Haven't met his children yet

[mysticmegan]

Name change for this.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and I still haven't met his children. They live several hours away and they stay with him during school holidays so it's not often an issue. He has met mine - they are teenagers and the relationship would be impossible if he hadn't met them because they're with me all the time. His children are younger. We have spoken about it and he explained that his reluctance is due to the fact that he introduced his children too soon in his last relationship and she ended it soon after. I know he loves me and otherwise things are great. However, it means that when they do stay, I barely get to see him unless he leaves them with his sister for an hour or two which is usually fine as it's usually only a week or so that they stay for but I did find Christmas difficult and I'm now beginning to dread the summer holidays. I completely accept that when they stay he wants to spend as much time with them as possible and prioritize them but I feel it would be nice to start doing a couple of things together or to call over if I wanted especially at times like Christmas. I feel I should talk to him about how I feel to ask if he has a timeframe in mind but I don't want him to feel I'm putting pressure on. Or do I just grow up and suck it up and accept that it's only an occasional frustration and let him make a decision in his own time?

I don't think you need to feel ashamed and lesser, or even tell other people you've never met them. Just say something like "They seem lovely children, we're taking it really slowly because we want them to feel really secure, so I don't spend much time with them at the mo".

Why not just leave it as it is. Unless you move in together do you need to meet his children. He doesn't seem keen for it to happen.

I disagree. It's been w years and introducing them over a coffee for an hour is not disproportionate.

My experience - I’ve been with BF for 18 months. My first meet up was in February. I’ve had 3 short meet ups this week. They came to my house yesterday to pick something up and played with my dog.
We agreed to take it slow, yes it can be lonely when he has the kids for the weekend but they should be priority. Even if we ever lived together I would insist that he spent time alone with them - whether it was me going out or him taking them out to do something together.
He started talking after Christmas about meeting them, the first meet was not planned at all, we both knew we were going to the same event but made no arrangements.
Last weekend he surprised me, he knew I was going out for the day to an event and he sent me a message to say he was on his way and would meet me there.
They have been upset with their mother moving men in and then they are gone after 3-4 months. He doesn’t want to do the same.

Does he really only have his kids during school holidays? That’s appalling. Did the mother move away? If so, did he not go to court to prevent his kids being taken away?

It’s just right that during the few weeks in the year when he actually sees his kids that they should be his sole focus. There’d be zero benefit to them to meet their father’s girlfriend. You missing him shouldn’t be a major issue, since he barely ever has his kids. And if you’re embarrassed when people ask about you having not met them, they’ll understand when you say you’re just dating, and he barely sees his kids.

Tbh if he only sees them a few times a year, it makes sense. imagine seeing your dad a few times a year and you had to constantly share it with his girlfriend?

if you're not planning on blending homes or families, it seems irrelevant. Let the man have quality time with his kids without you.

and if it embarrassing because of other peoples opinions 1. stop telling them and 2. asses if you actually care or just care what other people think

He sees them more often than just school holidays - he takes them away for weekends and he's in daily contact by Video and messages but that's the only time they can come stay due to distance.

This is what I was thinking but no one else seemed to be saying? His relationship with the op has absolutely nothing to do with his children. Why do they even have to meet? He has plenty of time with the op. Plenty of time with his children. The op forcing him to introduce them is not going to improve their relationship in any way. The only thing affecting it is her not being able to see him during Xmas contact times etc where he is putting his children first. Like he should do. More people should be like him.

I'd hate for him to feel pressured or forced on my say so. That's exactly what I want to avoid. This has to be his decision when he feels the time is right. I was just wondering whether to bring up with him if he'd given any thought to timeframe.

There’s no need though, so timeframe doesn’t matter. Let them spend the pitifully tiny amount of contact time with their father be uninterrupted by you. Your reasons are: missing him, and embarrassment. Neither of which prioritise your boyfriends kids.

I’m female 🤔

Ah, I see. When you said, 'I was your boyfriend in this situation' I assumed you are a man. But I see what you meant now

He doesn’t have his children very often so when he does they are his priority. I get that you miss him, I’m sure he misses you too. I think he’s doing the right thing. Even if you did meet him he’s likely to want to focus on them during their stay so you wouldn’t see him regardless.