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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Soft play etiquette

21 replies

Lopsylol · 05/04/2023 16:54

so I was at a soft play today and they have a outside bit my DD (almost 3) was happily playing on a bike ride on and then another dad goes over to my daughter and says it his turn now you can have it back later and gives it to his son. Now I’m all for teaching to share she has a younger brother but I was kinda gobsmacked at another parent telling my daughter what to do, I would never do that I would just tell her to wait her turn and be patient and find something else to play with in the meantime. I really wish I stood up for my DD now and it’s been playing on my mind ever since. AIBU to think that man was wrong?

OP posts:
00100001 · 05/04/2023 16:55

He was wrong.

aSofaNearYou · 05/04/2023 16:56

Yeah, it's weird that he just told her he was taking it. Asking would have been the normal thing to do.

Frabbits · 05/04/2023 16:56

Yep, what a dick.

dreamygirl25 · 05/04/2023 16:57

How long had she been on it for?
I think he could have said 'can my son have a turn after you' then it's up to you to get her off of you want her to share.

AFriendToEveryoneIsAFriendToNoOne · 05/04/2023 16:59

Well it's a bit rude and I would probably have stepped in and said 'no, she's playing with it at the moment, I'll let you know when she's finished!' Then I'd have let her have a few more minutes and said 'let's share this one now so that everyone gets a turn' and found something else to do.

I don't let my daughters be pushed around by men like that I'm afraid (or anyone).

Share, take turns, play nicely - yep. Move aside the second you're told to when you're in the middle of something to please someone else? Nope.

Let's not raise another generation of people-pleasing girls who're unable to advocate for themselves!

Hercisback · 05/04/2023 17:00

How long had she been on it?

Nothing worse than the kid who won't get off something.

DiddyHeck · 05/04/2023 17:01

Was she still on it when he gave it to his son?

I8toys · 05/04/2023 17:02

Depends how long she was on it and if you were nearby and noticing others maybe waiting.

Whammyyammy · 05/04/2023 17:08

He was a dick.
And it doesnt matter how long she was on it! These things don't have time limits

WhatFreshHeckle · 05/04/2023 17:10

That's weird if him

WhatFreshHeckle · 05/04/2023 17:10

Of*

PetitPorpoise · 05/04/2023 17:14

Weird of him. If she had been on it a long time; it would have been more normal to audibly say that his son could have a turn once the little girl had finished, so that others were aware that he was waiting.

lunar1 · 05/04/2023 17:22

How long was she in it for and how many were there?

ditalini · 05/04/2023 17:24

How long had she had it? If there's a very popular toy then you should monitor your child and give the next child a turn after a reasonable period ao that this doesn't need to happen.

CheersForThatEh · 05/04/2023 17:30

He was wrong. You should have stood up for your daughter (I don't mean that as horribly as it sounds written down, sorry).

So I think all you can do now is be prepared for next time, tell your daughter that you think you should have done something differently and explain that you didnt feel brave at time. That way she can see that sometimes adults make mistakes and that you can "admit" it. She won't really get that now but as an ongoing strategy it might be helpful. I've had quite a few "should have" moments and they suck. You arent alone x

Topseyt123 · 05/04/2023 17:48

If she'd been on it for ages then I might have told him that I would get her off to give his child a turn in the next few minutes. If she'd only just got on it herself I would have told him to be patient for a while.

Overall, it sounds like he was rather too pushy and you should have stuck up for your DD better, but you know that I think. Hindsight is great.

Original poster
Lopsylol · 06/04/2023 21:30

I completely understand your view but as it’s his son I do think you should give him a second chance but I wouldn’t let him stay in your house maybe you could find a B&B or something nearby so you can build bridges that way but still feel comfortable in your own home? I just think at the end of the day it’s his son if he DH wants to see him you shouldn’t stand in the way as it could end up Causing a rift between you two

OP posts:
ditalini · 06/04/2023 21:51

Wrong thread, but now that you're back what was the story about the toy?

DiddyHeck · 06/04/2023 22:06

ditalini · 06/04/2023 21:51

Wrong thread, but now that you're back what was the story about the toy?

First time I've seen an OP accidentally come back to their own thread and still not bother updating! 😂

surreygirl1987 · 06/04/2023 22:49

🤣

Motherhubbardscupboard · 06/04/2023 22:56

There was a thread a few weeks ago where it was the mum who told another child at a toddler group it was someone else's turn on the bike now and Mumsnet unanimously agreed she did nothing wrong in standing up for her child. Now it's a man doing exactly the same he is unanimously wrong!

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