Page 2 | I don't want to celebrate my Birthday

flipent · 2023-04-04T13:48:17+00:00

I don't have any interest in celebrating my birthday. I don't share the date with people at work or people who don't know. But obviously my family and oldest friends all know the date. I have told my family and friends that I just want it to be a normal day - but they have insisted on marking the occasion and giving gifts. It seems to be offensive to them that I don't want to do anything or have any gifts. I've tried for a number of years but they've even all turned up at my house with no notice in previous years. The idea of celebrating or having to sit in front of people and open presents makes me feel incredibly anxious. I'm not trying to be ungrateful. AIBU to not want to do anything and to not want any gifts.

girlfriend44 · 05/04/2023 15:01

Hbh17 · 04/04/2023 15:59

I totally get this. I'm in my 50s now but I just get less and less interested in my own birthday. I find it so embarassing, to the extent that it takes me several days to open cards & presents. At least Christmas is for everyone, so far less excruciating.
This year my husband will be away on holiday (coincidental, but I'm happy about it) and I'm planning a quiet, solo day - maybe with a bit of volunteering, but nobody there will know, so no problem.
I mark other people's birthdays because it makes them happy, but by what logic do we have to celebrate the anniversary of someone being born, which is a very random thing/accident of biology? Their only "achievement" is to breathe in and out for a further 365 days 😂

It's a celebration that they are alive and reach another birthday.

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:02

flipent · 04/04/2023 15:14

Exactly this.
I would quite happily never mention it and do exactly what I would do on any other day. But it seems to upset everyone else - which makes me feel awful.
It's getting worse each year - feel physically sick thinking about it.

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Why though?

Original poster

flipent · 05/04/2023 15:05

@BananasinPyhamas Does it matter why?

OP posts:

girlfriend44 · 05/04/2023 15:09

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:02

Why though?

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Agree why, no one has shared why they don't want people to know when their birthday is?

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:11

flipent · 05/04/2023 15:05

@BananasinPyhamas Does it matter why?

Yes because its odd to be so against it that you feel sick. I assume there's a massive back story/drip feed.

Original poster

flipent · 05/04/2023 15:15

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:11

Yes because its odd to be so against it that you feel sick. I assume there's a massive back story/drip feed.

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Not the purpose of the thread.
My concern that I was being made to feel bad for not wanting to celebrate. The reason is irrelevant.

OP posts:

SinnerBoy · 05/04/2023 15:16

@girlfriend44

Agree why, no one has shared why they don't want people to know when their birthday is?

Because I don't want a fuss about it and I've got everything I want, or need. I don't like the attention.

ColdHandsHotHead · 05/04/2023 15:17

I always go away for my birthday for the opposite reason. Nobody remembers it so I organise my own fun. You could try that?

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:26

flipent · 05/04/2023 15:15

Not the purpose of the thread.
My concern that I was being made to feel bad for not wanting to celebrate. The reason is irrelevant.

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🤣🤣 alright luv. You do you. Maybe start going away on your own to a cabin in the woods every year for a few days to avoid the birthday drama.

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 05/04/2023 16:02

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:26

🤣🤣 alright luv. You do you. Maybe start going away on your own to a cabin in the woods every year for a few days to avoid the birthday drama.

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I get it OP and I don’t know why people can’t just accept it. Not everyone likes the same things and if people insist that you’re boring or whatever for it, then they’re just not nice people.

For me, I hate being the centre of attention. It’s the main reason I didn’t want to get married, I knew even in a small registry office, there is still a degree of attention on you and couldn’t stand that.

There most likely are reasons rooted in childhood for me. My partner, friends and kids (now they’re older) know that but it’s no one else’s business.

When the kids were younger they wanted to know when mummy’s birthday was and make a fuss, so of course I went along with it for them. But now, they know to just let the day pass. A few years ago I asked for them to make a donation to an animal charity each year around my birthday instead, so that’s what they do. I thank my MIL for the card/gift she gives me and say I’ve had a lovely day when she asks because she refuses to understand I don’t want fuss. Every year, without fail, she tells my partner, her son, to do something special. And every year he says, no mum, that’s not what she wants. She’s annoying, but as I can just avoid her on my birthday, it’s easily dealt with. Birthdays are how I want now, not mentioned and just like any other day.

I am very happy to celebrate anyone else’s birthday and make a huge fuss of anyone who actually wants that. I love meals out for them and parties and weddings and hen dos.....as long as they’re not mine and I’m not centre of attention. My partner and kids are lovely and I have a wonderful group of friends who accept me, because they’re nice people. Not everyone is, as shown on this thread 😉

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 05/04/2023 16:09

BananasinPyhamas · 05/04/2023 15:26

🤣🤣 alright luv. You do you. Maybe start going away on your own to a cabin in the woods every year for a few days to avoid the birthday drama.

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Or the people around her could just listen to her wishes and she could stay in her own home. She’s not making the drama, other people are.....luv.

🙄

Georgeandzippyzoo · 05/04/2023 16:42

AllIeveknewonlyou · 04/04/2023 15:38

Actually it's nice to read a thread like this as people can get so hyped up about things.

If I ever get married I want a tiny Norman/Saxon church in a field full of sheep and 6 guests. Nice dress though of course.

My favourite valentines was atypical as well, my friend was having a crisis about girlfriends and she ordered me to get a bottle of white wine. Then she got claustrophobic and wanted to go to the park so I snatched a blanket and the wine and we sat on a hill overlooking the city. It was really magical with all the lights.

She suddenly started to run down the hill to catch a bus to a gay club so I ran after her - I wanted to go home but was suddenly left with the wine and the blanket so wrapped the bottle up with it and went home to sleep.

I got married (late 90s)at our local church ( I attended it until was at uni) and then reception at a local club. We only invited friends and close family but was still quite a lot of people .
Forward 15 yrs and a youth group I help at performed at a church a few miles away. If I hadn't been married THATS where I would have been married . It was a small stone church but inside it was 100%simple, no ornate altar, carvings or elaborate stained glass windows. It was like a barn inside with simple stone and wood work. Totally fell in love with it!!
10yrs later I do still think how beautifil it was!

DappledThings · 05/04/2023 16:49

I have refused to celebrate my birthday since I was about 15. Always hated it. Took years to get family to accept it. Had hoped in-laws would never know the date but they asked DH before he really knew how much I hated it.

Got to the point I had to be completely explicit. Sent a message to MIL and SIL saying clearly that I was not asking for a fuss, I wasn't asking for a low key birthday but that I actively wanted it to be ignored and that anything else just made me uncomfortable and upset.

Finally got through and now I've had a good few years of it being a totally normal day that most people around don't know is my birthday and anyone who does pretends they don't. DC actually don't know.

Have you been explicit OP? People won't believe I find unless you are.

Napmum · 05/04/2023 16:51

You are not being unreasonable. Go on holiday that week so they can't find you.

Camp in a tent if you have to

worktired · 05/04/2023 16:58

If that's what you want, then others should respect that.

I find that taking the day off work and going somewhere different (or even a few days off and going somewhere further afield) is usually enough to throw people off.

Original poster

flipent · 05/04/2023 17:00

DappledThings · 05/04/2023 16:49

I have refused to celebrate my birthday since I was about 15. Always hated it. Took years to get family to accept it. Had hoped in-laws would never know the date but they asked DH before he really knew how much I hated it.

Got to the point I had to be completely explicit. Sent a message to MIL and SIL saying clearly that I was not asking for a fuss, I wasn't asking for a low key birthday but that I actively wanted it to be ignored and that anything else just made me uncomfortable and upset.

Finally got through and now I've had a good few years of it being a totally normal day that most people around don't know is my birthday and anyone who does pretends they don't. DC actually don't know.

Have you been explicit OP? People won't believe I find unless you are.

I have told them, but I don't think they believe me. They can't seem to understand why anyone wouldn't want to celebrate and has previously almost become a joke.
Received a card one year 'Happy Tuesday' written in it - which is just completely missing the point!

OP posts:

DappledThings · 05/04/2023 17:09

flipent · 05/04/2023 17:00

I have told them, but I don't think they believe me. They can't seem to understand why anyone wouldn't want to celebrate and has previously almost become a joke.
Received a card one year 'Happy Tuesday' written in it - which is just completely missing the point!

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I would hate that too. I did have to get really uncomfortably explicit in my last message on the subject. Stayed clearly that the continued insistence on marking it, especially with cards and presents did not just make me uncomfortable, it made me miserable and sad that I was being so belittled and that I was at the point of now begging for my wishes to be respected otherwise it was inevitable I'd be in tears again which I was sure they didn't want.

Ridiculous that it took that level of strong words and I hated sending it but once I used that kind of language it did get through. Short term pain for eventual long term gain!

girlfriend44 · 05/04/2023 18:25

ASixPackAndTheRadio · 05/04/2023 16:02

I get it OP and I don’t know why people can’t just accept it. Not everyone likes the same things and if people insist that you’re boring or whatever for it, then they’re just not nice people.

For me, I hate being the centre of attention. It’s the main reason I didn’t want to get married, I knew even in a small registry office, there is still a degree of attention on you and couldn’t stand that.

There most likely are reasons rooted in childhood for me. My partner, friends and kids (now they’re older) know that but it’s no one else’s business.

When the kids were younger they wanted to know when mummy’s birthday was and make a fuss, so of course I went along with it for them. But now, they know to just let the day pass. A few years ago I asked for them to make a donation to an animal charity each year around my birthday instead, so that’s what they do. I thank my MIL for the card/gift she gives me and say I’ve had a lovely day when she asks because she refuses to understand I don’t want fuss. Every year, without fail, she tells my partner, her son, to do something special. And every year he says, no mum, that’s not what she wants. She’s annoying, but as I can just avoid her on my birthday, it’s easily dealt with. Birthdays are how I want now, not mentioned and just like any other day.

I am very happy to celebrate anyone else’s birthday and make a huge fuss of anyone who actually wants that. I love meals out for them and parties and weddings and hen dos.....as long as they’re not mine and I’m not centre of attention. My partner and kids are lovely and I have a wonderful group of friends who accept me, because they’re nice people. Not everyone is, as shown on this thread 😉

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Judgemental much saying people aren't nice, because they want to know why people hate their birthdays?
It's not the normal, so people are bound to ask.