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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm gay?

17 replies

nyccurrent · 08/04/2023 19:01

All my life I have been with men and hurt by men. Don't get me wrong, I've had some good sex with men and they have always been the ones I've wanted and ended up in relationships with.

I've slept with women, never dated them though. I am incredibly sexually attracted to them though and have slept with a few.

The past few weeks I have been chatting to and dating women and I honestly feel this sense of 'belonging'. I can't explain it as I never felt like I wasn't meant to be with me when I was with them. But suddenly I feel like a weight has been lifted and that everything makes sense and feels natural.

AIBU to think that I'm a lesbian? Can you be a lesbian without really knowing it?

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 08/04/2023 19:15

I don’t know but what you have described regarding dating women definitely sounds like something worth pursuing. All the best. I hope you meet someone great.

KrisAkabusi · 08/04/2023 19:15

You're sexually attracted to women and have sex with them. But it's never occurred to you that you might be gay?!

Original poster
nyccurrent · 08/04/2023 19:16

KrisAkabusi · 08/04/2023 19:15

You're sexually attracted to women and have sex with them. But it's never occurred to you that you might be gay?!

Not really 😂 I'm also attracted to males and like the masculine energy of them protecting me. However, definetely sexually, I'm more into women.

OP posts:
KnitFastDieWarm · 08/04/2023 19:18

You’re bisexual, or maybe gay. But it doesn’t really matter - the point is you’ve found people you feel happy dating. Enjoy, don’t overthink it!

Radi06 · 08/04/2023 19:19

You can fancy both!

AuntMarch · 08/04/2023 19:21

You might be. As long as you are having fun, and being safe and legal, enjoy figuring it out! (If you feel you have to. It isn't necessary to label yourself at all if you aren't sure what fits!)

Slimjimtobe · 08/04/2023 19:22

I don’t know as I have never been attracted to women - but if you are sleeping with them and enjoying it then it sounds like you are gay. The fact you enjoyed men too makes sense too though. I supposed you don’t need to Label these things & be happy

RuthTopp · 08/04/2023 19:25

I'd say more lesbian than straight/ bi .
Ask yourself if you had male relationships to fit in with what used to be seen as the ' norm ' ?

Original poster
nyccurrent · 08/04/2023 19:26

RuthTopp · 08/04/2023 19:25

I'd say more lesbian than straight/ bi .
Ask yourself if you had male relationships to fit in with what used to be seen as the ' norm ' ?

Yes I think that's exactly what I did. I have never felt truly comfortable in a male - female relationship

OP posts:
chillih · 08/04/2023 19:43

Don't fixate on the label and just date who you like/go with what feels right to you Smile

JKTrolling · 08/04/2023 20:23

Why do you need to label it? It’s not a club.

IrregularChoiceFan · 08/04/2023 20:28

Just date who you want. There's no reason to get hung up on labelling it!

CurlewKate · 08/04/2023 20:59

Sounds as if you're bisexual. But do be careful of liking masculine energy and them "protecting you." That's a dangerous mindset. Learn to protect yourself.

WordsHaveMeanings · 08/04/2023 22:20

So you say you've enjoyed sex with men, you have always wanted them, that you are attracted to men and you enjoy the masculine energy they give off...then ask if you are lesbian. Simple answer: no, you are not. Everything you've said is the dictionary definition of a bisexual. I don't know why bisexuals try to complicate things so much. 🤷‍♀️

Fansandblankets · 09/04/2023 08:13

I think it’s pretty clear you are bI sexual. Lesbians aren’t attracted to men. Simple. I’m straight I’m not attracted to men. It’s not rocket science.

goodf · 17/04/2023 12:18

Hi OP, I am in a very similar situation to you at the moment with my sexuality trying to untangle a messy web of feelings.

PM me if you want to chat xx

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 17/04/2023 13:00

You sound gay! I know plenty of lesbians who liked the idea of men in a way, plus it's easier/safer to go through the world as straight, but ultimately they just preferred women.

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