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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If it's my idea.. he won't help

15 replies

Rolypolyup · 07/04/2023 14:11

Not really sure if it's an AIBU but I just needed to have a little rant 🙄
If it's his idea.. anything.. ideas for dinner, holidays, decorating, film.. It's ok as I'm pretty easy going and he knows me so generally I'm fine with his suggestions so I will go along with it. If it's my idea.. ANYTHING there's a problem. I'm doing bits in the garden today and I had an idea for doing a little workout corner thing for an area we don't use for anything and I asked him about something to do with it and his reply was "you're not going to use it anyway so it's a waste of time" Its really pissed me off! I have all intentions of using it and the plan was to see how I get on to possibly give up my gym membership to save money. Same with dinner ideas, holiday suggestions, stuff on tv. If his mate from work suggests it he's all over it 🙄

OP posts:
BabyofMine · 07/04/2023 14:17

He has no respect for you or for your opinions. You mean less to him that his mate from work.

Why are you wasting your time with someone like this? I bet you’re worth ten of him.

BabyofMine · 07/04/2023 14:18

And for what it’s worth I think the workout corner sounds like a great idea especially now we’re going into Spring/Summer, perfect time for it.

Limetart · 07/04/2023 14:20

In future don't suggest an idea.
Tell him you're doing x,y,z.
Start measuring, get some tools out and he'll either take over or you csn do it how you like.
If my dh pours water on my suggestions I tell him that I own half the house and I'm doing it anyway.

Original poster
Rolypolyup · 07/04/2023 14:42

BabyofMine · 07/04/2023 14:17

He has no respect for you or for your opinions. You mean less to him that his mate from work.

Why are you wasting your time with someone like this? I bet you’re worth ten of him.

Pretty much. Sad isn't it 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Rolypolyup · 07/04/2023 14:42

Limetart · 07/04/2023 14:20

In future don't suggest an idea.
Tell him you're doing x,y,z.
Start measuring, get some tools out and he'll either take over or you csn do it how you like.
If my dh pours water on my suggestions I tell him that I own half the house and I'm doing it anyway.

Yes, I've been doing it myself anyway and just asked his opinion on something. It's just frustrating

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 07/04/2023 14:47

What does he say when you point out to him what he is doing? How does he explain his behaviour?

Original poster
Rolypolyup · 07/04/2023 14:53

Atethehalloweenchocs · 07/04/2023 14:47

What does he say when you point out to him what he is doing? How does he explain his behaviour?

Well this particular occasion he's said "I'm only annoyed because what he's saying is true" that's generally how it goes.

OP posts:
Grumpi · 07/04/2023 15:13

BabyofMine · 07/04/2023 14:17

He has no respect for you or for your opinions. You mean less to him that his mate from work.

Why are you wasting your time with someone like this? I bet you’re worth ten of him.

Nailed it.

A personality quirk where he thinks everyone else is daft and his ideas are superior would be very annoying, but this isn’t a “know it all” quirk, this is a total lack of respect for you. He basically thinks you’re an idiot, and honestly if you persist in a relationship with someone of this calibre you might just be!

Bin him, build your exercise corner and find someone who will back you, champion you and think you’re the best thing since sliced bread OP

doorwo · 07/04/2023 15:36

I was married to this man and now I'm not. The poster who said his mate's opinion is worth more to him than yours is spot on.

My example, possibly the one that broke the camel's back...

Me: I think we should get xyz kind of flooring, would look nice.

Him: no. It would (listed all manner of potential issues).

  • floor remained unchanged for a few weeks, then a month or so down the line he goes "Barry and Sue at number 6 have got xyz flooring and it looks great, we should get it etc etc". No mention of my initial suggestion or acknowledgment than when I said it, it was a shit idea but BAZ AND SUSY get it and it's fucking banging flooring. Dickhead. We divorced.
billy1966 · 07/04/2023 15:59

What a sad way to spend your life.

Living with a twat.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2023 16:02

Keep your gym membership - it'll keep you out and away from him for longer.

ThisWormHasTurned · 07/04/2023 16:09

I had one like this. Realising he had no respect for me (actions spoke louder than words) we split in the end. Divorced him, now so much happier. It’s draining spending your time with someone like this. You start to question your own value.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/04/2023 16:30

Rolypolyup · 07/04/2023 14:53

Well this particular occasion he's said "I'm only annoyed because what he's saying is true" that's generally how it goes.

Show quote history

"No, I'm only annoyed because you cannot hear idea from me without dismissing it & undermining me. You're even about to dismiss what I've just said now, aren't you? Go away & have a think about why you do it, because it's making you unattractive to me."

FootDown2022 · 07/04/2023 16:44

I separated from my husband last year, mainly due to his drinking, but he was exactly like that about jobs around the house and garden too.
I hired a painter to paint the kitchen shortly before we split and he said they did a terrible job. If he had hired the painter it would have been totally different.
I always wanted to go to Edinburgh but he wouldn't consider it because it wasn't his idea, even though he goes to a lot of rugby internationals and I was happy to plan around a rugby match.
He wouldn't help with pruning trees or cleaning gutters, even though he was the best part of a foot taller than me. He said it was because he didn't like to be nagged.

On the positive side I was used to living my own life and doing everything myself so the split has been a lot harder on him than me.

Pixiedust1234 · 07/04/2023 16:55

Its funny how many relationships are great and a man is decent until the woman says no or asks for help. I totally sympathise as I have one of these, except he never suggests. He won't change but your resentment will grow.

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