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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that's it, single life for me...

9 replies

UnicornBoom · 08/04/2023 19:53

I'm a lone parent to a 4yo. Work full time. My week days consist of dropping my son to nursery, working, picking him up at 6, then same again. Weekends are all filled with kids stuff. I have a lot of help from family and could have 1-2 nights off a week if I wanted but don't choose to at the moment. I've been dating on and off for 4 years and nobody had stuck. A couple lasted a few weeks/months but they both ended things (I suspect because I can't be spontaneous and have to plan ahead a lot). One had a child of his own but was Co parenting very well so had 50% of his time child free. Never introduced my son as it never lasted long enough. I'm friends with both of them now. Been on lots of dates but nothing ever sticks. I'm tired of it. I dream of meeting someone, having a normal relationship, etc etc but it feels out of reach. Starting to let go of the idea that I might have any more children. Feeling very undateable. AIBU to think I should stop trying or is it like this for everyone?

OP posts:
PopGoesTheProsecco · 08/04/2023 20:09

YABU.

i never thought I’d find someone. Husband left for the OW when kids were 14 wks, 2 and 6. Six mths later (after some cajoling from
friends) I went on Match and met the love of my life.

We’ve been together 10 years now and I couldn’t imagine life without him.

My only regret is that I didn’t meet him before my ex husband.

When we got together my ExH actually said to a mutual friend ‘who’d want her - she’s got three children’ 😂

PopGoesTheProsecco · 08/04/2023 20:10

Don’t give up.

Original poster
UnicornBoom · 08/04/2023 20:11

PopGoesTheProsecco · 08/04/2023 20:09

YABU.

i never thought I’d find someone. Husband left for the OW when kids were 14 wks, 2 and 6. Six mths later (after some cajoling from
friends) I went on Match and met the love of my life.

We’ve been together 10 years now and I couldn’t imagine life without him.

My only regret is that I didn’t meet him before my ex husband.

When we got together my ExH actually said to a mutual friend ‘who’d want her - she’s got three children’ 😂

I'm so happy things worked out for you. This gives me hope.

Yes, I googled 'dating as a lone parent' and ended up with dozens of articles relating to why not to date single parents 😒

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornBoom · 08/04/2023 20:29

PopGoesTheProsecco · 08/04/2023 20:09

YABU.

i never thought I’d find someone. Husband left for the OW when kids were 14 wks, 2 and 6. Six mths later (after some cajoling from
friends) I went on Match and met the love of my life.

We’ve been together 10 years now and I couldn’t imagine life without him.

My only regret is that I didn’t meet him before my ex husband.

When we got together my ExH actually said to a mutual friend ‘who’d want her - she’s got three children’ 😂

I just had a look at match and you have to pay £29 for one month just to be able to message someone 😳

OP posts:
Gemstonebeach · 08/04/2023 20:38

I think it is really difficult for men who don't have children to get that you can't just be free all the time. I co-parent well with my ex and do 50/50 but even that is hard as I only have certain evenings available. I get lonely too on the weekends I don't have my children and will make plans in to see friends if i haven't teed anything up, I find men on the apps often want to make very last minute arrangements.

But I know lots of people who have met their partners on apps so you just have to keep giving it a go!

NellyTimes · 08/04/2023 20:42

I split from my exH when the kids were 4 and 2 (he chose not to see them any more) I also thought I would probably be single forever and spent 5 years on my own then met the absolute love of my life who is now just the best dad to my two kids, they love him and he loves them. We met via social media, thanks to a shared interest, we've been together for 5 years now and moved in together last year. We are all very happy, so it can happen.

Original poster
UnicornBoom · 08/04/2023 20:43

Gemstonebeach · 08/04/2023 20:38

I think it is really difficult for men who don't have children to get that you can't just be free all the time. I co-parent well with my ex and do 50/50 but even that is hard as I only have certain evenings available. I get lonely too on the weekends I don't have my children and will make plans in to see friends if i haven't teed anything up, I find men on the apps often want to make very last minute arrangements.

But I know lots of people who have met their partners on apps so you just have to keep giving it a go!

Yeah, I agree. I'd love to meet someone in person but it's really difficult unless you have time to do lots of hobbies. I work in a team of women so no chance of meeting someone at work. It's very disheartening.

OP posts:
Gemstonebeach · 08/04/2023 20:48

I was just chatting to a friend about how nice it would be to meet someone in person (met ex at a house party many moons ago!) and she reckons that is harder now too with the advent of the apps as everyone is so used to using them and not just going up to someone in a bar etc. Are you friendly enough with your colleagues to be open about looking for someone? Maybe one of them could set you up on a date with a single friend? I've done blind dates a couple of times.

Original poster
UnicornBoom · 08/04/2023 20:50

Gemstonebeach · 08/04/2023 20:48

I was just chatting to a friend about how nice it would be to meet someone in person (met ex at a house party many moons ago!) and she reckons that is harder now too with the advent of the apps as everyone is so used to using them and not just going up to someone in a bar etc. Are you friendly enough with your colleagues to be open about looking for someone? Maybe one of them could set you up on a date with a single friend? I've done blind dates a couple of times.

Not with my colleagues as we all work from home in different part of the country, but I might ask my friends!

OP posts:
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