To think this is pretty normal weeks activity for a teen?

[Homelyhome183]

DS is 14 (year 9). He has a nice group of friends but we live in a small town and they're all scattered around the surrounding countryside so they can't just knock for eachother.

This week DS has spent a morning volunteering, done some revision, been to the gym, walked the dog with me and watched a film. The majority of the rest of the time he's been on his VR with his mates.

Next week he has a hike planned with friends, a bike ride and we're going away for a couple of days.

DH has mentioned to me a few times that when he was that age he was out with his mates all day, everyday. Just hanging around the park, the shops, eachothers houses etc.

I used to do the same and I do see teens hanging out but it certainly isn't what DS and his friends do.

What are your teens up to. Does this sound OK? A good balance? I would like him to be out more but I don't want to nag him and create an issue if there isn't one.

YABU kids should be out more
YANBU sounds standard

Also got some guilt going on that we can't afford to go away for more than 2 days.

are the volunteering and hike for Dof E

It sounds like a GREAT balance to me and I’d be delighted if my teen was doing half of this 🙄.

Haha I didn’t see your comment-mine is pretty identical 😄.

No, he volunteers with his dad and he just enjoys hiking. He is doing DofE though.

Hanging out in public spaces is generally frowned upon,

We saw 3 lads hanging out yesterday. They rambled down the street in opposite direction as we walked to supermarket. Then we saw them disappearing into the (abandoned, collapsing) old buildings where local youth go to do drugs. We saw them 45 minutes later, walking back up the road, as we also walked back from shops, seeming rather merrier than they went in.

So ... maybe hanging out isn't all it's cracked up to be.

OP, that sounds exactly like my teens’ week.

We also have to remember that during term time, at least for my teens, they have constant interaction from 8am when they catch the school bus to 4pm when they get off the school bus. Then again, mine do activities/sport after school for 1-3 hours with friends.

I look at school holidays as a time to sleep, revise, and generally unwind. Plus time to spend with family. My teens both play Minecraft with their younger brother, we go out to dinner, walk the dog, go to the cinema, and do our own things in the house. I think family time is more important during school holidays since they see their friends constantly in term time.

Also, the teens I see just hanging around in town without an actual activity mostly end up getting into trouble. The community centre in our town has been vandalised more than once by high school kids drinking vodka and climbing into the roof, hurling things at people who tell them off. In the daytime, not night. They’re so young that the police are struggling to deal with it.

The truth is years ago there were still teens that didn't go out all day. I was in reading most of the time and maybe saw friends once a week. I knew others like this too. Even now I don't like seeing people that often and socialise online

I think people worry so much.

Mine are nearly 14 and nearly 12. We have a late brek together. We go for a local walk together for an hour. We have lunch together. In the evenings we watch tv together.

Rest of the time they are doing their thing.

14 year old may be gaming online or she may be drawing or strumming her guitar. Sometimes meets up with a friend.

12 year old will be gaming, arranging to meet friend at school field to play football and has been on three outings with friends organised by their folks (we are very lucky indeed!)

We usually ask them to help out with a chore or two each day eg bring in logs, chop kindling, do dishwasher.

But they're only off for two weeks I think it's nice for them to have a break and free time.

Plus I need a break too - I'm exhausted! No way am I ruining everyone's break by insisting and forcing the kids in activities they don't want or need to do and ruining my own free time by getting in a stress about it.

The kids are healthy, they have nice friends, they like spending (some) time with us and they're doing well at school. Not much is awry.

Also it’s bloody freezing not possible to be outside all day

I was going to post something similar so this is reassuring! My DS is online a lot with friends but has also gone to the cinema and to another house twice this week. Three day trips planned next week, one with club two with family and other days mostly online. I was nagging him to meet up more but I don’t want to make him feel bad as he invited others but they don’t come, prefer to stay online. They are the Covid generation too… he got way more online access than I wanted age 9/10 because of it. But it sounds like they are doing ok. He’s definitely talking to friends, just on the phone.

I wish my kids would float about doing different things. If I don’t get them out to do something with me, they sit in bed on their phone or in living room on gaming device all day and all evening.

I’ve tried leaving them to their own devices and unfortunately that’s what happens with mine. So for my sanity I have to get them out.

(Leaving then to their own devices as in the phrase, not literally!)

*them

Times have changed so where we would stay out for hours and only return home for meals.. I'm sure if we had the technology the kids have today we would have stayed home more

We are travelling and I’ve just sat outside for 30 mins in northern France and am now unpleasantly cold. No sane person would sit in a park for 8 hours in April!

Sounds perfectly balanced to me - my teens are often online with friends, either gaming or video chats, as they live too far away to walk or bike round. We don't live in the most accessible spot, so it takes more effort and parental involvement to meet up in person in the school holidays.

My friends lived close by growing up, and we played out a lot, because there wasn't anything else to do - not even more than a couple of TV programmes aimed at kids. Now they have so many ways to interact socially - it isn't necessarily better or worse than our experiences, just different.

When I was “out all day” as a teen our activities included

• jumping off the roof of a nearby barn
• getting older siblings to buy us lambrini then chugging it through straws while spinning round in circles (makes you drunker we thought!)
• playing truth or dare
• making prank calls
• sliding down the old quarry
• getting the bus into town so we could hang around the square looking moody and/or shoplift eyeliner from Boots
• trying to sneak into the cinema without paying

So I’m not convinced the “old days” were any more wholesome by virtue of being outside!

Ha yes, in the good old days my parents let me go off in a cycling and hostelling holiday with my BF.

All very wholesome....

We ditched the bikes asap, spent most of the time hitchhiking, and lived on a diet of lambrusco bianco, Fry's Chocolate Creams, roll up fags and every Jackie Collins novel we could get hold of.

DH should be pleased your DS has a variety, and also that DS takes the dog for a walk.

Op, this is exactly what I was posting about at the start of the week. I have two year 9 boys. It does seem a bit of a no man's land as a parent and I think that's the hardest part!

Sounds fine and quite balanced.
Ds13 (also year 9) has been into the nearest city on the train with his mates, been to the gym a couple of times with a friend, is out today with friends and otherwise has been hanging out at home, gaming, watching TV etc.
I'm impressed that yours has done some revision op...need to broach that with ds next week!

Nothing good happens to kids just hanging about in the street. Times have changed. Structured activities or hanging out at a friend’s house are better options. Sounds good to me!

Sorry but teens used to "hang out" when I was a teen and....honestly, why? I did it a grand total of twice and never in my life have I been so bored. I don't understand the appeal of wandering around aimlessly or getting drunk in a field. I much preferred to either stay at home (pre social media days so this involved zero socialising) or going on an organised activity e.g. Rock climbing/ swimming. And I've grown up fine - friends, a husband, children...I really don't think this is anything to be concerned about.

Just a heads up if you can't afford to go away, try camping. :)
Go hike up some mountains.

My friends at uni would sit in a room together but do the actual talking and socialising through their laptops.
Its just a different world now.