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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is the worst insult you can use?

22 replies

BrokenBonesStixStones · 04/04/2023 23:44

AIBU to think that someone saying you’re a bad parent or accuse you of bad parenting is one of the absolute worst insults you can throw?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/04/2023 23:49

If there's absolutely no truth in it, then it's hurtful. Saying that someone is unlovable, a freak etc can cut deep. It's subjective.

Feemie · 04/04/2023 23:50

Wouldn’t have said so, no. People’s opinions as to what constitutes adequate parenting are pretty diverse.

Lefteyetwitch · 04/04/2023 23:52

Depending on the delivery some self reflection may be in order.

After working with children I think we should stop caring about the fragile ego of adults and start holding them to account.

Yazo · 04/04/2023 23:52

I can think of worse. We're all bad parents at times, if such a thing exists.

Oakyloaky · 04/04/2023 23:53

Depends very much on context!

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 23:54

I think bad person is probably worse and bad people tend not to make great parents anyway.

But as a pp said, it's pretty subjective.

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 23:55

Yazo · 04/04/2023 23:52

I can think of worse. We're all bad parents at times, if such a thing exists.

Christ, of course it exists.

Think about it!

abmac95 · 05/04/2023 00:00

You can be a bad parent but still a good person.

SD1978 · 05/04/2023 00:01

No. If there is no basis to it, wouldn't bother me at all.

JMSA · 05/04/2023 00:02

abmac95 · 05/04/2023 00:00

You can be a bad parent but still a good person.

What about a bad person but a good parent ... if such a thing even exists?!

fruitbrewhaha · 05/04/2023 00:03

Nah, there’s worse.

JudgeRudy · 05/04/2023 00:05

BrokenBonesStixStones · 04/04/2023 23:44

AIBU to think that someone saying you’re a bad parent or accuse you of bad parenting is one of the absolute worst insults you can throw?

I had someone I know quite well say they didn't trust me. I thought trustworthiness was one of my character strengths and others agreed. She thought I'd done something I hadn't. The friendship never recovered and I struggle to process it still. I was both shocked and deeply insulted

kittenkipping · 05/04/2023 00:06

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin this be the verse

Yes society has sold, particularly to women, the idea that to be "bad" at parenting is to fail and the worst of insults- the reality is that all parents fail, all people fail. The expectation of perfection is what is actually failing us.

Original poster
BrokenBonesStixStones · 05/04/2023 00:11

Thanks everyone, perhaps I’m too sensitive and I have issues with self esteem

Just for the record I don’t think I’m a bad parent (not a perfect parent either I’m sure but I try my best). Teenage DC was late finishing their homework this evening - my DP were telling me this was a result of me being a bad parent 😞 this is unusual, DC usually has homework finished up early but I suppose excitement of Easter hols coming up sidetracked them

OP posts:
herlightmaterials · 05/04/2023 00:12

Yes if it's untrue.

herlightmaterials · 05/04/2023 00:13

Especially coming from the other parent.

Cherrysherbet · 05/04/2023 00:13

We're all bad parents at times, if such a thing exists.

……erm of course bad parents exist! What a strange comment.

Original poster
BrokenBonesStixStones · 05/04/2023 00:14

kittenkipping · 05/04/2023 00:06

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin this be the verse

Yes society has sold, particularly to women, the idea that to be "bad" at parenting is to fail and the worst of insults- the reality is that all parents fail, all people fail. The expectation of perfection is what is actually failing us.

This resonates very true, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenBonesStixStones · 05/04/2023 00:16

@JudgeRudy im sorry, this would upset me very much too. I hope u were able to clear your name?

OP posts:
Lovelyring · 05/04/2023 00:28

I think the worst insult depends on who is saying it and the repercussions.

For example, if a stranger told me I was a bad parent I'd think they were rude but it wouldn't ruin my day.

On the other hand, if it was my husband I'd be pretty devastated. Or someone in social services.

My ex-BFs mother insulted me once and it hurt, but it hurt a hell of a lot more when my bf used the same insult. Because I knew it wasn't true. His mother hated me anyway but I expected my bf to love me and not believe it.

Lovelyring · 05/04/2023 00:32

I think the worst insults often also touch a nerve. If someone said "you're a bad parent" to me I wouldn't be that fussed because I am confident in my parenting. But if they said "you're mentally unstable" that would hurt me more because mental illness runs in my family and it's a fear that I'll develop the same illness too.

KittyAlfred · 05/04/2023 00:42

Yazo · 04/04/2023 23:52

I can think of worse. We're all bad parents at times, if such a thing exists.

“If such a thing exists” ?? Did you read the news today?

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