To find this a bit rude?

[SettleDoon]

Me and an ex from my teenage years reconnected recently. Nothing romantic, as stbxh and I split at Christmas and he has come out of a weird situationship recently too.

We have been texting more often in recent weeks, most days actually. We met up twice this past month and enjoyed just chatting into the early hours. We have hugged at the end of the evening, but that's it. If I ever post selfies, he responds with a flame or a heart, so I assume he is attracted to me.

We've never discussed what this thing is, but I just want to be friends and I assume he does too. However, I enjoy spending time with him.

After seeing him on Saturday, he contacted me on Monday saying he was going to try to get his friends to come over to a cafe close to my work place on Tuesday (yesterday) as they all have a joint hobby they enjoy doing in different cafes on Tuesdays. I told him it would be too tempting not to pop in and say "hi" since he would be so close by. He said he would love that and would love another one of my hugs. He said he would let me know what they all decide.

I contacted him on my lunch yesterday asking him whether they had made a decision yet. He said they were all still doing a vote and that he would let me know.

Then nothing.

Thankfully, I had plans to meet with some friends at a nearby cafe for some board games after work, but I spent the whole time distracted and checking my phone to see if he had messaged. I was going to slip out (my friends were happy with this) if this guy and his friends had decided to come to the nearby cafe and spend a bit of time with him before heading home. But he didn't contact me again that evening. I assume they didn't travel over, and stayed in their usual spot, but I felt a bit let down that he didn't let me know. I was distracted all evening and feel frustrated with myself for allowing that to be the case. I wouldn't have minded not seeing him, but I wish he'd have just let me know either way.

He has contacted me a few times today. Once to tell me a recent episode of a show we both watch was amazing, another to send me a funny TikTok, and then again to put a flame emoji on my selfie. I have ignored all of this because I feel a bit crappy about the situation and don't know how to respond. Equally, I think I am possibly being unreasonable and should just continue as before.

What do you all think?
Thanks.

Is it possible he wasn’t able to get everyone to agree to meet there and he was embarrassed to tell you?

So you know you don't want anything romantic with him, have strong suspicions that he does (sue to flame emoji) and continue to see him.
Sounds like you're stringing him along. Your instinct knows he probably wants more and you know you don't. You need to be clear you're nothing more than friends otherwise that's unfair.

This is something I did consider. I am not quite sure.

I have no intention of bringing this to him and creating any kind of drama. I just needed a day to consider what's going on and why I have allowed myself to become frustrated by this.

Neither of us have ever disclosed feelings for each other or discussed what is happening really. We are just catching up on life, having a laugh, sharing mutual hobbies. We just talk, talk and talk.

A few red flags.
He is on OnlyFans and posts content.
He calls himself a man whore.
He says he is more polygamous inclined. When I questioned this and asked whether he sees himself in a monogamous relationship, he said maybe and he just likes to see where things go.

This just isn't for me.

Forgive me for this, but it sounds to me that, even if you logically don't want anything romantic with him, you do enjoy the attention and want him to fancy you.

Hence, you were annoyed by the cafe thing because you want him to want to see you.

He doesn't sound like a catch and you don't sound in the right place, so I would try to cut off the dopamine supply his attention is giving you and take a massive step back.

You need to step back from this ‘friendship’. You’re overly invested in someone that you know is no good for you. Withdraw and spend some time settling in to single life, recovering from the breakdown of your marriage, and socialising with people that don’t turn you into a dithering teenager.

I'd stop seeing him

You have romantic feelings for him and his red flags are very red and very 🤮

Step away from the self professing man whore. You fancy him or you want the attention.

Either way, fine, but be honest with yourself so you don't end up down a divorce teenage rebound drama rabbit hole.