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Original poster

Dreaming of ex boyfriend 20 years later

17 replies

2bowlio · 06/04/2023 10:12

I had a boyfriend I loved very much at, and after, university.

We got pregnant by accident. He was going to ask me to marry him. I was hormonal and we had a row. It was such a hard time. I felt too young to have a family. We decided to split. I had a termination but bottled up the emotions.

We both had a short relationships afterwards. I got dumped by mine (he slept with his ex!) and my ex promptly dumped his. Turns out she had also got pregnant but he didnt tell me as he thought it would cheapen what we had gone through. She had a termination. We stayed best friends, would sleep in a bed together but thought we would mess things around if we did anything. I started a new job, fell for a guy I met though work but that never led anywhere. But I was not emotionally available.

I moved on from the work guy and ex and I were still super close. I was just beginning to think how he is my soulmate and maybe we should get back together but I hadn't given any indication of this. Then he met someone and started going out with her. She got pregnant and he stayed with her- I think he couldn't bear to put someone else through what myself and the other girl had gone through.

OP posts:
Original poster
2bowlio · 06/04/2023 10:14

Oops pressed post too soon.

Anyway 2" years later I have no idea if he is still with her but I know they had more kids and a tempestuous relationship.

I got married and had 2 dc with dh but he is not my best friend or soulmate. I settled.

My best dreams at night are with ex boyfriend in them. Does anyone else experience this? Is it wrong to feel like this so long afterwards?

OP posts:
Original poster
2bowlio · 06/04/2023 10:15

That's 20 years later

OP posts:
mac1974 · 06/04/2023 10:20

I have dreams about an ex....wouldn't say boyfriend but he often pops up in my dreams. I think it's because there was a lot of unfinished business to be honest. I bet he doesn't give it a second thought in his dream!

SwedishEdith · 06/04/2023 10:21

I don't know whether it's wrong but maybe change the way you think about him. He got three girlfriends pregnant very soon into the relationship. So I'd see him as someone immature, irresponsible and unreliable.

herlightmaterials · 06/04/2023 10:24

He doesn't sound all that great to be honest. Perhaps the problem is more that you settled.

funinthesun19 · 06/04/2023 10:25

SwedishEdith · 06/04/2023 10:21

I don't know whether it's wrong but maybe change the way you think about him. He got three girlfriends pregnant very soon into the relationship. So I'd see him as someone immature, irresponsible and unreliable.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

YouWithoutEnd · 06/04/2023 10:26

I’m not sure I could muster such sadness about a man who apparently indiscriminately ejaculates into anyone and everyone despite multiple women having to go through the trauma of a termination.

dottycat123 · 06/04/2023 10:30

I still dream about my first love aged 16 40 years later. I find it very unsettling and feel sadness when I wake up.

frustratednomad · 06/04/2023 10:36

Yes OP, I still dream about one of my exes 20 years later, probably once a week. We had a very on/off relationship and never lived together but I still feel he was the love of my life. I have no idea if he has since married or even still alive. I settled too.

Merryoldgoat · 06/04/2023 10:38

He’s not very bright is he?

Lady1576 · 06/04/2023 10:41

YouWithoutEnd · 06/04/2023 10:26

I’m not sure I could muster such sadness about a man who apparently indiscriminately ejaculates into anyone and everyone despite multiple women having to go through the trauma of a termination.

Yep… This!

Original poster
2bowlio · 06/04/2023 10:44

Fair enough - he does sound awful in writing!
He and I were together for three years.

I think you're probably right and it's more about the fact I settled

OP posts:
Original poster
2bowlio · 06/04/2023 10:46

But I do remember him as being immature,irresponsible and unreliable. I think that's one of the reasons I split from him.

OP posts:
DamnThatHitsHome · 06/04/2023 10:50

He sounds pretty gross.

You’re dreaming about a false idea of him, not the reality. The person you’re thinking of 20 years later doesn’t actually exist- you’ve made him up. He’s a very different person to the one in your dreams.

Focus on your actual relationship and what you can do to fix it or move on 😊

OhmygodDont · 06/04/2023 10:53

Isn’t there a thing that we dream about people we know because our minds can’t make new faces. So every face in our dreams is a face we have genuinely seen even if only an encounter at a bus stop kind of thing.

You’re using his face for your dream man because you feel unhappy unhappy in your marriage. It isn’t about your ex.

Myogapants · 06/04/2023 10:55

I dreamt about an ex last night actually. I've been feeling weird about it all day :(

beguilingeyes · 06/04/2023 11:11

I have one of those. There's a Beverly Craven song called Love Scenes that has the line.

"I'd give anything, to turn back time, or get over you" that always hits hard.

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