To say no more

[MaryEllis78]

Dds dad and his wife keep drinking when they have dd11
she hates it feels very uncomfortable
iv already told
them this and she didn’t like going to parties with strangers whilst they drink. That did stop but she’s now told
me that last weekend they spend 12-6pm down the pub then went back they fell asleep then woke up at 9pm! Put her and the younger one to bed

im sick of having to tell him basics stuff in my eyes it’s unacceptable to go on a bender with the children
he’s threatened legal action in the past
I don’t want to ruin their relationship but aibu to think they shouldn’t be doing this?? Or am I bu

You let her choose whether to go. You have her back and don't make excuses for him. If she says that she wants to still go and you think that it isn't safe, the override her and stop access.

She doesn’t want to go but doesn’t want it to have come from her
I’m trying so hard to be balanced but feel like I’m going against what I feel is safe

I would not tolerate that. I would not have my precious child in a house where two adults are either a) drunk or b) passed out. Anything could happen. They may invite unsavoury guests, your daughter is basically left without supervision and worse still. Seek legal advice. Stop all visits until they have been investigated and dealt with - officially.

ps the going to parties with strangers while the adults responsible are drug sounds really creepy and weird.

Is the younger one yours too? How old? Is dd being left with the younger child in the house alone or do they get taken to the pub too?

If only dd11 is yours I'd stop wending her. She's likely not wanting them to k ownits coming from her as they've threatened her about it. If the younger one is notbyours they don't want to loose their unpaid childminder.

Ask yourself if something happened to her is it your fault or theirs.

It would be their fault.

It would be their fault, not OP's, but that would be of very little comfort, particularly after having known that she didn't want to go and had depended on me to keep her safe, even if it meant being the "bad guy" to her father.

OP, they're behaving irresponsibly. You're not wrong to expect him to know better, but apparently he's an idiot with no self-control.

He's been the one threatening legal action in the past? I think I'd welcome that, at this point. Let the law become involved if that's what it takes to keep your child safe and comfortable.

Keep your kid safe and dont put them in this position

I wouldn’t send her, it doesn’t sounds like she’s being kept safe, nothing may have happened yet but in those conditions that’s nothing than a fluke!

But mine also because I know about the situation. I keep feeling like this if anything were to happen I knew about this she told me
thank you everyone I’m not allowing it anymore I’m prepared to be gaslit but this has been going on too long
I keep thinking well maybe they weren’t drunk but my daughter is old enough to know just need to find a way to say this so that it’s not coming from my daughter