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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared to date again after being discarded two years ago?

18 replies

Cv8 · 05/04/2023 13:26

Just over 2 years since my 4.5 year relationship ended. He did it in such a cold way and in what he said, like I'd meant nothing to him really. I'm ashamed to say it took me about 1.5 years to feel myself again, with the help of a counsellor. I've been ticking along fine in the last few months. I was single for a long time before this relationship and never had a problem being single.

I've now been asked on a date by someone I've known for a long time, but I feel absolutely terrified about getting involved with someone again/ making the wrong decision/ getting hurt again/ feeling like the other person would lie about their feelings towards me like my ex, and also that I'm just about feeling happy on my own again.

AIBU - go on the date and just enjoy it after two years since breakup?

OP posts:
Solongtoshort · 05/04/2023 13:34

Go on the date, be brave. Just because you chose the wrong man last time doesn’t mean you will again. Plus if you know this man already and he is a friend you obviously know his character, but if you don’t think he is not for you after three dates tell him gently You never know he may have been waiting for you to be happy and healed before asking you out in order to protect himself from being a rebound guy.

Original poster
Cv8 · 05/04/2023 16:41

I've only ever socialised with him in a group, so maybe a date might be no harm to see how we get on.

OP posts:
JMSA · 05/04/2023 16:43

Go for it, OP! Best of luck Flowers

Summerhillsquare · 05/04/2023 20:50

Don't be hard on yourself either way. You have coped with a difficult situation and survived.

Sapphire387 · 05/04/2023 20:52

Are you attracted to him, do you think you'd want to date him?

xPaz · 05/04/2023 20:57

The equilibrium you can eventuallyget to being single is precious too. Married people protect their marriage in various sensible ways and it's ok for single people to decide, no, it's not worth going on a date.

Original poster
Cv8 · 06/04/2023 11:09

Sapphire387 · 05/04/2023 20:52

Are you attracted to him, do you think you'd want to date him?

He's not someone I ever imagined myself going out with, but I've been thinking about whether I find him attractive, and I do.

However, after my breakup I decided I was going to remain single forever, which is probably a silly decision to make at the time.

OP posts:
EL2022 · 07/04/2023 09:52

I would go on the date and enjoy it for what it is and don't overthink it.

QueefQueen80s · 07/04/2023 09:54

I bet your ex didn't take this long to move on? Enjoy yourself. If you want to be single stay single but if you want to date then get out there!

Ohthebanality · 07/04/2023 09:57

Who cares how long it took for her ex to move on? From the sounds of it he wasn't a nice person. That has nothing to with whether the OP should try to meet someone else.

Original poster
Cv8 · 07/04/2023 10:13

We've been in contact and have left it that we're going to have a catch-up early summer. I just don't feel ready to go on the date straight away. He was happy with this and said he thought I might say I'm not quite ready.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 07/04/2023 10:22

Ohthebanality · 07/04/2023 09:57

Who cares how long it took for her ex to move on? From the sounds of it he wasn't a nice person. That has nothing to with whether the OP should try to meet someone else.

I meant it in a nice way to OP, in that I bet he didn't take this long so she shouldn't give him any more of her time or thoughts.

Original poster
Cv8 · 07/04/2023 10:47

Yes, I know 2 years might seem like a long time ago and I'm well over him now. This guy is nice so it might be with giving him a chance.

OP posts:
Ohthebanality · 07/04/2023 10:47

@QueefQueen80s It didn't sound nice. And she shouldn't be comparing herself to him or even caring what he does. Like I said who cares. The OP should do what feels right for herself.

Ohthebanality · 07/04/2023 10:49

@QueefQueen80s It was a nasty flippant thing to say. Kind of thing I would expect a man to say tbh. The OP has obviously been hit hard by this man's actions. Have some sensitivity.

QueefQueen80s · 07/04/2023 10:56

Ohthebanality · 07/04/2023 10:47

@QueefQueen80s It didn't sound nice. And she shouldn't be comparing herself to him or even caring what he does. Like I said who cares. The OP should do what feels right for herself.

I literally said "Enjoy yourself and do whatever feels best for you" Hmm I think you've woken up on the wrong side of bed and want an argument.

Original poster
Cv8 · 07/04/2023 11:03

QueefQueen80s · 07/04/2023 10:56

I literally said "Enjoy yourself and do whatever feels best for you" Hmm I think you've woken up on the wrong side of bed and want an argument.

Show quote history

Don't worry, I took it initially that you meant it in a nice way.

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 07/04/2023 18:43

Thanks 🖤 I've been there too and wish you all the best!

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