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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop making the effort and just look for new friends?

12 replies

Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 04/04/2023 16:20

I've had the same bunch of friends for 25 odd years, which is maybe unusual anyway. But more and more lately I feel it's geography and shared history that keeps us together, not shared ideas, views or aspirations.

I do make an effort to go to meet ups, but when I try to arrange anything it's often radio silence? So I want to stop bothering tbh. The problem is, over the years, I made very little effort to make work friends or friends through hobbies, as I
" have enough friends " I thought.
What has sparked this is I recently suggested a meet up for dinner and got no responses, a week later 4 of the group arranged a dinner out and didn't invite me. They're not good friends are they 😔 I feel about 12 years old writing this.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/04/2023 16:27

That wasn't very nice of them. Whilst I probably wouldn't do a big flounce, I would stop making the effort, and look around for new a new social network, yes.

Stripycatz · 04/04/2023 16:31

They don't sound like good friends. Archive them and move on. 💐

Inthesamesinkingboat · 04/04/2023 16:32

Stop making the effort. If they organise something and you fancy it then go, otherwise look elsewhere for friends. They seem unkind.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 04/04/2023 16:33

No I can't imagine treating a friend the way your "friends" treat you. Time to start making an effort. Although I don't really understand why you wouldn't have made at least a few other friends, especially through hobbies. A lot of hobbies come with a social life sort of built in, are your hobbies not like that? Time to start saying yes to any invitations from other sources, OP. Best of luck.

FrenchandSaunders · 04/04/2023 16:34

That’s awful OP

Katherine1985 · 04/04/2023 16:37

No wonder you’re upset with them! I would be too. So allow this feeling without judging yourself - and also step back and think about what you want now. It does sound quite a jaded dynamic and like you’re ready for something new and different

Original poster
Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 04/04/2023 17:01

Thank you for the kind replies. I suppose I was too busy with babies, work, family life before to really make an effort. And yes, one hobby in particular has a very sociable, friendly group of ladies attached. I did turn down invitations over the years, and the same at work. I was very foolish I can see now. Honestly I felt like a bit of a baby how sad this has made me, so thank you for kind responses. I won't flounce, but I will stop making an effort. And I will put my energy elsewhere.
Next thread, I haven't made a new friend in 25 years, any tips??? 😄

OP posts:
Inthesamesinkingboat · 04/04/2023 17:27

If one of your hobbies has a group of nice sociable types, just ask them if you can come along to whatever they do- if it’s a drink after or whatever. If they’ve previously invited you to things and they invite newcomers they probably just didnt want to hound you. Just ask, I bet they’ll say yes

Crikeyisthatthetime · 05/04/2023 08:07

Inthesamesinkingboat · 04/04/2023 17:27

If one of your hobbies has a group of nice sociable types, just ask them if you can come along to whatever they do- if it’s a drink after or whatever. If they’ve previously invited you to things and they invite newcomers they probably just didnt want to hound you. Just ask, I bet they’ll say yes

This! Say yes please instead of no thanks.

QuertyGirl · 05/04/2023 08:16

Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 04/04/2023 16:20

I've had the same bunch of friends for 25 odd years, which is maybe unusual anyway. But more and more lately I feel it's geography and shared history that keeps us together, not shared ideas, views or aspirations.

I do make an effort to go to meet ups, but when I try to arrange anything it's often radio silence? So I want to stop bothering tbh. The problem is, over the years, I made very little effort to make work friends or friends through hobbies, as I
" have enough friends " I thought.
What has sparked this is I recently suggested a meet up for dinner and got no responses, a week later 4 of the group arranged a dinner out and didn't invite me. They're not good friends are they 😔 I feel about 12 years old writing this.

I had a group do that to me.

I dumped them which was painful initially but it improved my life no end in the long run

Original poster
Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 05/04/2023 12:33

Yes, I have more clarity now that I've started to write it down. I really was just coasting along, presuming that things had never and would never change. Pretty silly I now realise. As pp said, time to archive this group and move on. It's sad but it's exciting. Time to move on, Sort of bitter sweet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 05/04/2023 12:35

And absolutely yes to the description of it as a jaded dynamic. Everyone still playing the same roles 25 years later.

OP posts:
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