Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset over DH blanking mum.

16 replies

Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:53

I have a bit of a traumatic past with my mum, but I try my best to keep life drama free because it’s easier for everyone.

She unfortunately does swear a lot and called DH a C$&t in January, to which he has not gone to any of the Sunday visits since.

We have a family holiday booked for May with 11 family members including our children.

She popped in unexpectedly this evening and said Hi to DH and tried to make small talk to which he blanked her, he swears he didn’t but even I didn’t hear him. Then took our children upstairs and didn’t return downstairs until she left.

I said there’s no way we can go on this trip like this, it will be hostile and unfair on our children. Small complex of 4 villas, our family has 3 of them with a shared pool. He said that he’ll act as he did tonight and he’s not making fake happy families with them and has proceeded to call me pathetic for asking him to keep the peace.

Easter weekend will be ruined as I doubt he’ll get over this before Monday.

AIBU

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 07/04/2023 20:54

Why do you prefer to keep the peace for dm's sake instead of keeping your dc away from a potty mouth woman who verbally abused their df?

takealettermsjones · 07/04/2023 20:55

"Unfortunately"?? No way would I be playing nice with someone who called me a cunt. There's someone hostile here but it's not your husband.

MrsBunnyEars · 07/04/2023 20:56

Why are you upset over your DH blanking your mum, not over your mum being unpleasant?

Original poster
Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:57

I am annoyed about her language but this had been dealt with and agreed with DH that we’d get the holiday out of the way and then reduce communication.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/04/2023 20:57

If DH's mum spoke to me like that he wouldn't speak to her. Same with me.

NoideawhyMNisntRegisteringmypreviousMNusrname · 07/04/2023 20:58

Another Chat bot post.
This is getting more tedious than the trolls

Xrays · 07/04/2023 20:58

What’s the background to her calling him that?

My mum was very toxic and I ended up siding with dh because he showed me how awful she really was. You need to support your dh if she really is bad.

Original poster
Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:58

How am I a chat bot?

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 07/04/2023 20:58

Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:57

I am annoyed about her language but this had been dealt with and agreed with DH that we’d get the holiday out of the way and then reduce communication.

So he's been told he has to play nice for a while before he's allowed to set boundaries? He was civil to her and then kept out of her way. I don't know what else you can expect from him tbh.

Turnipworkharder · 07/04/2023 20:59

You should be in your husbands side. She's lucky he allows her in the home.

The fact you let her treat you like dirt is your choice, he doesn't need to put up with her disgusting behaviour.

Thinking about this more , if my mil called me a cunt and my husband expected me to carry on as normal with her.....nope.... if he didn't support me we'd probably split up.

Hiddenvoice · 07/04/2023 20:59

Sorry but he isn’t being unreasonable. He was being as polite as she could to a person that was inexplicably rude to him. He has agreed to the holiday but doesn’t mean he needs to pretend to be nice to her. There will be more of your family there and your children will be there so hopefully he will be kept busy and won’t need to interact much with her.

oldestmumaintheworld · 07/04/2023 20:59

Why are you not supporting your husband against this awful language. No-one should be expected to tolerate being called names and definitely not being sworn at. Your mother should be apologising to your husband and you should be telling her to. Why aren't you?

Original poster
Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:59

Thank you for the replies. I am happy to accept I’ve taken the wrong stance on this and will apologize to DH.

OP posts:
Withnailandeye · 07/04/2023 20:59

You are facilitating her shit behaviour by making excuses for her. Your DH deserves you to fight his corner, she’s your mother after all. I wouldn’t speak to my MIL if she called me that.

HelloNetMums · 07/04/2023 21:05

Playing happy families only lasts so long. Set boundaries now.

The name-calling should have been addressed at the time, sometimes an apology is all it takes. (By your mum)

vipersnest1 · 07/04/2023 21:06

Catlover29 · 07/04/2023 20:59

Thank you for the replies. I am happy to accept I’ve taken the wrong stance on this and will apologize to DH.

And more importantly, your mother needs to apologise to your husband - before the holiday.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page