Depression or personality change

[Lostwifehelp]

Hi,

My DH has been diagnosed with moderate depression and severe anxiety by his GP. He won’t get help because he keeps saying he knows in his head it’s not depression and it’s actually a change in personality. He says that he now sees things and people for who they really are. He has been slowly pushing everyone in his life away and the other day he started talking about various anxieties about the direction the world is heading in. The anxiety and depression started shortly after he decided to shift from being a people pleaser to being more authentic which I saw as a brilliant change at the time, but now I’m not so sure!

Now I know depression can cause personality changes and also know that sometimes depressed people can become totally hopeless so maybe that’s part off why he won’t seek help. He’s scared off being hooked on medication for life/side effects and has decided therapy is not for him because when he briefly did it, the therapist told him his mother is a narcissist which he refuses to accept. At this point everyone is tired of asking him to get help as he just digs his heels in further. I’m inclined to stop as well and I’m now looking at ways to be more supportive as I do sometimes wonder if denying his reality is unhelpful.

We are looking to separate and the only glimmer of hope I have is that he agreed that once he’s moved out he will think seriously about having couples therapy for some of our issues.

One of my worries around separation is that he has severe physical symptoms related to anxiety and I don’t feel comfortable with him being on his own.

I would love to hear from anyone who has any experience of personality changes vs depression, dealing with denial, supporting a depressed partner etc etc

My DH has depression that is treated with sertraline. Yes, his personality has changed, but his is slightly different because it was after a stroke. He is also absorbed by podcasts and discussions around atheism, all very serious and intense . He used to have a very good sense of humour . He still shows glimmers of humour but not as much . I think the depression makes them self-absorbed and boring really . Other people lose interest in them so they become even more insular . At least he does get treatment he's had CBT and a very good telephone counsellor, which really helped . But if you're quite young, I'd say you have to act in self-preservation mode. Essentially if childcare involved.

@Soozikinzii I can relate to the thing about humour. I went through depression about 15 years ago and I feel like I lost my sense of humour at that point but there are occasional glimmers off it. So I do understand that in the long run depression can cause changes, but to push away everyone in your life away (parents, siblings, spouse, friends) is quite an extreme personality change. I’m still inclined to think it’s depression.
There are two young children involved so a lot to think about.

Its very common for a child of a narcissist to suffer anxiety and depression in adulthood, so its a pity he won't engage with meds or therapy. Its really not something you can easily fix yourself, if that were possible we wouldn't need the meds and therapy. This will sound harsh but you just can't do the work for him. You have to look after yourself and your children. Who supports you?

@Thelnebriati I agree that I need to look after myself and the children. It’s probably pathetic but the idea of separating is just so depressing for me. I would rather have him around like this then not have him, but he is the one who wants to separate.