DP being distant this pregnancy? Feeling under prioritised.

[Username1233]

Firstly, I'm not even entirely sure of the point in my post. I'm 31 weeks pregnant, feeling hormonal, tired and possibly a little lonely if I'm being honest - maybe even just looking for a space to vent anonymously where I feel no shame in my unreasonableness.

Some background, me and DP have been together 10 years and already have a DC, aged 6 together. We both work full time, in addition DP has an evening job two days a week (it's a large step away from his professional and dull day job, although it earns some extra pocket money I'm 99% sure he does it for the enjoyment (which is totally fine). However, DP also has another evening hobby, and is always happy to help others out. I had booked Saturday to this Saturday off work to spend some time with DC and partner before baby arrives. This has been the schedule for my week off (evenings are the important part as that's the time we spend together, DP is working daytimes this week).

Saturday - DP offered to pick up an evening shift so I didn't see him (I didn't finish work until 4pm).
Sunday - A day full of errands but we got to do them together.
Monday - I taken my DC camping for one night, DP didn't want to come as didn't want to be tired for day job (perfectly understandable).
Tuesday - DP working evenings
Wednesday - DP decided to go to an extra hobby evening
Thursday - DP working evening
Friday - Finally an evening together
Saturday - DP has decided to visit family in different county for the weekend.

I just feel a little disheartened as would really like to spend some quality time together. I'm tired, and doing 90% of the house work as he's out most evenings. We haven't been intimate in months (I have tried, not had anything back) and he hasn't actually contributed to anything for the new baby's arrival. (I've organised, ordered, sorted the nursery, bought the travel set, etc). Not quite too sure where his extra evening earnings are going! I'm feeling so sad about it all, but also realise I might just be being soppy because I'm pregnant and bored! I feel under prioritised with his decisions this week, but don't want to express how I'm feeling incase I guilt trip him into spending some quality time with me (I want him to want me).

Anyway, thanks for reading my boring and very long winded rant. It always feels much better to spill things out in writing. 😳

I think you need to say how you feel tbh. You want to spend more time together and as a family. That's not unreasonable. Saying that, if this week was unusual I'd probably just leave it. Also not enough info in your post but definitely consider whether chores and childcare are split equitably.

@HungryandIknowit I really don't want to come across as high maintenance 🙈. He said to me yesterday that he's going to be out again this evening, I responded with "oh, I was looking forward to spending some time with you.". He said he didn't think he needed to go anyway so will look at going on the usual hobby day. This morning I said "so are you home this evening". His response "no, but I will only be out for 2/3 hours". So he chose to still go, and despite it only being 2-3 hours it's between 7 and 10 so the best part of the evening really. I actually feel silly for typing this out, I sound so ridiculous.

DP certainly does his fair share of tidying and child duties, but all cleaning, bed making/changing is down to me. X

I don't think it's high maintenance to express how you feel. You obviously both care about each other if you don't want to mention it and when you do he's adjusts his behaviour, which is great. Imo it's not unreasonable to want to spend some of the week with your partner, but you won't get to do so unless you're clear about what you want! Clearly room for compromise here. You should also probably discuss what happens when the baby arrives. It would be reasonable to expect he will put the hobby on hold.

I missed that he didn't adjust his behaviour, just said he would! You need to have a proper discussion about it and tell him what you want. It's not unreasonable to want to spend time with your partner.

@HungryandIknowit Thanks for making me feel not so silly. Will need to discuss with him when I'm not feeling quite so hot headed about it all (or I will just explode about everything). You're right that I just need to be honest about how I'm feeling, I just don't feel like I should tell him that I would like to be prioritised over what seems to be more important to him. Anything moving forward will feel unauthentic. Grrrr, pregnancy really does bring out so many unwanted emotions!

Good luck! You are definitely not being unreasonable x