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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you delete people off Facebook if they don't post/are inactive?

66 replies

awkwarddd · 05/04/2023 20:21

I don't really post on Facebook and never have. I recently logged back in as I wanted to use messenger, and realised that my Facebook profile picture was around 10 years old from when I was 16 so I've now updated it.

Since being on it I've realised a lot of people have removed me as a friend, including people I was best friends with as a teenager. I still have lots of mutual friends with them (like 50 mutual friends), so it's not like they culled everyone from their teenage years.

Would people delete me because I never posted and my picture was 10 years old, so they just presumed I didn't use it anymore?

I just feel kind of sad about it, I wish I had kept in contact with friends

OP posts:
TrickorTreacle · 05/04/2023 21:17

I've deleted 3 people (out of 40ish).

1 for vaguebooking. Can't stand it personally, but we're still friends and still see each other IRL and email each other when online.
1 for posting right-wing politics. I can't stand politics, left or right.
1 for ghosting me. Turned out she closed her FB profile anyway not long after.

I'm not keen on Messenger either. I prefer Signal and WhatsApp.

Emigratingimmigrant · 05/04/2023 21:19

Wishawisha · 05/04/2023 21:10

I’m more likely to delete people who over-post.

Isn’t Facebook kind of “dead” though? Or at least, dead for its original purpose of people sharing photos and statuses and keeping it touch. I still use it loads for things like Facebook marketplace and the groups for very niche groups of people eg parents groups in the area, people who are planning holidays to whatever specific location… that kind of thing. Virtually no one I follow uses it to post regular photos and keep it touch with life updates anymore and not for many years.

My circle does

TheLoupGarou · 05/04/2023 21:20

Wishawisha · 05/04/2023 21:10

I’m more likely to delete people who over-post.

Isn’t Facebook kind of “dead” though? Or at least, dead for its original purpose of people sharing photos and statuses and keeping it touch. I still use it loads for things like Facebook marketplace and the groups for very niche groups of people eg parents groups in the area, people who are planning holidays to whatever specific location… that kind of thing. Virtually no one I follow uses it to post regular photos and keep it touch with life updates anymore and not for many years.

Exactly this. I think Facebook is pretty dead as a way of keeping in touch. Most people I know have moved onto different platforms - Instagram, WhatsApp, whatever youngsters use.

StarDolphins · 05/04/2023 21:26

I delete people if I wouldn’t say hello if I walked past them, conspiracy theory type people, anyone trying to rehome their pet or announcing their cat has ‘accidentally’ had kittens,anyone that posts pics of their food & chavs.

People unfriend people for many reasons so I wouldn’t think too much about it but sounds like it’s a good time to try & resurrect some of the friendships? You sound quite sad about these. Life gets in the way I know but get in touch with them.

Oakyloaky · 05/04/2023 21:26

Genuine question …how do you know someone has deleted/ unfriendly you on FB ?

Foundryside · 05/04/2023 21:49

Oakyloaky · 05/04/2023 21:26

Genuine question …how do you know someone has deleted/ unfriendly you on FB ?

If they were on your friends list, and now they’re not, then that’s a pretty big clue.

Of course, someone who disappears from your friends list may have deactivated their account, but in that case, if you search their name they’re not likely to show up as having loads of mutual friends.

Gothambutnotahamster · 05/04/2023 21:50

This thread has inspired me to have a cull of my FB friends. Have just deleted a lot who don't post or comment. I don't mind if people don't post if they interact with my posts, but can't stand lurkers, so have deleted all of those individuals.

OneFrenchEgg · 05/04/2023 21:52

Gothambutnotahamster · 05/04/2023 21:50

This thread has inspired me to have a cull of my FB friends. Have just deleted a lot who don't post or comment. I don't mind if people don't post if they interact with my posts, but can't stand lurkers, so have deleted all of those individuals.

I think about doing this, but the algorithms do means people don't always see you post

OhMyCherriePie · 05/04/2023 21:59

I stopped using Facebook as in don’t post pics or status anymore but still go on occasionally and have noticed so many people have deleted me, at least 50 🤣 so yes they do

2023issucky · 05/04/2023 22:04

I removed a lot of people I grew up with. We had no contact outside of social media. I post a lot of our family trips and news ect. I have no desire to hold onto friendships that have run their course. I don't believe every friendship should last a lifetime.

AuntieMarys · 05/04/2023 22:07

I cull people regularly

PenelopeTitsDrop3121 · 05/04/2023 22:36

I do. I find even worse though,people who are regularly on Facebook but don't like or comment on anything I post.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/04/2023 22:43

Same as others, I cull regularly. Especially if people don’t ever post or interact but just lurk.

Yazo · 05/04/2023 22:45

I do and have also deleted my best friend as a teenager but kept other friends, I found it hard that she never posted on anything, never wished me congratulations or liked a photo and it seemed worse than someone I wasn't very close to. It's important to put the effort in.

FrostyFifi · 05/04/2023 22:46

I'm surprised at people saying they cull people who don't post or interact. I honestly don't care enough to bother, wouldn't that involve trawling through your friends list and actually putting some thought into it?
Also the fb algorithm being what it is, poor old Doris might be posting the most fascinating stuff on the planet but you're not getting to see it.

FrostyFifi · 05/04/2023 22:48

Then again I don't really consider every person I'm fb friends with to be friends-friends. It's more like a disparate collection of people I've had some sort of connection with across my lifetime. I'll have some positive feelings towards them or they wouldn't be there, so no motivation to delete them. I quite like the randomness of it.

CandleInTheStorm · 05/04/2023 22:53

Gothambutnotahamster · 05/04/2023 21:50

This thread has inspired me to have a cull of my FB friends. Have just deleted a lot who don't post or comment. I don't mind if people don't post if they interact with my posts, but can't stand lurkers, so have deleted all of those individuals.

Ah yes the lurkers!

I deleted all my friends and only use fb now for certain groups and marketplace. I've had a couple of comments from people saying I unfriended them etc but oddly they were people who never actually liked or commented on my posts, so were just nosey. This made me glad to delete everyone!

Mywardrobesareoak · 05/04/2023 23:43

I delete them if we have no interaction, what's the point 🤷

Mywardrobesareoak · 05/04/2023 23:45

FrostyFifi · 05/04/2023 22:46

I'm surprised at people saying they cull people who don't post or interact. I honestly don't care enough to bother, wouldn't that involve trawling through your friends list and actually putting some thought into it?
Also the fb algorithm being what it is, poor old Doris might be posting the most fascinating stuff on the planet but you're not getting to see it.

Yes but if they're never interacting with your content, liking it or commenting etc, then they're clearly not interested in you so they can just be gone imo

eenymeenymineymo · 06/04/2023 00:13

I too have deleted FB "friends" many of whom I've worked with previously but no longer see or connect often.
If we don't engage with anything on our pages it's a big Why do I need them taking up room in my head to me.
So now only a few dozen friends & family. I agree too that FB has changed & I probably only light in once or twice week.

Gogogo1 · 06/04/2023 00:16

No I wouldn’t notice

Emigratingimmigrant · 06/04/2023 07:35

FrostyFifi · 05/04/2023 22:46

I'm surprised at people saying they cull people who don't post or interact. I honestly don't care enough to bother, wouldn't that involve trawling through your friends list and actually putting some thought into it?
Also the fb algorithm being what it is, poor old Doris might be posting the most fascinating stuff on the planet but you're not getting to see it.

Peeping toms are there for gossip. Not going to provide that.
If you have small friendlist it's easy to realise you haven't seen anything from x recently and pop on their profile.

FrostyFifi · 06/04/2023 07:39

Peeping toms are there for gossip. Not going to provide that

They'd be out of luck lurking on mine then.

Maybe for me it's because I've lived in a lit of places so by necessity can't meet up physically with most people I know but it's nice to still have a bit of a connection e en if we weren't close enough for messages. I still wish them well and enjoy seeing their milestones.

ShandaLear · 06/04/2023 07:42

Yes, I do a cull every now and again. It was prompted by meeting a friend who never posted or interacted but was able to talk about my posts in quite a lot of detail. I felt like a performing seal and after that I binned the people who I didn’t engage with.

ilovemydog123 · 06/04/2023 07:45

I do I've deleted people who ain't active cos I think they only on my list to be nosy
And if we don't speak everyone on my friends list is people I talk to and like