To think I'm not ready for dating?

[nyccurrent]

Even if I speak to someone for just a few days from an online dating platform, I start to analyse their texts. Get really paranoid that they aren't as enthusiastic than they were a few days ago. I check when they were last active etc. and I get really bummed out if I don't get a response from them.

For instance I've been chatting with this woman I met online (im also a woman) for a week now, and the chat has definitely slowed down. She doesn't seem as enthusiastic. I don't say anything or show how im feeling but it has really impacted my mood.

I think im probably not ready for dating but I don't know how to solve this as I can't afford therapy.

I think you need a lot of resilience and energy because this kind of thing is inevitable with online dating. Maybe wait until you're in a stronger headspace, focus on things you love to do and personal goals, and come back to it when it isn't going to have the power to impact upon you so much.

Thank you. That's the thing though, I thought I was in a strong headspace. I am the happiest I've ever been, I have a great job, great family, great friends, great life. I've never been stronger. However, I'm obviously mistaken as this is effecting me a lot.

Dating is basically a full time job! I find it very tiresome at times. I’ve not seriously dated for 2 years and honestly the break has been quite the relief.

If it’s affecting you take some time out for a while before you dive back in. And don’t get hung up (easier said than done I know) but just have to force yourself to not care so much.

I guess you can never know for sure until you actually try it.

I bet you wouldn't feel this way if you went to an old fashioned singles event where people just turn up in a bar, have drinks, mingle and see what happens. Even if you didn't meet anyone to date that night, I bet it wouldn't have this depressing effect.

Chatting tends to peter out or slow down if it’s not followed by a date. Go and meet these people and you take it from there.
I personally dislike chatting online for too long. It can be so misleading. People often look different in real life and you don’t see their facial expressions and gestures while they talk etc..

We have a date arranged for a week on Sunday, it was the only day I was available due to schedule but I understand what you're saying.

Treat Samaritans like telephone counselling. Ring each week at the same time. And make notes at the end of each call and carry on where you left off.

Samaritans listen, they don't give advice. And also that's for really depressed/suicidal people.

They need to bring back singles nights. Not speed dating. Just a bar hired for the evening, people get dressed up, go have some drinks and meet each other. Even if you don't get anyone's number, you've still had a night out.