DS and mother - double act

[florenceandthemutt]

DS is a nurse. I also work for the NHS. I am not in a clinical role, but I've worked hard to get to my current post. The other day I was my parents' house and my mum brought up the whole NHS pay dispute. My mum was astounded when I said that the NHS pay deal would be offered to all NHS workers and it wasn't just for nurses. My mum then said, "do you think you deserve and should get a pay rise?" Yesterday I was at my parents house and my DS was also there and DS brought up the pay rise thing and said basically that she thought I was overpaid for what I do and the pay rise should just be for clinical / nursing staff. She said why should get paid the same as me when I sit in an office. I was quite hurt by this and I do understand completely how hard nurses work, but so do other NHS workers too. This went on and on with both my DS and mum saying the same thing over about my pay etc.

Is DS your DSis? (It usually means son on MN).

Either way, YANBU. Your family is extremely rude.

I'm so sorry your parents treat you like this. I don't understand how they can think like that. I'd be very proud of my child no matter what profession they choose and yes ALL NHS workers deserve a raise. The pay in the public sector is horrible.

Then they decided to have a go at me because I had missed a WhatsApp exchange from my sister - wasn't deliberate. I had just overlooked it.

They then started saying that people who live in my town think they're better than people that live in their town. I don't think I am any better than anybody else, but another dig.

DC is an only child and the conversation then led on to how much my DC has and how spoilt she was in comparison to DS's children. We do not spoil DC, but having one child means that we can do more.

DH and I are saving to send DC to private secondary. Their conversation then went on to how kids who go to private school are wrapped in cotton wool and how DS's children are in the real world.

I came away yesterday feeling really fed up and it was so negative. I want to respond, but I don't want to cause a problem (my mum is very sensitve) but equally I am fed up of the constant dig after dig at me.

My brother stays away and he has said that our mum treats DS and her children very differently. It is obvious that DS is the favourite. AIBU to think it would be nice if our mum could stay neutral and not have to keep finding fault with me?

Yes DS should be DSis.

you need to set boundaries and limit your contact with them. You don't need that negativity in your life. They are toxic.

As someone who also works for the NHS in an office based role I've had the same criticism aimed towards me. I don't think outsiders realise that without people like us the NHS simply wouldn't run. Every hospital/go surgery would be a building full of medical professionals who had no idea where they should be or who they should be seeing!

I'm surprised by the attitude from your DS as most medical professionals I have worked with have been grateful for the support we provide!

I would make a big deal about how you're looking forward to your pay rise so you can spend it on private school fees. And also go on about how touched you were when everyone applauded for you on Thursday nights.

You should have walked out there and then!
Don't accept shoddy treatment from them. Your brother seems to have the measure of them and the right idea

I’am with your brother’s approach here, stop subjecting yourself to people who delight in bringing you down, Op. limit the time you spend with both your mother and your sister, and attempt to try to make sure when you do see either of them, it’s when the other isn’t around.

It’s inverse snobbery, and unfortunately the prevailing narrative is that punching up is fine and apparently you should sit there, smile, take the hits and apologise for the fact they’re necessary.

It’s bollocks and you absolutely do not have to take it, nor apologise for daring to be in a better position than your sister. Stop subjecting yourself to it in what, the vain hope that they’ll change? They won’t, they’ll continue to make their snide remarks and you’ll continue to feel like shit.

God they are rude. I'm with your brother. Step back and let them to it.
Wards and clinic would be up shit creek without admin personnel. You'd earn more in the private sector just like nurses do. You all deserve a rise not just clinical staff.