To have one night

[Gigi678]

Please don't say why, your marriage is dead... etc.. I have explored this in therapy and if I really thought we had no future I would honestly end things.

My husband had an affair three years ago. No children, and I left him for a while. We talked through things and to be honest I absolutely can see how I alienated him at the time without excusing his betrayal. We have worked hard to rebuild our foundations and are in a good place.

There is just one thing that bothers me, and that is the fact that he got to have that elusive what if kiss with someone else. That still makes me a little angry and dare I say jealous.

I don't want to have an affair, I don't want to leave my husband. But in all honesty I want a kiss with another man that I find extremely attractive or sexy or tempting.

I don't think my conscience could hold up but god I wish it could as I think it would be the final step in our recovery somehow.

I don't know what I am asking here, it's certainly not condoning this. I guess it just feels good to write that down.

Mumsnet won’t like this idea….😬

Well perhaps if you give yourself permission you'll feel better and perhaps never actuall act upon it.
Besides kissing and sleeping with someone are quite different.

Go snog the colleague you're lusting over. Sounds like it won't be long before one of you strays again anyway

I get it, I do.
But two wrongs don't make a right!

You say your husband had an affair and then go on to say he had a kiss. A kiss may well be inappropriate but it is hardly an affair!

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, you have to make your own mind up, but affairs rarely end well. I've seen couples pulled apart because of one or both partner's recklessness.

If you love your husband and he loves you, it might be worthwhile just trying to please each other and see how it goes.

I don’t think you owe him any loyalty so that’s not a reason to deny yourself.

But the odds are he will cheat again so I’d be looking for someone permanent.

I reckon it would be a slippery slope and sex would follow soon after.

Affairs rarely end well...and it sounds like his is still (unsurprisingly) an issue or you wouldn't think this.

My friend went through this for years and threw in the towel as she never ever really forgave...and I don't blame her

I don't think you're marriage is dead. But no kids and wanting to kiss someone else it's on life support.

Why save your marriage? You can have a lot of first kisses and potential and rushes of hormones and neurotransmitters. If your marriage is better than that rush, stay. But if you want that first rush of lust, and what follows, leave.

My DH had an emotional affair (including sending pics, making attempts to meet up etc) a few years back. Like you, we have worked really hard to get back to a good place and I partially understand how it came about in the first place. At the time, I made a point of meeting up with a long time male friend whom I knew for certain had always wanted me, and kissed him for 'revenge' (crazy I know). It did not play out how I thought- I didn't feel any better whatsoever, it felt very weird and wrong and now I experience bouts of guilt every so often. I suspect it wouldn't pan out the way you envisage it might. (And if it does, then I think that marks the true end of your relationship and feelings for your DH).

How are you going to explain this to the kissing man ? " Oh John, I wonder if we might have a huge, passionate snog after work ? I don't want to have sex or anything, it's just that my DH had an affair and I want to even the score by having a huge kissing session ." No matter how you phrased it, the results could be nowhere near what you'd hoped for. And what about him - not every man is up for this kind of hit-and-run liaison.

Personally I'd either leave the marriage or put some work into it. But staying and playing around on the side seems to be the worst of both worlds.

He might be a bad kisser!

I don't get you OP.

You say We have worked hard to rebuild our foundations and are in a good place.

^ If this is true why do you want to snog someone else?

Maybe you haven't really forgiven him?

Well gp for it, he evidently didn't give a shit about your feeling

I think if you do it it just opens up the whole marriage to a life of infidelity.

You enjoy it - what happens next?
You don't enjoy it - you feel guilty and like you've betrayed him too.

There's no positive outcome here.

I wonder if it is less about kissing someone else and knowing that you have been so magnanimous in forgiving your husband, you want to know that he loves you enough to do the same for you and would forgive you in the same situation?

I've never cheated and don't plan to. I ended the relationships I've been cheated on. But reading your post OP I can see you maybe thinking kissing someone and your husband never finding out might make you feel that you've settled "the score". I dont blame you for thinking that and it might work. That kiss might lead to more or cause a load of hassle if for example you can't shake that person off and your DH finds out. Its appealing but is it worth the risk? If it is, why are you still in this relationship?