To not want to go to my sister's second wedding

[User920202]

My sister got married in winter 2021. They had a lovely wedding with slight COVID restrictions but other than lessened guests it was a normal wedding. She's decided to have another wedding (to the same man) this year as she feels the wedding was ruined by restrictions. Honestly she is a huge attention seeker and I feel like she's doing this because she didn't get enough attention for her liking at the first one. The wedding was also paid for by parents who are now in debt because of it. Family tried to get her to postpone the first one so she could have the wedding she wanted but she wouldn't have it. I know she'll be upset if I don't go but I've already seen her get married to her husband so why would I go again?? I also live in a different country with young children.

Just tell her you can't afford it/already got arrangements/no leave left.

Crazy. I wouldn't go, especially as you're in a different country.

i was going to say go because if you didn’t that in itself would give her the attention she craves.

however, you live in a different country and what she’s asking is huge. I would politely decline.

Why is that you don’t want to go? Money? Travel? Time? I spent a lot of money to go to my sisters wedding so I think I’d feel reluctant to spend a lot of money to do it again despite being very close with her

Nope, I'd be saying no too.
That's just silly, and it's even more silly that your parents are prepared to be plunged into debt for it!

The fact you live in a different country gives you an easy out I think.

"So sorry we wont be able to make it but have a lovely time" is the only response you need to give.

Sorry Jane and Bob, we won’t be able to travel over this time. We have such lovely memories of the original day and look forward to seeing the photos of your party.

You can’t get married twice. Renewal of vows sure. Or remarriage after divorce. But this isn’t a wedding. It’s a party. And that’s fine, they can do that. Just as you can decline.

I’d go and wear the same outfit. Unless there’s a real reason like distance/money etc I’d make the effort.

I wouldn't go. Maybe instead of a second wedding she could repay the parents who are in debt? Selfish.

I couldn't imagine not going to my sisters wedding (even the second). I'd do everything I could to go. If you genuinely can't afford it then don't go. I think it's petty to not go just because you don't agree with her choice and you think it's attention seeking.

Ha people saying they couldn’t possibly not attend their sister’s second wedding, your error is describing it as a wedding. It isn’t, it’s just a party to celebrate them getting married two years ago. You have many perfect reasons not to go, financial, small children, leave, travel with small children. This is a relatively easy no thank you, she sounds very self absorbed.

I wouldn't go in these circumstances, and I'm very close to my sisters. Then again, they would never do something so silly. I would just say that you don't have the funds. If your parents are so desperate to have you there then they can pay.

Just tell her you can’t afford it. I really hope your parents aren’t paying again? Why on earth did they agree to go into debt to pay for a wedding? Surely people don’t expect their parents to pay for their weddings these days?

It’s not a wedding. You live in a different country to her. I’d say no too.

Who’s paying for this one?!

Don't go, she sounds ridiculous and it’ll be a farce.

Why can’t you just say “sorry sister, I can’t come to your party because xyz?”

Living abroad gives you so many additional options here!!

Easy peasy. Just say "sorry sis but I don't have the time or money or to fly over again. Hope you enjoy it though!"

It's not really fair to completely hold your sister responsible for your parents being in debt. They made a daft choice themselves there.