Loads of roadworks on that particular B road and the layout has recently changed so that also probably contributed to the accident. Air bags weren’t deployed and nobody from either car was injured, just shaken up. Both cars weren’t driveable as there was damage to the wheel on one and body on the other so needed to be recovered

Accidents happen I know but I am worried to get back behind the wheel now. I keep having flash backs and worry that it could’ve been so much worse and I/my lovely mum or the poor other family just going about their day could all be in a hospital bed right now or worse! I have never had so much as a bump before and I am truly very scared of this happening again.

I can’t avoid driving either as I work in an outreach role where I do rely upon having my own transport

Has anyone else felt this way before after a collision and how did you move on? It’s just reminding me how short life is. I don’t worry usually so it’s unlike me to be so affected by this!

OP posts:
Original poster
olivejury · 08/04/2023 20:35

Bump!

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 08/04/2023 20:53

I just had to - like you, for work - 48 hours later - same motorway! I was in a 6 car pile up - my car (Fiat Punto was wedged between a Landrover and a white van - engine block was on the floor, doors squished, back end and front totally gone - I walked away with a bruised knee!

I did get scared but I also used it as a learning opportunity - I make sure now I have enough room to stop safely and prefer to do 40 in the left lane in heavy traffic than risk the stop/start fast driving in the right (2 lane motorway) - actually I did stop but was instantly hit by the van behind so ended up in the Land River!) - accidents happen - I think it made me a safer driver

You just have to bite the bullet and don't be afraid to be that driver that leaves a big gap, sits behind the lorry and behaves cautiously!

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 08/04/2023 20:58

You need to just bite the bullet and get back into it as soon as possible unfortunately. The longer you leave it, the worse it becomes.

We were the in the first car of a four car shunt last year, the two cars immediately behind us were written off.

My insurer and recovery both let me down, and I have to drive home, 200 miles, about an hour after the accident with no rear bumper (Police gave us permission). It took us about two hours longer than it should have, but I was pleased in a way that I was forced into it.

LittleMG · 08/04/2023 21:25

Been there op nothing to do with being unreasonable, you need to get back in the saddle asap. Glad ur ok it’s a scare, but learn and move on. No amount of worrying or thinking can change what happened the past isn’t a think it doesn’t exist anymore so onwards and upwards xx

Ozgirl75 · 08/04/2023 21:26

I had a truck go into the back of me when I was turning right, this was 4 months ago. Again, all fine, we walked away, car was a write off. I also think I’m probably slightly more cautious now - there was nothing I could have done to stop this crash (driver was on their mobile) but now I’m super pro active about checking my mirrors when I have to stop, and I always make sure I have a lot of room to brake and that no one is following me too close behind. If they are I just have to slow down to increase the braking distance.
I feel much better about driving but the first time I had to get back in the car I was quite jittery although had to hide it from the kids.

Original poster
olivejury · 08/04/2023 22:18

@DeltaAlphaDelta79 @ghostyslovesheets thankyou

@LittleMG thank you I like that way of looking at it

@Ozgirl75 that sounds really scary especially knowing you couldn’t do anything to avoid that one!

OP posts:
Ozgirl75 · 08/04/2023 22:37

Thanks @olivejury - yes, looking in my mirror and seeing a truck just filling it seconds before impact was quite unpleasant. Luckily I had no one in front of me so it basically just pushed me down the road. I even managed to take my foot off the brake so I would go forward and say to the kids “we’re about to be hit but we’ll be ok”

MintyCedric · 08/04/2023 22:45

If you can, give yourself a few days as you may find the shock doesn’t catch up with you immediately.

Then the only thing to do is crack on…maybe do a couple of short, familiar drives at quiet times if you can.

We had an accident last year…17yo DD learning to drive and her took her out for her third practice run with me having had a couple of months of lessons.

Complete fluke mechanical fault…the passenger side wheel axel snapped as DD took a left so she couldn’t straighten up. We hit a tree and the car flipped onto its side. Very scary and car written off but both unhurt thank God.

She was back at the wheel with her instructor 5 days later and subsequently passed her test first time with flying colours.

Magenta82 · 08/04/2023 22:48

You just do it.
Driving is a necessity not an option.
Try not to focus on the accident, get in the car and drive.
You've got this! You'll be fine! X

Exhibity · 08/04/2023 22:53

I was horribly injured in a crash , off work for a year and didn't drive during my recovery.
I was extremely nervous about getting behind the wheel again, but I just had a word with myself, got in the car and drove.
Im still not great on motorways as the crash happened on one but if I didn't go on them , I'd never get to see my elderly parents.
You can do Op , deep breath, no dithering.

Lelivre · 09/04/2023 07:42

Don't allow avoidance behaviour to creep in and keep on driving and ignoring the uncomfortableness of it until, eventually, it goes.

Milkhoney · 09/04/2023 08:11

I was in a huge accident a few years back. Only part of my car that wasn’t crushed was the drivers seat, I somehow walked out with minor injuries but the psychological damage was terrible and to this day I struggle with it. But that said, I was visited at home by a senior police officer the night of the accident as he couldn’t believe I was ok. He told me to get back behind the wheel the next day, just for a short easy drive and was very insistent about it so I did and thank god, because I don’t think I would have driven again otherwise. You just have to remain calm and remind yourself of all the times you drove when nothing at all happened

Notatmine · 09/04/2023 08:14

I totaled my car. I could not drive for months as it took ages to go through all the insurance to get a new car. But once I did I just had to get in and get on with it. The more you drive, the more comfortable you will start to feel with it.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 09/04/2023 08:17

My car was written off three years ago when someone ploughed into the side of me.

I had no choice but to drive the same route the next day as I'm self employed and can't do my job without a car.

I was shitting myself but it was absolutely fine and I've never had any other issues luckily. You just have to get on with it - I guess it's a bit like falling off a bike or a horse - the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get going again.

Good luck!

christmastreefarm · 09/04/2023 08:20

Years ago I had an accident on the motorway 150 miles from home. It was minor (car went into back of me in stop start traffic) but I was fast lane so motorway had to be stopped for me to get across to hard shoulder. Mine car was pretty much ok - one that went into me had the bumper falling off.

Police told me where I could pull over for a while at next junction to get my head together but I just had to drive back - I had
No other choice.

LisaD1 · 09/04/2023 10:33

I lost control of mine in a heavy down pour on a fast road after someone pulled out on me and my car aquaplaned, spun me across the dual carriageway so I was facing oncoming traffic. I was very very lucky that on that particular day the only oncoming vehicle was a police car. The officer was lovely and he advised me to get into the car again as soon as I’d stopped shaking! I drove again the same day and down that same road the following day. I think if I hadn’t I probably would have taken a very long time to get back behind the wheel.

Grumpybutfunny · 09/04/2023 10:57

I bought a bigger car as a daily driver so I know we will be safe in most accidents. It took me nearly a year to let DS back in the mini which is still a little tank.

I also drive more defensively so if I see someone who is hesitant or unsure I will put some distance between us and them.

Have you thought about advanced driving lessons and whether they might help?

zingally · 09/04/2023 11:28

How you're feeling is COMPLETELY normal. You've had a shock and need time to process. Take a few days to be really, really gentle with yourself, and I promise, the feelings you have now WILL pass, and you'll be a better driver for it.

I'd personally try and get back behind the wheel as soon as you can. Start with very local, familiar journeys (like to the supermarket or a friends house) and build back up from there.

StrawberrySquash · 09/04/2023 11:48

Totally normal. I had a non-serious crash and all I could see at night was it happening over and over again. The only thing to do is tell yourself that the best thing to do is get back on the horse and take yourself for a nice easy drive. Pick one on familiar roads where you drive slowly. That way you can tell yourself it'll be hard for anyone to be seriously hurt, even if something did happen. The mere act of nothing bad happening will train your brain into 'This is okay'.

AppleKatie · 09/04/2023 11:50

olivejury · 08/04/2023 20:35

Bump!

This is (unintentionally?) hilarious OP.

bit inappropriate jokes aside I think you just do it. Deep breathe and go. Making the odd inappropriate joke might also help!

Xrays · 09/04/2023 11:59

I think you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. It’s ok - and normal! - to feel anxious and over cautious. That’s not actually a bad thing either, too many drivers take too many chances. Just don’t stop driving because of it. The benefits of driving far outweigh the risks.

I had a nasty accident at a roundabout, someone went into the back of me- I was stationary, and then it pushed me onto the roundabout. I was nearly hit by an HGV. That was years ago and I still absolutely shudder whenever I get an HGV behind me, I worry they won’t stop and they’ll go into the back of me if I stop in traffic. Horrible. But I still drive. I just push through it.

Want2beme · 09/04/2023 12:01

Someone crashed into me within 3 weeks of me having my first car. The car came from, as they say, nowhere. I was very shaken, but no injuries occurred. I was really confused as I was so careful, being a new driver.

The other driver tried to blame me, but there were two witnesses in my favour, who said that it was his fault. The other driver had pulled out of a side road, as had I on the opposite side a bit further along to him, and he'd driven really fast towards me as if he'd wanted to cause a crash.

I wanted to be a driver and not go back to taking public transport, so I just continued to drive, mind over matter. I think in some ways it did me a favour, and made me realise that I should have eyes everywhere when driving and not assume I know what another driver's going to do.

EdwardTeachBornOnABeach · 09/04/2023 12:01

I was involved a serious accident and had life changing injuries. I was determined to drive again so when I was physically able to I booked a couple of sessions with a driving instructor so that if I had a panic attack the first time behind the wheel again I’d have someone able to control the car. I didn’t want to lose my freedom and I think driving is an essential life skill.

QuestionableMouse · 09/04/2023 12:01

I did a track day. Went with a friend and played in his rallycross car. And then drove home in my own car. Being able to drive without worrying about other drivers really helped, as did being in with a professional driver who taught me a lot about weight transfer and stuff.

Exhibity · 09/04/2023 12:03

EdwardTeachBornOnABeach · 09/04/2023 12:01

I was involved a serious accident and had life changing injuries. I was determined to drive again so when I was physically able to I booked a couple of sessions with a driving instructor so that if I had a panic attack the first time behind the wheel again I’d have someone able to control the car. I didn’t want to lose my freedom and I think driving is an essential life skill.

Same , I have ptsd as a result of my accident as well as life changing injuries, not driving again just wasn't an option because it's so limiting.