If you are staying together for the kid, how do you manage it?

[Shechq]

DH and I no longer get along but have one child together. Live in SE so life very expensive and jobs plus other relatives all here. So currently staying together for our child and due to finances. Haven't shared a bed in five years, havent been out just two of us since 2019, can't make joint or shared decisions, have different values and generally just get along anymore, plus lots of fights which isn't good. Currently on our Easter break and its just terrible. Usually we don't do many things together back home so a week just the three of us is frankly awful. So really shouldn't do shared holidays either.

To those who manage to stay together because of the kids, how do you do it. Do you split weekends and take turn, same with holidays? How do you make shared decisions esp. those involving your child like which school they go to, where do you live. Any tips?

I think if rents and houses were more affordable there would be many more divorces and separations, people are sometimes stuck with no way out.

This sounds like such a miserable life for you, your DH and your kids. Why would you want to live with no sex, no love and not even close companionship? Don't do it to your kids. Just get a divorce and you can all move onwards.

Maybe you could rent a tiny little cupboard like crash pad nearby and take turns living there, week about? Your child gets to stay at home and you don't have to live together. It would be cheaper than setting up two new homes?

If it’s working financially, why don’t you try counselling together. You could establish ground rules to refer to on things you fight about and try to make the best of it. Give yourselves six months to make the situation work, if home life doesn’t improve then agree to split.

This. I think the situation you're describing only works if the couple involved have fallen out of love but still have mild affection, or at least respect, for each other and like each other enough to operate fairly amicably on a day-to-day basis.

So are you both pretending to be in a relationship? If its just for money, can you agree that you're separated but staying together for the kids? So actually agree to be flatmates for x years? That might actually be easier than this odd set up you have now. I know a few people who have done this and it's worked for them (kids also know they have seperated). But do agree with PP probably healthier for everyone to just split.

You are staying together for financial reasons not kids. These are two different things. It sounds awful for you all. I like the idea of renting a "crash pad" nearby and swapping over.

I think it's true, DH's motivation seems to be DC while for me it's financial.