To be pissed off?

Macaroni46 · 2023-04-07T14:36:32+00:00

DP said he'd be over around 4pm today (we don't live together) but have been partners for over 4 years. Last time I spoke to him he was still at his allotment and said he wasn't planning on setting off until at least 3.30. It's a good hour 40 mins to 2 hours journey. It's now 3.30 and he's messaged to say he's just got back from the allotment, needs a shower then will head over. I've told him not to bother. We were meant to be going to look for a TV when he got here but clearly that's not going to happen now. Earlier in the week I mentioned I'd been invited for lunch. I asked him what time he was coming today so I knew whether to accept or not. He said mid afternoon. So I declined. So basically I'm furious and fuming and kinda annoyed with myself for a) turning down the lunch invite and b) caring so much He has form for being late so I should've known!

NotTerfNorCis · 07/04/2023 15:37

YANBU

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:39

If you don't live together why are you looking for a TV together?

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:40

And you know now to accept the invitations and don't rely on your DP

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:40

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:39

If you don't live together why are you looking for a TV together?

Because he spends a lot of time here and was going to contribute towards the cost.
Not really the point of the thread!

OP posts:

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:42

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:40

Because he spends a lot of time here and was going to contribute towards the cost.
Not really the point of the thread!

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I was just wondering why you didn't just get on with it and buy your own TV. Don't rely on no man.

L3ThirtySeven · 07/04/2023 15:42

That’s really rude of him. He is usually so bad at managing time? Or did a herd of rabbits invade and decimate the allotment and he lost track of time chasing them off?

Inthebathagain · 07/04/2023 15:43

Some men are cunts.

I hear your frustration.

Is it time you stopped organising your social life around him letting you down?

I hope you get things sorted.

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:44

@thegrain
"I was just wondering why you didn't just get on with it and buy your own TV. Don't rely on no man."
Good point. Usually I don't rely on anyone and do everything myself. One of the reasons why I'm so cross with myself!

OP posts:

IglesiasPiggl · 07/04/2023 15:46

If someone says "mid afternoon" then I think it's fine to accept a lunch invite and agree to meet when that's over. You probably wouldn't be annoyed with him now had you gone for lunch. It's mostly a communication issue - did your partner know you had decided the lunch invite? To me this looks like you both had plans early afternoon so probably should have been a bit clearer about the time you'd both be available for the TV outing.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:46

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:44

@thegrain
"I was just wondering why you didn't just get on with it and buy your own TV. Don't rely on no man."
Good point. Usually I don't rely on anyone and do everything myself. One of the reasons why I'm so cross with myself!

Ah don't be cross at yourself. He shouldn't have strung you along with promises.

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:46

L3ThirtySeven · 07/04/2023 15:42

That’s really rude of him. He is usually so bad at managing time? Or did a herd of rabbits invade and decimate the allotment and he lost track of time chasing them off?

He has form for being bad at managing his time but has got better. I usually factor in a delay of half an hour but today is something else. Every now and again he has a major cock up like today, I get cross and things improve.

OP posts:

MrsRickAstley · 07/04/2023 15:47

Tbh allotment time in the sun sounds much better than tv shopping,

Granted he made plans so should have stuck to them but maybe time just ran away with him ?

Lesson learned; don't turn down plans on a mid afternoon date. You could have done both even if he'd turned up on time.

And....kindly.....buy your own tv. It's really not that hard.

SnarkyBag · 07/04/2023 15:47

Well he’s a selfish prick isn’t he? If you’re planning on staying together then you’ll know next time to accept a lunch invitation and have him fit around your day instead.

what did he say when you told him not to bother?

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:49

IglesiasPiggl · 07/04/2023 15:46

If someone says "mid afternoon" then I think it's fine to accept a lunch invite and agree to meet when that's over. You probably wouldn't be annoyed with him now had you gone for lunch. It's mostly a communication issue - did your partner know you had decided the lunch invite? To me this looks like you both had plans early afternoon so probably should have been a bit clearer about the time you'd both be available for the TV outing.

He did know I'd declined and when we spoke yesterday said he hoped to be here around 4pm. It was his suggestion to go TV shopping.
I'm more upset that I've wasted my day and hurt by his lateness.

OP posts:

L3ThirtySeven · 07/04/2023 15:50

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:46

He has form for being bad at managing his time but has got better. I usually factor in a delay of half an hour but today is something else. Every now and again he has a major cock up like today, I get cross and things improve.

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Perhaps he needs to start using alarms and timers on his phone to stay on track. It sounds like he can’t make good timekeeping stick so he’s going to need to develop some aids. It’s frustrating when you’ve waited all day for him and he pulls this. I empathise with you OP.

Oh, and it’s fine to buy a TV together. I personally just buy mine online.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:53

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 15:49

He did know I'd declined and when we spoke yesterday said he hoped to be here around 4pm. It was his suggestion to go TV shopping.
I'm more upset that I've wasted my day and hurt by his lateness.

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I hate that feeling. You know now he's a flakey arse so best not to make plans with him and see if he makes the effort.

billy1966 · 07/04/2023 15:54

OP,

Kindly meant but we teach people how to treat us, and you have taught him it's ok to be rude, disrespectful and very casual with your time.

You have allowed this to be this way.

You need to look at your self esteem and self respect because if you had either you most certainly would not be accepting such rudeness.

That you blew off the lunch for someone who does this regularly was really very silly of you.

Have a hard think.

billy1966 · 07/04/2023 15:56

What a pity you didn't encourage him to come to yours, and then you go out and mess with HIS time.

Clarinet1 · 07/04/2023 15:56

I feel for you OP. However on the subject of TV shopping, last time I bought one I went on line with Argos about midnight, paid a little extra for express delivery and it was on my doorstep at 7am!

Vegalam · 07/04/2023 15:56

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:39

If you don't live together why are you looking for a TV together?

These kind of replies are so annoying and are always at the top of threads.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:58

Vegalam · 07/04/2023 15:56

These kind of replies are so annoying and are always at the top of threads.

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I just wanted to know so I could understand why OP hadn't just gone out and bought a TV when he didn't show up. OP answered with he was going to help pay for it. That makes sense that he needs to be there then.

TheChosenTwo · 07/04/2023 15:59

Blimey I’d have accepted the lunch date and told him you’d be free from x o’clock if he wanted to come round. He has form for lateness and you still prioritised him!
On the other side of this though it’s a bank holiday and for the first time in absolutely ages it’s been a glorious day (here at least), I imagine he wanted to prioritise doing something outdoors in the good weather. Tv shopping for me would be an online activity completed in about 10 minutes at 10pm on my phone 😂

Original poster

Macaroni46 · 07/04/2023 16:06

billy1966 · 07/04/2023 15:56

What a pity you didn't encourage him to come to yours, and then you go out and mess with HIS time.

He is coming to mine. And I've gone out now.
Wish I hadn't mentioned the TV. That's not what I'm annoyed about.
Another interesting point is that when in the past I have accepted invitations and gone out, he's turned up on time or early! Seems he likes me to be waiting for him ...

OP posts:

pinkpotatoez · 07/04/2023 16:11

TheChosenTwo · 07/04/2023 15:59

Blimey I’d have accepted the lunch date and told him you’d be free from x o’clock if he wanted to come round. He has form for lateness and you still prioritised him!
On the other side of this though it’s a bank holiday and for the first time in absolutely ages it’s been a glorious day (here at least), I imagine he wanted to prioritise doing something outdoors in the good weather. Tv shopping for me would be an online activity completed in about 10 minutes at 10pm on my phone 😂

Me too, in fact shopping for anything is a 10 minute task done in bed on my phone lol. I sympathise with you though OP, nothing worse than people who think their time trumps anyone else's. He knew you were sat around waiting and is still taking the piss. When you next arrange something just say be here for X, if your not I won't be in and stick to it. He hopefully will get the message

CleaningOutMyCloset · 07/04/2023 16:17

TheChosenTwo · 07/04/2023 15:59

Blimey I’d have accepted the lunch date and told him you’d be free from x o’clock if he wanted to come round. He has form for lateness and you still prioritised him!
On the other side of this though it’s a bank holiday and for the first time in absolutely ages it’s been a glorious day (here at least), I imagine he wanted to prioritise doing something outdoors in the good weather. Tv shopping for me would be an online activity completed in about 10 minutes at 10pm on my phone 😂

I'm sure he did prefer to stop outside than go tv shopping (I know I would), but it's incredibly selfish and rude of him for deciding this, and not having the good grace to tell the op. If he'd told her she could have gone out with her friend. But this way he's enjoyed his allotment in the sunshine whilst the op has wasted an afternoon waiting in for him. All the while it looks like he had no intention of being on time.

Well done op for telling him not to bother, I'd also be fuming with him.