Christening

[Hurtandmiffed]

I was hoping to get some advice.

My best friend recently let slip in conversation that someone else is her dd's godmother and that she thought I would really get on with her and she would like us to meet. Firstly I didn't even know there had been a christening and secondly I am godparent to her other child. I was left completely stunned and just passed the comment off. I am not so hurt about not being godparent as I am godparent of her other child and understand she could want a different choice and not the same people but what really stings is that I wasn't there to celebrate this special moment and be there in that way. I feel I want to walk away from this friendship now but AIBU?

I can understand the hurt at not being there but I think most people would choose different godparents for each child. I was godmother to my best friend's child but never expected to be asked the second time.

Some people do an in-service Christening where they have it done in a regular church service and just bring grandparents, siblings (or not) and Godparents. You might not have been left out of a big event.

Did you ask anything about the Christening?

Also another thing to consider is I’ve known people refer to people as Godparent, when what they actually mean is they are chosen to be the child’s future godparent and they haven’t had the Christening yet.
I would make sure your facts are 100% correct before choosing to do anything about it

I agree with this, especially for the second child, it's often more low key.

If you're a Godparent, in theory you're close - be interested as a friend, just say 'oh I didn't realise you had xx christened, how was it? Tell me about the day?'.

I don't know anybody who has chosen the same people to be godparents to all their children. Doesn't it make more sense to ask different people? And I probably wouldn't invite friends other than the godparents and their partners to the christening either.

I was just stunned. I wasn't really sure what to say other than yeh it would be nice to meet her. Then the conversation moved on. The first one was low key and then a small party afterwards so I imagine this was the same. Should I send a card and gift? I would want both children to have the same and completely understand about not being asked. I wouldn't expect to be and was super privileged to be asked the first time. Its just a massive contrast. I wouldn't have treated her this way.

We did thanksgiving services for our dc but dc1's was a lot bigger than the younger ones and there were a lot of people who came to dc1's service and not the others. Mind you that was mainly because I had quite bad pnd the first time and let mil take over and organise everything. Big mistake. With the others it was much smaller and with youngest it was just the people who would have been at church anyway and I think 3 or 4 other relatives.

I completely agree about asking different people. It's just such a contrast but maybe it sounds like that's just how it's done.

No, you give gifts to your godchild not all the others.

Are you religious, if not then what is the big deal, baptism is a short service, often within the main communion service to make promises to god, not a big party

Thank you for all the thoughts on this. I think perhaps it sounds like it's just how it works and not to be offended.

I think it's a bit weird that you're her best friend and you knew nothing about the christening. I would have thought I would have invited to something like that if we were close, even if I wasn't going to be godmother again, but people don't always think like that.

Maybe if the first one was small, she only invited the people she 'needed' to be there?

Try not to get too upset about it. She obviously didn't think it was a big deal because she was the one to bring up the whole meeting the other person thing.

Don’t be offended and don’t treat all the children the same. That’s the whole point of God parents, that children have specific to them adults unlike gps, aunts etc.

It sounds weird to not have told you! Best friends would surely tell best friends when their child was being christened! Seems odd.

I don't know anyone who's picked the same godparents for their kids. Partly as it seems a bit of an unfair burden on the godparent.

One of my closest friends is godparent to my child but I'm not to hers which is not a problem. I enjoy spending time with her kids and that's the main thing.

I also didn't invite the first godparents to my second christening as I wouldn't want them to have to attend twice.

A. It’s normal to have different godparents.

B. Has the christening actually happened? You can’t assume you weren’t invited to an event that you don’t know has taken place.

C. Why aren’t you comfortable enough in your friendship to say “oh I hadn’t realised DD had been christened already”. Seems like a lot of emotions over nothing tbh.

@dew141 did you tell them you were having the christening?

I don't think I did as it wasn't relevant to them.

I agree

My children's Christenings were just very close family, plus god parents family. I am god mother to my friends second, wasn't invited to firsts christening, didn't think anything of it.
When my second was Christened we had 2 christenings in the same service, separate to the normal church service, the other party was like a wedding with the number of people invited - must have had about 100 guests.
Different people do it differently, don't take offence, if you want to send a gift do so.

I can't imagine thinking enough of someone to make them a godparent to my first child, but then not even mentioning the baptism of the second child to them. YANBU, OP, it's really odd and I think I would be hurt too.